analog

Date: Fri, 3 July 1998

ANALOG 7-3-98

wow, it's been almost a month since i wrote a new analog...yikes! i will
try to keep writing new ones far more often...even if i have nothing
much to say. i guess i haven't written one 'cause it is so hard to
express in words what goes on with me lately, 'cause a lot of it is
personal stuff that if i talked about it might make others mad who want
their privacy, i.e. my boyfriend, etc. i've been spending a lot of time
with him, so mostly all my experiences right now revolve around him and
our relationship. he is a very private person and doesn't like to be on
cam much. it's rather difficult to move my cam to keep him out of the
picture, but that's what i've been trying to do.
we are also planning on moving in with each other this fall. we are just
now starting to look at a few places. we really want a warehouse space,
but those seem to be difficult to find, or there is a long waiting list
to get in to some of the places.
i'm very excited about moving, my apartment is way too small for the
amount of stuff i have ( although i plan to get rid of a lot of it when 
i move), and my pets will be happier in a larger place to roam.
it's so hard for me to get rid of my things because my things are SO
COOL. i'm trying to get myself into the mindset of detachment to part
with them, because i REALLY want to live in a minimilistic setting.
it would be so much more peaceful for me. as i change, my styles change.
before i was into things looking like the house of the guy in
bladerunner who makes all the "toys". but now i want MINIMILISM. i'm a
far cry from that right now!
i've been listening a lot to tori amos' new cd "from the choirgirl
hotel". i think it might be my favourite cd by her so far!!!! it's
absolutely 100% BRILLIANT!
i opened my couch back into a bed because i was going insane sleeping on
a couch. it was fine in the winter when i sleep more in a ball 'cause
it's cold..but now that it's summer, i like to sprall. when i open the
couch into a bed, i don't have a ton of room in here, but it's worth it
to have a bed.
it's been damn humid and rainy here lately. i like it when it storms and   
there's lots of lightening!
i think i've got some more shows coming up...july 18th and july 22nd in
new york city. check out anavoog.com for updates on this.
i might have even more shows than that, but that's all i know right now.
one of these shows might be with nina hagen , which would be a dream! i
LOVE her :)
what i've been doing lately is being in the studio remixing my song
"hollywood" for a single. and others have been remixing it , as well.
so that could be out VERY soon. again, check anavoog.com for updates on
that. because radioactive/mca decided to release a single 1st...the
release date of my album to stores (it's available on the net only right
now at www.musicblvd.com or www.newbury.com)has been postponed to
sometime in september. which means that when it comes out, it'll be 2
years since i recorded it.
i'm listening to tori right now...and i quite feel like that lately.
the sound of it. i just can't put it into words.
actually i feel like i could throw up a bunch of words...but i'm just
not going to right now. i think i'll clean instead.
i'm sorry if my cam crashes from time to time...i'm getting so many hits
lately from all the press of gotten. especially that "women of the net"
special on E! i still have yet to see the whole thing of that, 'cause i
don't have cable.
the energy has been so intense lately. does anyone else feel this? i
thought things would calm down...all the change...but it doesn't show
any signs of letting up. lots of change...death, birth, divorce,
illness, job changes, personal growth, letting go of old ways. it's been
a difficult transition for some, and seems to make a few people i've run
into more hostile and edgy. prone to outbursts of anger. people seem to
be having more outbursts without thinking first. things are getting more
irrational and also,it seems harrd to get anything done or make any
decisions. like there is a thick fog clouding up any facts or truth to
base any decisions on. is it just me, or are you noticing this too?
also, this year, i thin i've been more sick with minor illnesses ( like
cold and headaches and fatigue) than all my years of life put together.
most of that is just stress , i'm sure...but also it feels like my body
is just trying to change...a type of metamorphisis. i know that's gonna
sound a bit nutty to most of you. but for those of you that are going
through the same thing...you're not alone and you're not insane.
also, to get even more "out there" ...i'm coming to realise another
reason i do this cam thing. possibly on of the biggest reasons...is that
all the energy everyone is focusing on me...i'm learning how to filter
through it. keeping the energy i like, and transforming it into fuel,
and the energy i don't like...learning to deflect that. or if i
acidentally "ingest" the "bad" energy..learning to transform that into
something more "positive". and learning to decipher all the different
kinds of energy. so i am working/playing with a huge amount of energy
here...and once i get a handle on all the things i can do with it...i
think it'll be pretty darn cool. i think that is also one of the reasons
i've been sick a lot, is that i have an AWFUL lot of energy of all types
projected at me. and it's PRETTY DAMN INTENSE! but i find it utterly
fascinating and fun to learn and play with it!
i feel like i'm in school taking "lifeforce energy101" :)
this will come in handy when on stage and or just from my house...to
transform and heal.
i want to learn more about alternative energy for our houses and
transportation sytems , too. such as solar, wind, and water power...etc.
i want to link to more sites pertaining to this. if anyone has some
cool  sites to show me regarding how to live more in harmony with the
earth, please let me know. i'd like to link to thesse places and make
people more aware of thesse places. the information needs to be spread.
also, sites that pertain to living more in harmony within our own
bodies/minds/spirits/auras etc. because we need to start there..from
within. to cleanse away outworn ways of thinking that are too "small"
for us now. no wonder some people are so crabby. living in
"energy-clothing" that is several sizes too small for their beings.
that's gotta be mighty uncomfortable!
it's just that in order to change outfits, ya gotta get "nude" 1st...and
a lot of people are not too keen on that idea :)               
so be gentle to the people living in fear of change. and be gentle to
yourself...and be gentle to me! 'cause i'm afraid, too! it's all new to
me! ( yet feels very familiar at the same time).
ok....'nuff said for the moment...maybe today will be the day i clean
out my house...or not. either way, i'll try not to guilt myself out
about it...
still listening to tori.... i'm so glad she made this cd! THANKS TORI!
and thank you everyone for your kind emails...i read them all :)
thanks for the fuel :) i promise to use it wisely :)

love,
ana