analog 092801

[17 Sep 2001|04:54pm]

still so grey. i'm just trying to keep plugging away with my day here so i don't fall into a terrible funk

[17 Sep 2001|05:59pm]
pms.

reflections on humanity and media after tragedy: [17 Sep 2001|06:04pm]
http://web.mit.edu/cms/reconstructions/

did you see david letterman with his guest dan rather last night? woa. [18 Sep 2001|11:29am]
and then regis was on letterman, too, which was just...uncomfortable. and then craig kilborn tried to muster up some sympathy but it wasn't convincing. it seemed the only thing that was really freaking him out is he didn't know what the etiquette was for when his show could return to comedy. wow craig, dig deep.

i have SO much more to write about this whole war thing. i have been fighting off getting a cold for the past few days, tho, and i think i'm losing the battle. gonna take a nap. fall is here. it's getting cold. i have a bunch of candles lit to add more warmth to this grey humid cold day. it's a good day to stay snuggled in blankets and drink tea

Where Do We Go From Here? [18 Sep 2001|02:24pm]
The tragedy that has fallen upon our nation has placed world leaders, and individuals alike, into the uneasy position of uncharted territory. There are no models, strategies or manuals, no one to turn to with detailed procedures as to where we go from here. How are we to respond to such an unconscionable act carried out by faceless perpetrators resulting in unimaginable losses? How do our leaders balance the anger of a nation with the most sophisticated arsenal of military power that the world has ever known? History has shown us that there are no "pat", predetermined answers to these questions. There are only our choices that result from what we know and believe to be true, information that changes by the hour.

In the aftermath of the last hours and days, the magnitude of what has happened is surpassed only by the uncertainty of what comes next. This, by far, is the greatest fear that I have heard expressed. The events that have unfolded leave us at a particularly perilous crossroads teetering between our emotions of outrage and the need for retribution and a longing for reason. What are we to "do" next?

What we must bear in mind is that the choices made in the next hours and days will set the course of human history for generations to come.

The magnitude of the events within the last days has opened a deep wound in the consciousness of our nation and the civilized world; a void that seeks to be filled quickly, to balance the emptiness. Whatever rushes in to fill the void of our nation's loss will set the stage for events of lasting consequences and irreversible effects. Do we fill the void with an overwhelming display of force and power to quell the pain of a grieving nation, or do we fill the void with the measured response of a nation demonstrating to the world that we have truly entered an unprecedented era of dealing with conflict through new and innovative ways?

Albert Einstein stated that the problems of our world cannot be solved with the same thinking that created the problems to begin with. The events of September 11, 2001 may well represent the first opportunity in the new millennium for the most powerful nation in the history of the earth to demonstrate to the world that there is another way to deal with those who oppose our ideals of peace and freedom. The choices that we make as a people will define us as a nation and lay the foundation of global policies for generations to come.

What Do We Do?

Clearly, there is nothing that can justify the unthinkable acts of tragedy and pre-meditated attacks that have resulted in the loss of so many lives. Just as clearly, there is nothing that we can do to any individual or any nation to bring back the immeasurable number of lives that have been lost.

Our office has been flooded with telephone calls and email messages asking a simple question: "What do we do?"

I will be the first to state clearly that I do not have "the answer" to this question. Each individual must find a way to reconcile the events of the last days in their minds and in their hearts. Sometimes it helps to break the big problems into manageable pieces. I offer the following as guidelines only, in an effort to serve those who have asked for recommendations and guidance.

With these ideas in mind, our first actions must be near-term:
1. To care for our own.
-To search for survivors.
-To support our rescue and recovery teams, our governmental and organizational leaders.
Clearly our nation has been attacked. We must demonstrate that not only has the attack failed to fragment our country, it has melded our nation into a unified force of support and solidarity.
-To take the necessary precautions to secure our nation in the presence of the very real threat of additional attacks.

2. To choose our response wisely and responsibly
-To understand that the policies of "globalization" have melded us into a global family. The choices made over the next days and weeks will affect all people of all nations and have the potential of lasting consequences for the quality of life and the future of our world.
-To invoke our power of prayer, a very real power that quantum science now defines as our ability to participate in a unified web of energy that links all of creation.
-Through our prayers, empower our leaders to choose wisely, with the guidance of our creator, for the good of all people with the long-term vision of a global peace rather than a short-term goal of balancing an act of terror.

