I posed the question on my cam for people to share their feeling about dr. jack kevorkian, and the anarchy bbs exploded with discussion! the best post was this one, though…from a man who's mother was assisted by kevorkian. I asked his permission if I could include it in my analog, so here it is:

Posted by jimmypete - 12.75.43.15 on April 15, 1999 at 15:04:31:
Dear Ana,
First of all, let me state that this story is 100% true. Jimmypete, of course, is not my real name.
Unlike Dr. Kevorkian, I don't have the guts to withstand any sort of public attention. However,
I've been thinking a lot about him lately and since you asked how people feel about him and I'm a
regular viewer of your site, I'll pitch in my two cents.
One year to the date of Dr. Kevorkian's sentencing on April 13, I met him. My mother was suffering
a horrible existence from ALS (amotrophic lateral sclerosis) or Lou Gerhig's disease. She had maybe
another month or so to live before her the nerves operating her respitory system failed. She'd already
lost the ability to speak and any sort of movement was extremely painful and exhausting. For months
she had been pleading with everyone to bring her a gun so that she might kill herself. Of course no one
was willing to do that. In time, she asked that we contact Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Her sister did so.
Once contact was established with him, things progressed quickly. Arrangements were coordinated
through one of the people who work closely with Dr. Kevorkian. Plane tickets were purchased and
family members from across the country met and we flew with my mother to Detroit, April 13, 1998.
We rented a van and drove to Pontiac, MI. There we stopped at a McDonald's and called Dr. Kevorkian's
associate, as we had agreed. We waited nervously for about an hour for the associate to meet us
in the parking lot and follow him to a house. The waiting was horrible. What would be a very light trip for
a healthy person is a catastrophic ordeal for a terminal ALS patient. My mother was in terrible pain. She
was getting weaker by the moment. She couldn't speak. She could only groan out her pain in some
goddamn McDonald's parking lot 900 miles away her home. It was gutwrenching. Finally, we saw a car
pull in that matched the description we'd be given. It pulled up next to our van. The driver was wearing
a white baseball cap with black lettering. It said "Mercy".
A 10 minute drive away, we were in a comfortable lakeside house. We brought my mother in and there
he was. Dr. Jack Kevorkian himself. It was surreal. All the times you've seen him on TV. All the times
you've seen him in print. Heard his voice on TV. On radio. All the jokes you've heard. All your
preconceptions. They all flash at you in a rush. The emotional truth of what you're about to do fucking
grabs you by the guts and rips you apart. Inspite of his gaunt face and huge eyesockets, Dr. Kevorkian
is not a menacing presence. He is warm and hospitable, very kind and courteous. Once we all gathered and sat down in the small
in the living room, he began to speak. He asked for the letter from her doctor in which the doctor confirmed
my mother's status as a terminally ill ALS patient. We filled out a brief form. We read a paper he gave
us. I think it was about what he called "medicide" or something. It had the origins of the term and was
a kind of 'mission statement'. I can't remember. We gave him her driver's license and her social security
card, to be used in legally identifying her body, as we'd been requested to do.
During his talk, Dr. Kevorkian asked what we thought of the idea of patients of physician-assisted death
being able to donate organs. Of course, we were totally unprepared for this line of thinking. But we all
agreed that if the patient was willing, then there need not be any legal barrier to such an act. He
explained that it was not something which was available for my mother, but he wanted other people's
opinions on something he'd been considering.
We had been unsure of what to do once we left my mom in his care. Originally, we had imagined that we
were going to be there with her when the procedure was going on. But we were told that we could not be
there. We were quite leary of this situation. We did not want media attention in any amount. We did not
want any involvement from the law. We did not want her body left in a car on some hospital's parking lot
with a note on the windshield. If these conditions couldn't be met, we were going to thank Dr. Kevorkian
and his team and go back to the airport and catch the next flight home. Fortunately, a year ago, Dr.
Kevorkian was able to perform his services with relative impunity. He assured us that he would bring
her body himself to the hospital and hand deliver her identification. I have to say that Dr. Kevorkian and
the men on his team are truly a class act. They are intelligent, compassionate people who happen to be
on the vanguard of something that will, in time, be commonplace.
After maybe 30-45 minutes, the consultation was over. Dr. Kevorkian and his team went into another
part of the house. One at a time, each of us spent time alone with my mom. She said not to cry for her,
but to be happy. This is what she wanted. If you've ever experienced time with a terminally ill person,
you know that they do this totally fucked up thing. You think you're going to help them feel better and
reassure them, but it's not like that. THEY are the ones who help you. Their actions and words comfort
you. My mother sacrificed herself for me throughout my life. She only asked me for one thing. I was
not about to deny her request.
Approxiametly one hour after arriving at this nice lakeside house, on a gravel lane, in a part of Michigan
where new luxury homes were going up everywhere (probably for automotive industry executives and
other white-collar criminals), we got back into our rented van and drove away. We were told that to avoid
any possible legal entanglements we could not be with her at the time of her death. In fact, we were
told to get back on a plane and go home. However, our return flight was not until the 15th. We didn't
know what to do. All we could agree on was that we all needed a drink. Now.
So, there we were, in the airport hotel where we rented the van, sitting in an empty lobby 'sports'
bar so common these days. We'd left my brother's pager number with one of Dr. Kevorkian's associates.
He agreed to set off my brother's pager when my mother had passed. About an hour after we left and
while nervously laughing with each other, telling stories about our time with her, the beeper went off.
Sudden silence chased out the laughter that had lightened our spirits. In time, we drank a toast to her
and sat wordless for a while.
Now here it is, one year later. Dr. Kevorkian is in jail. It is a travesty. He knows full well what he is
getting into and is not afraid. Of that I am sure. While I agree with what he's doing and how he's doing
it, I am still sad that he is locked up and dying. Sad because I know that there are other famalies going
through the same thing mine did. They need the help of the one man in America with the balls enough
to do what is right. They need Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Who will immediately carry on for him? No one?
In the probable not-too-distant-future, big companies will be making big bucks performing the same
service that Dr. Kevorkian performed gratis. He didn't charge money. He didn't accept donations from
terminally ill people or their families. All he wanted was assurance that'd you'd made peace with
your God and were willing to receive mercy. That is all.
Thank you for taking time to read this. Hope beyond hope that you or anyone you love never suffers
a long debillitating fatal illness. That alone is bad enough. There was a time when only one man in
America had the balls enough to bring mercy, regardless of cost to himself. But now he is gone.
jimmypete@mailexcite.com

