anagram 113000

it's always when my life is busiest that i don't write much and don't pay attention to the cam the most. i have so many ideas in my head and some of them are almost going to begin. i am at a point right now where i am not insoired to take pictures of me, my house, or almost anything that happens in it because i've done so much of that already and my cams are all breaking and it's such a drag carrying the cams on the tripods everywhere i go, cause if i did that i wouldn't get anything done. i wish there were more cams that were pointed in more directions and more cams in all the rooms so i could just switch with a switcher between the cam and not have to deal with moving my cams all the time. it's incredibly hard to be on cam all the time since the cam really just focuses on such a small aspect of my surroundings.

deiter is stepping on all the unvalentines. jason comes home tomorrow night.

and at stacy's i didn't get to play with her cameras because of how her things are set up..u cannot see the picture before it takes a picture. so it was impossible for me to see what was happening or where the camera was pointing exactly. and i am still going through THOUSANDS of her campix saved from that trip!

and i still have to tell u about it! we did so much! argh! but it's too much to write down and now i am onto other things already. i must say tho that i could've just hung out in a cardboard box with her and just talked and the trip would have been just as fun :) it was so good to have some girl energy in my life. i wish so much we lived in the same town because we get excited by each others ideas and we love to play around with those ideas right away :)

i am finishing up the unvalentines. they take so long to do! next time i will definitely go about unvalentines in a more efficious fashion in a big way! then i am half done with my polaroid project. i am using up all my polaroids film that everyone has given me, then i will split the polaroids up between the people when i'm through the film. this way there is more of a chance that everyone gets the best quality polaroids.

and then i am way behind on fixing stuff on my site, like fixing the links on the 4cameras page, and making more anagrams, etc!

what i need is a very very high quality printer and i need a camcorder that can take digital photos ( and be able to zoom in REALLY close )as well. i am really inspired to take pictures of my surroundings when i go places as well as mini movies. so i am in the process still of trying to get these things and a new modem for my mobile laptop so i can go mobile again!

THAT's why i've been stuck on making pictures. i see so many pictures i want to take that it makes my heart hurt!
but they are just not inside my house.

first i'll get the unvalentines done, then the polaroid project, and then i will focus on getting a printer anda kick ass digital cam and new modem for my laptop.

i think anacam will start to take a new direction as soon as i get those things. i see anagrams as containing more polaroids, scans, digital pictures, and cam pictures and mini movies. and then mini movies with sound or the background with a song i made. i see it as even further as flash movies that incorporate my photos, scans, drawings, and songs that i wrote all put together in a big "thing". plus i want to start a documentation movie about me and things that are in my head that cannot be expressed in photo alone. then ALL if this will meld into a big organic more intense life as art thing.

i see things getting sillier and weirder and all around just REEALLY cool! hehe :) i will hope that u will stick around to watch the process of this unfold. even through the boring times, i thank your from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me, because of u i can have this kind of down time think session rejuvenating period and still eat and pay my rent! thank u thank u thank u!!! i could never thank u enough :)

deiter is freaking out and playing with a stuffed bear. my unvalentimes that i had stacked so nice are now in dissarray. augh. i gottafinish those tonight cause i want that off the floor! ah!

ok, so here are some polaroids atken in the last few months. they were scanned at 100dpi. and still my scanner makes polaroids darker than they actually are. i have more polaroids too cause stacy has some she is gonna scan from me and i also forgot a few of them at her house. and i have others to scan..like when i made polaroids into transparencies then laminated them..THEN took a colour xerox of that. i'm gonna scan the colour xerox.

there is one big ass anagram that will be made that will most likley be the next one. just have 2 sort through all those pix! ( i've already gone through 15,000!)