3. Ultimately, to realize that there is no "them" and "us."
We share the same world and there is a "we" - different aspects of the same conscious body. When the dust has settled, ultimately, we must look deep within ourselves to know what it is within ourselves that is mirrored by increasingly greater acts of terror and destruction. From dysfunctional families, to school shootings, to acts of terror against the United States on foreign soil, to the attacks upon our own soil, we are witnessing a pattern of increasingly greater acts of anger and lack of respect for human life directed toward Americans. Imposing a military action on the "outside" does not change the thinking that led to the acts to begin with. If we have the wisdom to recognize the language of "mirrors," we will have witnessed an obvious indication of the need for change.

The Prayer

Though we may each feel as though we are being tested, the oldest texts of humankind suggest that moments such as this can become less of a test and more of an opportunity to demonstrate to the world, and to one another, precisely the kind of people and nation that we have become.

As we consider our response to the tragedies, we must remember that we are no longer responding alone. Our response will have implications that reach deep into the hearts and the streets of our closest allies and most distant neighbors. While a response is certainly warranted, the world is looking to us, the most powerful nation in the history of the earth, to temper our response with reason, justice and a consideration for our global family and collective future.

I invite you to join me in a prayer empowering our leaders with the wisdom of a greater power as they implement their choices of response. Utilizing our "lost mode of prayer" identified in the Great Isaiah Scroll, where we feel as if the outcome has already occurred, rather than asking for intervention, our prayer may begin as:

Dear God,
In this time of great tragedy, we give thanks for the courage within our leaders to recognize the difference between the anger in their minds, the wisdom of their hearts and the courage to act wisely in their choices.

May each leader have the strength to act for the good of all people, in all nations and our collective future as a global family.

Through this prayer we claim that peace, democracy and human life are stronger and more enduring than the buildings that symbolize them. We breathe life into their existence from the dust of hate that is transformed by our soil.

For these blessings in our lives, we give thanks,

Amen

My prayer is that these insights are meaningful to you in your life. Without doubt, the world changed on September 11, 2001. What remains to be seen is precisely how the change unfolds.

Many blessings of peace,

Gregg Braden
Melbourne, Australia 2001

Rosh Hashana, A New Year [18 Sep 2001|02:29pm]
A WORLD OUT OF TOUCH WITH ITSELF:
Where the Violence Comes From
by Rabbi Michael Lerner

There is never any justification for acts of terror against innocent civilians--it is the quintessential act of dehumanization and not recognizing the sanctity of others. The violence being directed against Americans today, like the violence being directed against Israeli civilians by Palestinian terrorists, or the violence being directed against Palestinian civilians by the Israeli army occupying the West Bank and Gaza, seem to point to a world increasingly irrational and out of control.

It's understandable why many of us will feel anger. Demagogues will try to direct that anger at various "target groups" (Muslims are in particular danger, though Yassir Arafat and other Islamic leaders have unequivocally denounced these terrorist acts). The militarists will use this as a moment to call for increased defense spending at the expense of the needy. Right wing may even seek to limit civil liberties. President Bush will feel pressure to look "decisive" and take "strong" action--phrases that can be manipulated toward irrational responses to an irrational attack.

To counter that potential of mass panic, or the manipulation of our fear and anger for narrow political ends, a well-meaning media will instead try to narrow our focus solely on the task of finding and punishing the perpetrators. These people, of course, should be caught and punished.

But in some ways this exclusive focus allows us to avoid dealing with the underlying issues. When violence becomes so prevalent throughout the planet, it's too easy to simply talk of "deranged minds." We need to ask ourselves, "What is it in the way that we are living, organizing our societies, and treating each other that makes violence seem plausible to so many people?"