here is an is interesting url to find out more about kevorkian and suicide:
http://www.freep.com/suicide/
here is a url to kevorkian's paintings:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/kevorkian/aboutk/art/

and here is one of my posts in regards to the kevorkian subject:
Posted by ANA - 209.98.224.50 on April 15, 1999 at 17:26:00:
I don't know why some people are upset that it seemed to them that kevorkian had a "glee" about death.
if he enjoyed killing these people. wouldn't that make sense? i mean he is doing a happy good thing for these people! and he is witnessing a "holy" moment with them. it is one of the most honoured moments in "life" i would think, along the same ,lines as birth.
one entering , one exiting.
why would he not find joy in his work?
what's SO BAD about finding JOY in death?
i think it is a BEAUTIFUL moment beyond description.
and just hypothetically, say he has the "energy" that borders on being a deranged serial killer...then i say what an amazing thing that he took that "energy" and "turned it" towards a good purpose.
another example of this "turning potentially destructive 'bad' energy into 'good" is that the girl who pierced my nipples ( long ago, they aren't pierced anymore due 2 the fact the would never properly heal) was a person who, since birth, had a fascination with cutting and burning herself...but she took that energy and made a career of body piercing with it. i think that is truly inspiration and commendable!
why are we so afraid of death? why is it so "bad" to talk about in a joyful sense? why must we be sad and morose? why to some is this a depressing subject? to me it is really a cool energizing topic. it doesn't depress me at all.
i think death is fascinating, and i'm not morose about it...i do not want to die before i am "ready"...but when i am ready i see no point in trying to stick it out like a trooper. fuck that.
if my quality of life sucks and i see no other option, i would choose to die.
i don't see anything wrong with it.
from birth i was taught that if you killed yourself you would go to hell. but i think that is truly absurd. and i do admit that their is part of me that fears this might be true, no matter how absurd it seems. and it aggravates me.
so i question it and think about it, etc.
'cause death is going to happen to all of us. and it's gonna be ONE trippy thing. i like to find out about things like death if i know for certain that one day it will happen to me. it makes sense.
but that is kind of a different subject.
anyway..i don't think death is something to be avoided at all costs. i think we all "play god" just by simply taking penicillin or getting a flu shot!
why can we not be as humane with ourselves as we do our pets?