ok, gotta get this anagram up now so i can get back to unvalentines..then SleeeeeeeeeeeeeP! :)

from my livejournal/analog1

Monday, November 13th, 2000

6:23a i have been really slacking on a lot of things, i'm sure you've
noticed...but such is life...
having lots of heated discussions in anarchy..some of them quite junior high.
and the election! oy! and me getting the flu and then it has not been sunny
here at all for over a week now. just grey grey grey days that seem like night.
i need some solar power to rev me up again! everything is in a dissarray and
i am ridiculous unorganized and spaced out or deep in thought about a zillion
weird things having to do with psychology, communication, and interdimensions.
i want 2 take some yoga and tai chi lessons. so much 2 do. bills being unpaid.
house going 2 hell. and my body, too. a couple of my medications were making
me gain weight and bloat out. but now i'm trying some others. adjusting adjusting.
i don't even recognize my own body anymore. i'm used to weighing 95-97, and
now i weigh 120. how did that happen? i stopped stretching. i need to get
back to that. i need 2 figure out how much a cab would cost to go back and
forth from my fave healthy food market. i need to move, dance, stretch , get
on a treadmill. i was making some headway for a few weeks last month...then
i slacked back. time to kick myself in the ass again and have some frickin
discipline. i swear i will weigh at least 100 by the time the real millenium
says hello.i want 2 write more , read more, WATCH MORE MOVIES!i want 2 live
each day more 2 the fullest. i want 2 eat sushi everyday. i need 2 find a
way 2 make money 2 buy a house. i will fight this entropy and zap myself back.
my body is making me the most depressed. i don't dress uo anymore. i don't
put on make up. partly because i don't fit into all my clothes like i used
to. i ignore the cam because of it. i wish i had more of a warrior spirit
to just play with this new shape. but dammit, i just don't feel "right".
i'm embarrassed. my fcae is bloated and broken out. make up doesn't look as
good on me as it used to. i wish i could look healthy and vibrant like catherine
hepburn did and catherine deneuve.my my my.

i want 2 make films. i want 2 learn flash! i want 2 feel like not hiding my
body under big sweat shirts. i never thought i could get this way. but i learn
new things each year. i'll make it through this. i'm passed the crisis stage.
i'm not trying 2 wallow, i'm just trying 2 show u way i haven't been doing
more cam things. and my mobile cam has been down so long. it's needs a new
wireless modem. i miss taking the cam out with me...probably why i turned
to polaroids.
oh i have so many polaroids to scan and show u! and i have so many stories
2 tell u about little adventures i've had!

replies to this here:

http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=770040

Wednesday, November 15th, 2000

5:10p why is the option to delete posts and ban people from your livejournal gone?
(4 Comments | Comment on this)
7:32p i'm going to NYC tomrrow!
ok, i can now delete posts from my LJ again. for some reason i was not logged in.
tomorrow at 7am i'm going 2 NYC then i leave moveday night. i'm going to visit my friend stacy from atomcam.com
:)
i neeed 2 be in bed in 1 1/2 hours in order for me 2 get 8 hours of sleep...but that's not gonna happen 'cause i still have 2 do laundry and pack...and i wanted to bleach my roots too and cut my hair shorter and tie in white strips of cloth..and take a bath.
i have no idea what 2 pack. i think i'll just wear my big black comfy shirts and sweat shirts.
this will be the first time i get 2 go 2 NYC NOT for any business thing! yay!
stacy and i plan to sleep and talk and laugh and eat sushi and those yummy sugar coated almonds from the street vendors.
and i'm even gonna help her teach a class at the school of visual arts! :)
i am nervous and excited :)
and since she has a cam and a mobilecam i am going to try to broadcast her cam to my cam so u can see us :)
but if we aren't successful at broadcasting her cam to my cam then u can still watch it all at
www.atomcam.com :)
(15 Comments | Comment on this)
9:15p cute japanese sites:
http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~yu3m-ymmt/
http://madjunk.x0.com/
http://www.susono.com/~shun06/
http://www1.kcn.ne.jp/~jun/sozaiya/chibi.html
http://kogepan.hoops.ne.jp/
http://page.freett.com/tareq/index.html
http://www.alles.or.jp/~honey/links.htm

the japanese geocities:
http://www.geocities.co.jp/

http://www3.airnet.ne.jp/amber/ring/ring.html
http://takanami.to/cute/
http://www.lack-of-love.com/pc/index.html
http://www.geocities.co.jp/HeartLand-Suzuran/8146/
http://plastic.ac/
http://www.nobdesign.com/da/uhauha/