It's true, but not enough, to say that the current violence is a reflection of our estrangement from God. More precisely, it is the way we fail to respond to each other as embodiments of the sacred. We may tell ourselves that the current violence has "nothing to do" with the way that we've learned to close our ears when told that one out of every three people on this planet does not have enough food, and that one billion are literally starving. We may reassure ourselves that the hoarding of the world's resources by the richest society in world history, and our frantic attempts to accelerate globalization with its attendant inequalities of wealth, has nothing to do with the resentment that others feel toward us. We may tell ourselves that the suffering of refugees and the oppressed have nothing to do with us--that that's a different story that is going on somewhere else. But we live in one world, increasingly interconnected with everyone, and the forces that lead people to feel!
outrage; anger and desperation eventually impact on our own daily lives.

The same sense of disconnection to the plight of others operates in the minds of many of these terrorists. Raise children in circumstances where no one is there to take care of them, or where they must live by begging or selling their bodies in prostitution, put them in refugee camps and tell them that that they have "no right of return" to their homes, treat them as though they are less valuable and deserving of respect because they are part of some despised national or ethnic group, surround them with a media that extols the rich and makes everyone who is not economically successful and physically trim and conventionally "beautiful" feel bad about themselves, offer them jobs whose sole goal is to enrich the "bottom line" of someone else, and teach them that "looking out for number one" is the only thing anyone "really" cares about and that anyone who believes in love and social justice are merely naive idealists who are destined to always remain powerless, and you will produ!
ce a world-wide population of people feeling depressed, angry, and in various ways dysfunctional. Luckily most people don't act out in violent ways--they tend to act out more against themselves, drowning themselves in alcohol or drugs or personal despair. Others turn toward fundamentalist religions or ultra-nationalist extremism. Still others find themselves acting out against people that they love, acting angry or hurtful toward children or relationship partners.

Most Americans will feel puzzled by any reference to this "larger picture." It seems baffling to imagine that somehow we are part of a world system which is slowly destroying the life support system of the planet, and quickly transferring the wealth of the world into our own pockets. We don't feel personally responsible when an American corporation runs a sweatshop in the Philippines or crushes efforts of workers to organize in Singapore. We don't see ourselves implicated when the U.S. refuses to consider the plight of Palestinian refugees or uses the excuse of fighting drugs to support repression in Colombia or other parts of Central America. We don't even see the symbolism when terrorists attack America's military center and our trade center--we talk of them as buildings, though others see them as centers of the forces that are causing the world so much pain. We have narrowed our own attention to "getting through" or "doing well" in our own personal lives, and who has time !
to focus on all the rest of this? Most of us are leading perfectly reasonable lives within the options that we have available to us--so why should others be angry at us, much less strike out against us? And the truth is, our anger is also understandable: the striking out by others in acts of terror against us is just as irrational as the world-system that it seeks to confront.

When people have learned to de-sanctify each other, to treat each other as means to our own ends, to not feel the pain of those who are suffering, we end up creating a world in which these kinds of terrible acts of violence become more common. This is a world out of touch with itself, filled with people who have forgotten how to recognize and respond to the sacred in each other because we are so used to looking at others from the standpoint of what they can do for us, how we can use them toward our own ends. No one should use this as an excuse for these terrible acts of violence--the absolute quintessence of de-sanctification. I categorically reject any notion that violence is ever justified. It is always an act of de-sanctification, of not being able to see the divine in the other. .

We should pray for the victims and the families of those who have been hurt or murdered in these crazy acts. Yet we should also pray that America does not return to "business as usual," but rather turns to a period of reflection, coming back into touch with our common humanity, asking ourselves how our institutions can best embody our highest values. We may need a global day of atonement and repentance dedicated to finding a way to turn the direction of our society at every level, a return to the most basic Biblical ideal: that every human life is sacred, that "the bottom line" should be the creation of a world of love and caring, and that the best way to prevent these kinds of acts is not to turn ourselves into a police state, but turn ourselves into a society in which social justice, love, and compassion are so prevalent that violence becomes only a distant memory.

RabbiLerner@tikkun.org www.Tikkun.org

[18 Sep 2001|02:39pm]
cold grey drizzly day. pms. a cold getting worse. and no cable tv.

but i've got it goooood. i've got it GOOD! i live like a queen :)

[18 Sep 2001|03:53pm]
today israel said they would cease fire on palestine. and palestine ssaid it would also cease fire but took it ONE STEP FURTHER...
they said that even if the israeli's DID fire upon them, they would not even fire back.

i applaud their example to us all.