then in other news, here's a few more things I've been thinking about:
I've been sort of feeling in a weird place lately..feeling that I need to get back to music asap so I should go clean out that other room immediately so I can do that. but then I realized that I really DON'T want to write music asap. I just feel the pressure to do so. so I'm trying to let go of the feeling that I MUST do anything. because it's making me not get anything done at all. but I am rather enjoying watching tv lately, I really have watched so many cool shows about atlantis and psychology and biographies and inside of the witness protection programme and all sorts of stuff. watched the movie "sphere" which was pretty ok. oh, and shows on past lives and ufos and dating violence. but this is just surface stuff as my brain is really thinking about how things are all connected and how we create our own reality and how we are all one, and imagining the many levels and layers of energy/vibrations that connect everything and where I fit into all that. and how I can change my vibration to become a magnet for more of that same vibration. trying on different vibrations like clothes and seeing what happens when I do that. noticing how when I am anxious I create more anxiety. whatever I focus on is what happens. wondering why some streets seem to gather more of a depressed negative energy than other streets. wondering if this just randomly happens, or of architecture can really effect the flow of energy and where it will flow, therefore creating comfortable friendly places to sit, while other places just feel "icky". I don't know. trying to comprehend time and how a black hole can suck in time. and what is time. and what would a tree look like if we could see it without time "all at once". seeing the tree from seed to death, fall to winter, opening leaves, dropping leaves, growing branches…if there was no time so we could see it "slowly" and we could see it all at once…would it look like a big energy blur? can I effect time? if all my lives are happening right now can I effect my past and my future all at once? are things preordained? are things ever random. is it all a big loop? and is this funny? is it really something like "comic structure"? is it really like hitchhikers guide to the galaxy? does the second I think a thought..does that thought leave me and become it's own "entity" free to live and grow and makes it's own worlds within worlds too? what do I want to create? can I really believe this? can I stop myself from fearing I will create something "wrong"? if I threw away all my clothes could I manifest them all back? should I start figuring out how to astral project? these are some of things I think of when I watch tv. it's really hard to explain. what is choice? how much choice do we have? total choice? can I make my perfect world anywhere at any time..or do I need to "move" to a special location. or is that just an illusion. do I have the power to manifest the perfect place for me anywhere if I really believe it strong enough? how can I make sure that what I'm asking for is really what is "good" for me? is there ever any way to know?
or is it just u must try out everything blindly before I can know. live and learn? is there really "guides" that are here to help me? isn't there some help anywhere? it's hard to figure this stuff out alone.

the A&E special that I'm part of called The Unexplained should be coming out soon, sometime in may! I'm SO beyond curious as 2 what that will be!
oh, and my 33rd birthday is on april 18th! somehow , 33 seems like a special age, and I'm glad to be "here" at this age. I have SO much to do, so much on my mind, so many things I want to expand anacam.
I wish I could afford another computer to get more cams going, and I'd really love to have streaming audio 24/7 that I could play music on, rant, discuss, take calls…a cross between oprah and art bell, and the audio equivilent of my cam. if anyone knows anyway to do this and be able to have thousands of people to hear at one time, PLEASE let me know!

