7.6.91 11:11pm
i've been looking at the clock and seeing a lot of those 2:22 3:33 11:11 things again. i'm starting to wind down a bit now. and i know by the time i wind down it'll be time to go. i've discovered that nature is pretty scary to me. i walked into the woods at dusk and i was pretty wide eyed and the other day when my mom took me 8 feet from the house to see the stars i couldn't see a foot in front of my face and i felt like i was in a void. i was holding her hand. it was scary! but it fascinates me and i love it.the smell is wonderful except for yesterday when we smelled a rotting animal. why don plants ok when they die but animlas are so revolting? such a smell of death. it makes you wnat to vomit...to revolt against it. there's so much to look at it's hard to pick one thing. just sitting on the rocky beach i could just look at the rocks or all the spiders on the rocks or how the waves splash onto the sand or the water as a whole or how it meets the horizon or the clouds, which is another realm entirely or the birds, etc etc etc. i feel so sad that i never see nature. lake of the isles just doesn't do it. cris called me tonight and i was happy, i miss my lover so much. he should be here with me. i went to the sandy beach today and got really happy. i went riding on my old bicycle which i don't think of ridden a bike in 5 years! that was scary and weird. pretty hot today. tomorrow i'm gonna go to church and i don't wanna! i'm so tired now so i'm gonna lay down and read the rest of this roxy muisc biography thing. g'nite.