GOD IS IN ALLAH US [18 Sep 2001|10:41pm]
i'm searching for my state of grace again. i fell out of it by thinking in limited and negative ways. i need to trust that the universe will provide as it always has.
---------
for some reason i am unable to add any more friends to my friends list :( i don't know why :(

my cold feels worse. i'm sure i have a temperature. i went up to jason's for awhile to watch movies that had nothing to do with war. now i'm watching david lettermen 'cause tori is gonna be on tonight :)

[19 Sep 2001|01:34pm]
my cold is worse. i feel icky and dizzy and itchy.
ploughing on with my day anyway. moved computers around
'cause certain cables were not working again. fed the dogs. cleaned a bit.
gonna clean a bit more. had dreams about tori and had more dreams about planes crashing. i have so much of the rest of the day left and i just have no energy or interest in doing anything. i have no attention span. i feel antsy and exhausted.
even thou i moved most of the bandwidth eating stuff into ana2, my bill went up 300 bucks more. this is truly depressing. i'm either going to have to raise the price of ana2, or take off a lot of stuff off the server. i pay over 300 in storage fees alone anyway. and that # keeps going up sharply all the time since i add SO much to my site each month. blarg.
i might have to raise the price of ana2 to 12 or 15 bucks...take my music off the server ( and i can email it to people instead? ) and make the refresh on anacam 10 minutes instead of 5. i don't know. just thinking of ways to keep surviving. i trust the universe will guide me in the right direction.

[19 Sep 2001|02:19pm]
if i decided to experiment with planned events on anacam and ana2....which are the hours that would be best for you to view it live?
(please tell me the time that would be in Central Standard Time because that's the time zone i'm in )

you can now pay for http://ana2.com with paypal :)

[19 Sep 2001|04:04pm]
when jason comes home he's going to take me to target so i can get some echinacea and zinc and vitamin c and the new tori cd :) i love jason :) he is my creature :)

now it's time for a nap. i'm so so tired. i didn't watch ANY tv today which is a very good thing because i need a break from the news. i think the stress of that whole thing is what brought on this cold i have now.

here's a cool email i received today:
"I've heard what I think is an excellent alternative response to the terror
problem. Yes we should bomb the bastards, but not with nukes
or smart bombs. We should bomb their asses with crates full of food,
clothing, bicycles, medicines, shoes, tents, copies of the Koran, Bibles,
books, blankets, toys, candy, tools, beer, sodas, etc. If we beat them into
the ground like we are fixin to do, isn't it just gonna make them hate us
that much more? Hard to do? Yes, but it would take greater courage I think,
to kill them with kindness than its going to take to dish out more
violence. It would certainly shock them as well as the rest of the world
and might actually be more effective at curbing the hatred for us as will
punishing a bunch of folks with really, nothing to lose. Perhaps we should
have the strength and creativity to respond in a totally unexpected way.
Might even please God if he exists. I know it wouldn't be the complete
answer to the terrorists but it sure might give a lot of people reason to
reconsider. Certainly not something the "Great Satan" would be
expected to do! We can always send the troops and tanks later if need be."

my cold is A LOT better, tho :)

last chance to get into ana2 for $10 [20 Sep 2001|06:16pm]
effective monday, september 24th, the price for ana2 will increase to $15 a month.
when i first started ana2 many years ago, the archives were small and mostly what you got was a faster refresh. today, ana2 is a VAST library full of 4 years of images, videos, and sound and text. so i must increase the price if i wish to keep ana2 and anacam alive.

everyone that is an ana2 member currently and is in recurring billing will remain at the $10 a month price. it will be only if they unsubscribe and then resubscribe after monday that the price will increase for them.

i am giving a few days notice before this takes place for anyone who wants to still get in at the $10 a month price.

the refresh rate on anacam is going to increase from every 5 minutes to every 7 minutes as soon as i get around to doing that.

i wish things could always stay the same when it comes to things like this, but it's just inevitable as things cost more and more as the years go on.

thank you for your understanding and support :)

http://www.ana2.com

( if you joined ana2 to donate to the red cross and want to get into recurring billing at the $10 level, simply email me at webmaster@anacam.com )

[20 Sep 2001|07:42pm]
fuck. i forgot that tori tickets went onsale today :/

[20 Sep 2001|08:43pm]
i'm watching the president's speech. then i'm going to watch the finale of BB2.
i wonder if al gore still wishes he had won. hilary clinton seemed utterly disinterested in bush's speech.