here are some of the posts that I sent to the anavoog mailing list. if you'd like to be on this non-discussion ana-update list go to:
http://www.fetik3.com/infolist.html

3/30/99
www.geek-nation.com is back thanks 2 thee fabulous and kind and generous mart!
i don't know if ALL the archives that he has are up, but a lot of them are :)so if u missed what was happening on anacam 'cause you were too busy doing unimportant things(shame on u!)then click over to www.geek-nation.com and write him an email of thanks!!!!

other archives that are there are:
artcam
naurucam
eecam
stv
in other news, it was insanely beautiful outside here today! 75 degrees! so i took a nice long walk which was good for my soul.

i was surfing the net all over the place last night to find cool novelty items that could be customized or personalized.
i want to put together an "ana fan kit"

firstly tho, i want to find a place that i can make anacam playing cards. with each card having on it a cam picture, not just a logo. if anyone knows of such a place, please let me know!
also, i want to make a plastic "ana doll" . the hard kind of plastic, not the bendy kind like barbie. but i don't know how to go about sculpting myself in miniature form, or what kind of medium i should sculpt it ( clay? fimo?)
and then where to go to get the mold made

i have a feeling this is an thousands of dollars kind of thing..but maybe it's not. i don't have any $$$ to make one right now, but i want to look around and at least find out what the process is to do it. any information that anyone has regarding this would be greatly appreciated!
other things i am interested in are:

a calendar
decals( clear vinyl)
posters
erasers
heat transfers
cardboard puzzle
sewing kits( all that stuff u at at a hotel
pop up cards
bookmarks
temporary tattoos
magnets
mousepad
diaries
coloring books
candles

so, if any one finds the cheapest most reliable place that can personalize or customize these items, let me know!
i'm searching all over the net. but i don't want to go into this blindly, because i want quality products at a competive price.
i don't have the $$ to order any of thse things right now..but i just want to get all the information that i need, so that when i can do it finally, i'm ready to go.

but one thing i AM going to start doing as soon as possible, is i'm going to start making "ana-mals":))
so tell me what kind of animals you'd like to have! i have a lot of fabric. but i think i'll make them out of velvet. every one will be different from the other made by me on my sewing machine that i can never remember how to thread!
the "ana-mals" i'm thinking of making are: bears, cats and snakes.
i think i'll also make human dolls, too. but i think i'll just make girls, cause i'm partial to girls :)