12:50a here in NYC :)
2 see me in nyc, go 2 atomcam.com or the page in ana2 that has all 4 cams

here are some excerpts that i just wrote 2 my cute boyfriend jason :) :

"i talked 2 u at the airport and i reeeeeeaaaaallllyyyyy need 2 hear the sound of your voice! even tho i am having a good time i miss u in the worst ever way. *meow meow meow!!!!* loverrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god this really sucks to be needing to hear your voice and smell u write now and feel your warm soft skin :(

today i went 2 chinatown and it was just like san francisco, but colder. i am taking lots of cool polaroids in the subways
i got a little tare panda :)
i saw the movie "requiem for a dream" made by the guy who made "pi"
VERY INTENSE!!!
i want 2 see it again with u because it was so intricate and also because i sat in the front row because those were the only seats left, which added to the surrealness of the movie but made me miss u more because i know how much i like he first aisle seats :)

i had some yummy vegetarian food today and bought many many weird as hell chinese foods like herbal jello and sesame honey fish candy ( yuck!)

teaching stacy's class yesterday was so fun :)
today she had off and tomorrow from 9am til noon she teaches flash.
i'll probably sleep during that time

her apartment is really cold so i have my fur coat on.
the subways are really hot

i was on the street where laurie anderson lives on...but had no "laurie or lou reed sighting" :)

stacy's cats, skutch, tiki and pez hav warmed up 2 me a bit.
i miss the pookadog and the deiterdog!
please give them zillions of hugs from me :)
i am sure that u are sleeping with them right now...i can see u and those two pressed up beside u like little cinnamon rolls.

i'm gonna go out into the living room now and settle down and watch some tv.
stacy is being such a wonderful hostess and i bleach her hair and dyed it fuschia (vampire red)! before that she was a manic panic virgin :)
she is showing me so many cool hang outs and restaurants and her area of the city looks JUST like sesame street! tomorrow we are gonna get together with terri and we are trying 2 track down lisa from hereandnow who is in NYC right now, too :)

lover! please call me or write 2 me ok?
but i would so much love 2 hear the sound of your voice
i need it
when i hear u talking in your voice mail message, it makes my heart hurt to feel your warm lips and 2 snuggle watching the daily show!

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
and infinite brackets,
ana

2:44a hi honey! i'm home! :)
i will tell u lotsafter i get some sleep :)
(1 Comment | Comment on this)
2:57a top 5 epiphanies
i am gonna copt stacy (www.atomcam.com) and ask the question she asked in her livejournal:

"what are your top 5 epiphany moments in your life? you know...those times when, for whatever reason no matter how huge or insignificant, you are changed by an experience and you know you will never be the same? you tell me yours, i'll tell you mine."

also u can read a lot about what stacy and i did in NYC from her standpoint at her livejournal:
stacy.livejournal.com

stacy! i klonkite u! ( is that the right spelling? )
(25 Comments | Comment on this)
4:32a pix at stacy's
if anyone has snatched some cool pix at stacy's house while i was there, please email them 2 me at ana101@hotmail.com ( if u have the energy )
thank u!!!

2:40p what ten things are u most thankful for? :)
(replies to that here: http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=844873)
:)
(18 Comments | Comment on this)
9:42p i am so full i feel like i'm going 2 give birth 2 a pumpkin pie!

Friday, November 24th, 2000

4:00p what's your favourite beatles song?
?