Outrage, fear and the desire to avenge our national pride are expectable and appropriate responses to such a devastating attack on our nation and the terrible pain and loss we have endured. Over and over again in the hours following the event the president and other national leaders have drilled into our minds that this is a war of good against evil. No one can disagree that the perpetrators of these dark deeds must be found and brought to justice, even if it means holding accountable people in the countries that give them refuge. But if these actions include outright attacks on those nations, thus killing more innocent civilians, will this not give birth to addition enemies out of the rubble of destruction?

And who exactly is the enemy? Is it the terrorists who committed the acts and those who direct them? Is it all the Palestinian individuals and Arab groups who applauded them? Is it the Islamic nations that harbor them or, like Iraq, sympathize with them? Well, yes. But is it also all those who hate America, or are highly critical of aspects of our way of life? Is it all the critics of American privilege, wealth and military power, for surely the targets chosen are symbolic of these elements of our society? The list can become rather large and amorphous.

We have been told repeatedly that this was an attack upon American civilization itself, our way of life and everything we stand for. But what exactly lies at the heart of our civilization? If this is a war of good against evil, then what is the best for which we stand? It is here, I believe, that an extraordinary opportunity lies before us.

Two centuries ago, our fore bearers lit the torch of democracy and justice that today shines in so many corners of the world. In the wake of our shared national tragedy, we again have an opportunity to bring forth a new possibility for the nations of the earth. This time it will be a revolution in the way of being human, a consciousness that lifts all boats, in which every person on the planet has a chance to be included, and no one will be left out.

It will be a consciousness that is self-reflective, awake to the arrogance of power, not blind to the injustices of privilege and wealth around the planet. This way of being will know not just the anger of the victims of terrorism, but also the suffering and despair in the Middle East and other regions where that deadly virus breeds. The capacity of the human mind to polarize and find enemies to hate will always be there. But, if we reflect deeply, we will discover in ourselves the ability to recognize this tendency and resist its destructive excesses.

We have the possibility in our time of tragedy to create a genuine global community which is different from a self-congratulatory globalism that masks economic inequality. This new way of being is sensitive to human suffering and oppression everywhere. It is committed to a politics of healing. We have the chance now to move toward an authentic common human identity that yet respects and protects cultural richness and diversity. In this transformation of consciousness we have a unique opportunity to find the peace for which my eight-year-old friend and so many others have longed since the beginning of civilization.
--------------------
About the Author:
John E. Mack, M.D., is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, child psychologist and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Mack is the founder of the Center for Psychology & Social Change. He is the author or co-author of ten books, including A Prince of Our Disorder, a Pulitzer Prize-winning biography of T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia), and most recently, Passport to the Cosmos.

26 new (oldie but goodie) pictures :) [21 Sep 2001|02:00am]
are up here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/anacam

another one [21 Sep 2001|12:02pm]
http://www.parajournal.com/

is that sun i actually see outside?
my cold is almost gone
i'm reading LJ and email
i'm thinking about planned events for ana2 and anacam and what times i would do them....

i'm trying to figure out how i can upload my muisc to mp3.com so people can hear it. but i can't find any mention on mp3.com that you can still do that.

[21 Sep 2001|02:37pm]
i can't believe it's actually sunny out! i MUST get outside! it's been raining here since the WTC. listening to kristen hersh. bought tori tickets. yay!
did the anacam biz stuff. ate my breakfast which was a carbsolutions bar and a diet coke. i started the atkin's diet again a few days ago. this is the last time i'll probably be on it because i only want to lose 5 more pounds and then i'll be where i want to be...105.

i have decided that it will be tuesday and thursday nights that i will do some "planned events" for anacam and ana2 since jason comes home late those days and so it won't take away from any time we can spend together. i might add more days. i don't know exact times yet.
also i am thinking of having daily bubblebaths at a specific time and also reading stories through realaudio at specific times. bedtime stories perhaps :)

[21 Sep 2001|07:12pm]
i am dealing with a motherlode of pms.
i've been working on ana2 all day...getting duplicate files off the server. the whole thing is a mess. i wish i had a new computer to put all of it on and sort through it and make it cleaner and sensible the way the folders are right now is simply stupid.