ok, now i have to go get my taxes in order. augh

4/1/99
no, this isn't an april fool's joke :)today, the first of april, anacam will be refreshing at 2 minutes in celebration that anacam is cam of the month again at cam depot :)thank u for voting!another reason to celebrate is i've been nominated for3 minnesota music awards!1) electronic album2) electronic artist3) artist of the year!i've been nominated before a bunch of times but i've never won one yet. but of course, it's just cool to be nominated :)I left a message on my manager bobby z's machine. he also produced my last two cds. and a band that is on his label, zinc records, is nominated for rockgroup. they are called tangletown and the lead guy is bob dylan's nephew or cousin or something. so I'm sure bobby will be really happy when he finds out! he is on vacation right now. the new power generation is up for r&b recording. since 0(-> still lives here, he always gets nominated and always wins. (trivia: bobby z was the drummer for prince and the revolution so i get to hear all the good stories from that time period of prince! i am so lucky!). other artists up for "artist of the year" are semisonic and johnny lang, so I don't have a chance at winning that one! but I think there is a possibility I could win for electronic album because there are only two other recordings up for that.*crosses fingers*i've always said i don't like awards...because i don't like competition. i don't think that winning or not winning ever means that anyone is better or worse than anyone else. but dang....i've never had even an ounce of hope that i could win one, until this year...so i'm trying to not care like i do all the other years...but...i do care! i'd like to win just one once at least!it's so nice to be able to enjoy the nominations, too, without fear of a bad reprecussion, such as my label deciding to keep me! for example, when my song "hollywood" ( a bad remixed version that was totally pathetic and i had nothing to do with) made it up to #45 in billboard's dance chart...i was happy but not truly happy because i wanted off that label, and i thought that if it went up the chart more, i'd be doomed. but it never did get up farther so i was relieved. but that's a sad position to be in, when u can't even really celebrate your mini-triumphs because in the end they might hurt u more than help u.btw, if anyone knows how to get a a copy of that chart when i was #45, let me know. i never did get any "proof" of it.any way! *shakes off the worry dust*, i can now celebrate things without fear. so yay! :)oh, and if you live in minnesota, and you'd like to vote for me...just pick up a city pages and fill out the form inside and mail it in. the only thing is, is that u have to be a member of the minnesota music awards, and to become one u have to pay the fee of $15. but u can give them a check for $15 with your voting form, then you'll be a member and can do all the other cool things that members get to do :)i'm on day 6 of "all naked all week" . it was definitely easier to do this time than last time, because the weather is warmer. but today is very grey looking. on a weird note, i've been having a lot of dreams about death lately, and death has been more on my mind. not in a bad way, just a curious way. like "wow, i'm REALLY going to die someday! and i'll know what it was like. i mean i'm really going to experience death and i have to BE There for it and go through it"it's so...scary. i just don't like the idea of it at all. i can't fathom it. i can't even fathom that someday my dogs will die. i think i'm thinking about death because i'm reevaluating things, and a few ana2 members have had to deal with the death of pets, friends, and relatives and we've been talking about it in ana2's anarchy,also my goldfish died.also, it's death of winter and the beginning of spring.and my birthday is april 18th, and always around my birthday big changes happen usually, i don't know why. but i get kind of antsy around my birthday as to what big change might possibly happen this time!ok, that's all for now,ana

4/8/99
it's past 4am and i'm still not sleepy.
but i will go now and try to get sleepy.

this has been ana update #392840-23840283428304823480284938

oh, and btw, www.snarg.net added new things. and if u want to see the trippiest shockwave stuff EVER.
go there RIGHT NOW.
i mean, i could go on and on about this site. it's so beautiful it hurts.
ohmigod i want my site to look like that sooooo baaaaaaaad ( i'm speaking of the beautiful organic bubbly sea creature tendril electric fish egg blips of pure joy ( with sound! )
i want to directly interface with it's beauty and become wallpaper with it!
*sigh oh sigh*
too much 2 learn....
infor....mation.....overload........
inform nation oval lord................ :)
for those of u who think i've lost my mind...here is a url for u!
www.anacam.com/simp/myhands.html

