[04 Nov 2001|03:06pm]
grr. my watch stopped. i can't stand not knowing what time it is. you'd think
that wouldn't matter to me, but it does.i tried living without knowing what
time it was for a year....but i couldn't do it. all i would do is ask everyone
on the street what time it was.
tonight is all the good tv shows...a new simpsons and a new x files :)
plus on the comedy channel it's "adult swim" with sealab and the
brak show!
each day i feel a bit emotionally better.
it seems this year is all about having to live without acceptance from anyone who's opinion of me i hold in high regard. this is a very difficult thing to do and it sucks shit. still, i have to do it, or i won't survive.
my self assurance has to be rock solid in order for me to survive this life. but it also has to be balanced somehow with knowing that i am not a rock that can survive solely on it's own. this is a wicked hard thing to do let alone even understand for me.
and then knowing when to trust that the universe will take care of me balanced with knowing that i have to take care of myself.
my mom called me and asked me if i wanted to go shopping a few days ago. she tried to sound all cheerful and trying to sweep the dirt under the carpet. i didn't call her back. i don't have the energy to deal with that right now.