(relplies to that here:http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=851568)

Saturday, November 25th, 2000

1:11p last night i watched the movie "fight club" it was VERY good and not at all what u would expect it 2 be..and i cannot stress that enough :) but i can't tell u anything more about it, or it would ruin it for u if u haven't seen it yet. and now jason and i are gonna watch galazy quest. there are a ton more movies then that i rented. jason leaves tomorrow for NYC! can u believe it? then comes back thursday! augh! i wish i could take him 2 all the places that i just saw

Time Event
11:53a jason is leaving today to nyc for business and i am going to miss him so much! argh!
(1 Comment | Comment on this)
4:47p i called my mom and she was watching cnn so now i am too..but goddammit...it's is as boring as it is interesting
(2 Comments | Comment on this)
11:28p so did your thanksgiving rule or suck?

5:38a cleaned and cleaned, thought and thought, organized and organized, watched movies and more movies. now i'ts almost 6am so i better go 2 sleep, altho ,y mind wants to keep cleaning 'cause i'm on a roll..by body says sleep sleep sleep
(1 Comment | Comment on this)
8:36p i am working on the unvalentines and the polaroid project. i went 2 an opening ceremony for the building that has the condo i have on hold. i made it 1 minute until it was done and handed the realtors and owners silly putty and hellokitty candy. 2 of them were totally bewildered and said, " i'll give it to my children" and i said, " no! it's for uuuuuuuuuu! :)" and i tried to make them understand that they could eat candy even if it was hello kitty candy and that silly putty is great to relieve stress at the very least. but one the women got it and said " silly putty! i love silly putty!" and i'm like, " ya! silly putty rules!!!" so i was glad for that.
then i piled onto a tiny plastic plate..all the food that was there and they were putting it away. mmmm, breakfast :) since that was my first meal of the day :)
now the food has made me very tired, but i wanna keep awake 'cause going 2 sleep at 8:30pm isn't what i want.
so i'm gonna work on unvalentines some more while i watch tv.
then it's off 2 bed

here's an interesting discussion that is taking place on stacy's livejournal:

http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=879426

---

some posts i made:

Re: Work and Worth, Performance and Prostitution, pt 2
ana
2000-11-29 19:09
i know. today in alt.fan.jennicam i guess nothing really catching their hateful hearts for fodder...so one guy took one word out of my latest livejournal entry "tired".

i was tired cause i had just ate a huge meal. then i continued to be awake until 3am, working on unvalentines.

they like to think that i am lazy and do nothing, all i am is tired and sick and cranky and whiny and psycho. and then that thread turned into "her tits look like someone put a straw in them and blew"

what the fuck??? they are just so hateful.

i know my tits look like someone blew stuff into them, because that is essentially what they did! i know they don't look real! i admit they are not real! but WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT SHAPE MY BREASTS ARE? it's ridiculous.

when i have my nextboob job i'm gonna get square or pryamid shaped breasts. i can do what i want.

if my breasts aren't real does this mean i am not real? and what does this have to do with beinga bit tired after a meal?

alt.fan.jennicam is interesting to read because it is so utterly hateful that i try to understand why. people think they are observing me solely. when actually i am observing them intently to try to understand. all that surrounds cams and my cam especially for obvious reasons ( cause it's my cam ), the media, bbs, newsgroups, emails i get, conversations with other camgirls.

it would be interesting to find out what kind of reaction the camboys are getting

another:

i have so much 2 say about this..but terri is pretty much saying it for me :) when i get in my "typing mode" perhaps i'll go on a rampage but right now i am making unvalentines.

just wanted to correct one thing...jennifer has said many times and to me that her cam is not about art at all. in fact when i burst upon the "cam scene" ( which i was about the 7th camgirl )and declared that my cam was art i was scared when that "meme" ( is that a corrrect usage of that word? )which was "cam as art" was gonna bug the crap out of her because then the journalists started asking her about her site being art and she was like, "huh?"
when we finally became friends slowly we talked about this a lot.

which i guess brings up the thing..is it art even tho the person making it says it's not?