4/14/99
today my other goldfish died. the black one. makes me sad. this whole time I was looking for a place 2 put this goldfish, an aquarium somewhere. I kept hoping I'd run into one. then, as fate would have it, just hours after it's death…I found an aquarium with goldfish in it at a chinese restaurant. I was so bummed. if would've known I would've brought my fish in there and secretly slipped it in there. then I noticed that there wasn't any access into the aquarium, so I decided what I WOULD'VE done, if I had known about this aquarium when my fish was alive…is that I would've gone in there and seated myself by the aquarium, then I would've put my fish on the table next to it…flipping it's little flippers. then I would've screamed and gotten a waitress and told her that a goldfish jumped out of the aquarium on onto my table! they would HAVE to put it back in the aquarium because they would be so confused. even though it would've been impossible for that fish to have actually jumped out, they'd have to believe that it had…because to believe that a girl brought it in from home and set it on the table screaming, just so her goldfish could live..would've been too preposterous. then my fish would've been happy, and I could've gone and visited it. if only I had known. dang.
I tried to take my cam with me outside the other day. but it wouldn't turn on. it was weird. it was like totally dead. hen the second I got home, it worked. I think maybe it was divine intervention telling me that I should not show even anywhere outside where I live, no matter how cool. which makes me sad, 'cause there's so much cool stuff around my house to take pictures of. but all I need is one stalker to make my life miserable.
I'm chewing black jack gum. it's that black gum that tastes like licorice.
I bought david sylvian's new cd. but I haven't listened to it enough to tell what I think of it.
I have TOO much to do. too much to clean. so to avoid doing it I'm making an anagram and chatting in irc.
charity just got her cam up! it's at www.artelevision.com/charitycam
she makes yummy soap and lotion. all natural! I'm using peppermint tingle right now..and I gotta say it WAS a tingly experience using it to shave off all my pubic hair the other day! shaving "down there" is such a bitch. I just do it once in awhile 'cause I think it looks cool.
here is where u can get charity's marvelous soap! it comes in a billion varities and it's cheap, natural and she makes it all herself!
http://homepages.infoseek.com/~charityswedberg/index.html
u can come and meet charity and "all of us" on #analove, too. just download mirc or ircle for mac at www.mirc.com
then come into irc.mit.edu #analove
people are there 24 hours a day talking about everything from sushi to birth control to astrol projection to c++ vs. java to how to dye your hair with koolaid.
anyway, the day i shaved all my pubic hair off was
the day I dyed my hair pink. I just wanted everything "brand new". I'm not sick of my pink hair yet. I sure I wish I had the patience inme to grow my hair out. but I always lose my mind in all those inbetween hair stages. then I end up hacking it or bleaching it. I want to grow it out to my butt, then braid it and pile the braids on top of my head and then make them stay up there with lots of chopsticks and stuff. my hair grows like one fourth of an inch a month, which is half the average. dunno why.
I finally saw the movie "titanic". it was on tv. it was pretty corny, which I knew it would be. the special effects were amazing. I liked it best when they showed the titanic underwater after all the years. I liked the few seconds that they showed the piano underwater all decayed. and I want to know how they did that. did they just stick a piano underwater for a few months and just let it rot or WHAT? I love decay. I love the patterns it makes. I love the cracks in the sidewalks. I love when nature starts eating away machinery. not because I dislike machinery, but because I love the combination of nature and machinery. I love rust, mold, water stains, cracks, peelings, dust. it's so delicate.
I met a guy when I was walking around the other day. I told u about how people just come up and talk to me. well, he just came up and sat right down next to me. this was right after my laptop died. his name was al and he was smelly but nice. he was looking for a wife. why he thought I would perhaps be a candidate, I have no clue! I mean, I'm sitting there in this weird way with pink hair and a laptop and wires and headphones and plastic bags and an egg salad sandwhich. I don't think I looked like wife material. but then I don't know what "wife material" would look like. he kept thinking I would be a good cook for some reason. the first thing he said to me is "do u know how to boil eggs?" which I replied "no", but of course I know, but I really was not in the mood for a conversation about boiling eggs at that moment. I wanted to just sit in the sun and get my laptop to work. I guess I will hand it to the guy for originality and trying. but dang, if u see a girl with HEADPHONES on, then you'd think that meant she did not want to talk.
btw, I was listening to u2's the joshua tree. I hadn't heard it in awhile. I just bought a cheap walkman the other day. I needed one so much. they are THE best things ever invented besides the computer.
