7.15.1991 4:03pm
i was so nervous last night. my anxiety never let down. i think it was because i was in unfamiliar surroundings and i couldn't hear myself sing and i could see everyone and it was so many people i knew. it was so hot. sweat was almost dripping in my eyes and thats never happened to me before. my heart was beating so fast and i couldn't think or talk to anyone at all. usually i calm down a bit after 3 songs but this just spiralled to the point of passing out almost. renne had her new drums and i had my new guitar. we had candles lit and incense and 10 black balloons with eyes painted on them. i think that helped to have some visuals in such a flat boring bar as the 400. when we were done i still couldn't calm down. i could hardly deal with putting my equipment away and i had a splitting headache that was making me nauseated.
today it is 88 degrees and slightly breezy. cris and i snuggled a lot this morning and made love really fast which was so nice. but now he's at work til 2 or 3am.
i hope i'll work on my album cover today.