my cool secret spot I've discovered is not so secret. all the bums go there to drink! I found a pile of apples there the other day, then they came back and started drinking. we looked at each other quizzically. I could not decide if I should be scared or not. then finally I got sick of trying to stay relaxed even though I was in a secluded spot with 2 guys drinking…so I left. I keep going back there and each day it's a new set of drinking bums. maybe I will start putting presents in their spot.
another thing I'm thinking of doing is making bottles with messages inside them and throwing them into the mississippi river. I just haven't figured out the ideal way to seal them. I'd like to use those arizona tea bottles 'cause they are so nice, but how should I seal them up? I don't know of a place that makes corks that'd fit them. and I don't want to have to drink a ton of wine to get a bottle with a cork. their has 2 b a better way. I want to let helium balloons go with messages attached, too. but people tell me that birds will try to eat them, then die. is this true? is it also true that birds will eat used chewing gum and die from that?
nowe it's 8pm and I have avoided cleaning. and I need to get back to typing out my journals. and I need to hook up the zip drive that sushuma gave me so I can get the voice recognition software on there and try that out!
morgaine, ee, and spiral gave me a lite brite for my birthday! so as soon as I get a 25 watt bulb 4 it, I'm gonna make cool stuff for the cam with it :)
zuma sent me some jack kerouack books that look really great! I have never read him! and dankitti sent me another tape of his music that I will listen to tonight :) and btripp sent me a big long thing on how to embed "sigils" into a picture. it has to do with magick. I dunno what or how I feel about that yet. I will ponder it.
jason is trying to get a stain out of the carpet. deiter chewed an inkpen. morgaine updated the pooka/deiter pages. go to: hello.to/pooka
I'm going to move my stuff out of the bedroom and into the "thing room", and move jason's stuff from the thing room to the bedroom. that way we will both have our own spaces to be private in. I need a little space where I can go to type my journals and paint and sew and stuff . so that is a big project that I do not look forward to, and I'm putting off everything because of it. I just want everything to b in order RIGHT NOW.
so when I get my creative space working, then I will have no excuse, I hope, to not get other things done. like sewing and painting and typing out my journals.
my manager, bobby z, and I got together the other day and he is going to bring my 4-track in to get fixed. it's been broken since last summer. it's a fostex and I've had it since 1982 or something. I wish I could find an 8 track just like it..but all the 8 tracks I ever see are so complex. I don't want complex., I just want a "record" button. then I might get back to writing songs and putting out singles here and there, in limited edition quantities. with hand made covers signed and numbered. I don't want to make another BIG record that will define me for the next 3 years. I don't want any hype. I just want to make silly goofy songs on my 4 track in the lowest fi way and put them out as cute singles. no big deal. no big marketing plan.
bobby still sees music as my # 1 career and life. but I am pretty happy right now not doing music. I am the sort of creative person that can work in a million different mediums and whichever one I end up doing satisfies me. the reason I chose the "popstar" medium, is not because I wanted to be a musician, but because I loved how it was so multimedia. I could have music, video, fashion, movies, tv, cover art, posters, cd roms, booklets, photos, set design…all wrapped up into one. but when I got into the major label part…all of those other departments got taken away from me mostly and I had no control, which really defeated the purpose of being multimedia for me. so now that I've found the cam, I feel very satsified with my creative output again, because I'm doing everything I want to do..and I see so much possibility for the future with online "sets" for concerts or a discussion or whatever. interactive THINGS.
speaking of that, a place www.xrave.com wants to collaborate with me in some way. it is a virtual reality sexy thing where u can discuss your wildest thoughts in the shape of a transexual dolphin, or something...so i am thinking about those possibilities and having that as an addition to ana2.
i wish i could have my own "radio" show with streaming video that would be a cross between art bell and oprah :) if anyone knows of anyone who would want to help me with that, let me know! i think it'd be cool to be able to play music, talk, rant, take calls, have guests, etc. a place where anything could be said and where at least a thousand people could connect at one time. if i could actually figure out how to get that to happen, i think it'd be beyond fun and definitely nothing like any other radio show! i would like it to be on ALL the time, and not just a radio show that comes on at any particular time, so it could be spontaneous, it would be like the sound equivelent of my cam. :)
ok, that's all I can think of for now. that I can type out at least.

oh! and i saw the first dandelions today!!! that always makes me SO happy!!!! i think dandelions are almost my fave flower. my first fave is peonies because the smell of them just knocks me out. dandelions! dandelions! dandelions! :))))

drinking dandelions wine with the bums in the secret place,
ana