[21 Sep 2001|09:07pm]
i am piecing together all the anagrams i've ever made onto my computer and then i'm going to make a cdrom of them. it's going to take awhile because the pieces are all over in different folders.

in fact, i want to burn all of ana2 and anacam's 1st 4 years of everything on to disk.

i think this may be even more death defying than organizing my house!

photo albums and the tori cd [21 Sep 2001|10:05pm]
when i can afford it, i want to invest in some really nice photo albums that can also contain newspaper clipping. i want to buy the very best that will preserve the photos and pieces of paper for the longest time.

any suggestions?

i'm listening to the new tori cd right now. and while i like each individual song...the songs themselves don't fit together very well for me. the flow of them...i wish it either built up or built down...i don't like being switched back and forth from creepy songs to melancholy songs that aren't creepy. it jerks my moods around

(jason's rockstar boyfriend is thom yorke. grrrrrr. i'm jealous!!! :/ )

and what rock star diva were jason and i BOTH in a past life? (altho i don't know how that can be since she is still alive...)

[22 Sep 2001|02:44pm]
(From the Kansas Humane Society)

Thank you to everyone who donated to the to the NYC search and
rescue dog
teams. We have had an overwhelming response to our call for help
and stand
amazed at the generosity. Over $2,500 in dog booties and
financial donations
have been sent to the Search and Response New York City Offices
thanks to
the generous donations from the Wichita community. Donations
will continue
to be accepted for the next week.

"We have had an overwhelming response to help the search and
rescue dogs in
their work," said Jennifer Campbell, Director of Communications.
"Now we are
asking people to remember the companion animals of those who are
missing in
this unfortunate tragedy."

Animals that were rescued from evacuated homes following the
World Trade
Center disaster are being treated primarily for shock,
dehydration, and
respiratory distress at local animal shelters. In addition, many
more
companion animals may soon find themselves declared abandoned,
as their
owners can no longer care for them and are taken to area
shelters. This will
put an increased demand on the shelters both financially and
physically.
Financial donations are encouraged to the following
organizations.

American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
ASPCA Disaster Relief Fund
424 E. 92nd Street
New York, NY 10128
(212) 876-7700, ext 4515 or 4516
www.aspca.org

North Shore Animal League
Canine Emergency Relief Fund
NSAL America, Department CERF
Lewyt Street
Port Washington, NY 11050
www.nsal.org/wtc.html

New York City Offices
c/o Search and Response
Chambers St
New York, NY 10007

[22 Sep 2001|02:47pm]
Dear friends around the world:

The events of this day cause every thinking person to
stop their daily
lives, whatever is going on in them, and to ponder
deeply the larger
questions of life. We search again for not only the
meaning of life, but the
purpose of our individual and collective experience as
we have created
it--and we look earnestly for ways in which we might
recreate ourselves as a
human species, so that we will never treat each other
this way again.

The hour has come for us to demonstrate at the highest
level our most
extraordinary thought about Who We Really Are. There
are two possible
responses to what has occurred today. The first comes
from love, the second
from fear.

If we come from fear we may panic and do things--as
individuals and as
nations--that could only cause further damage. If we
come from love we will
find refuge and strength, even as we provide it to
others.

This is the moment of your ministry. This is the time
of teaching. What you
teach at this time, through your every word and action
right now, will
remain as indelible lessons in the hearts and minds of
those whose lives you
touch, both now, and for years to come.

We will set the course for tomorrow, today. At this
hour. In this moment.
Let us seek not to pinpoint blame, but to pinpoint
cause. Unless we take
this time to look at the cause of our experience, we
will never remove
ourselves from the experiences it creates. Instead, we
will forever live in
fear of retribution from those within the human family
who feel aggrieved,
and, likewise, seek retribution from them.

To us [Buddhist thinkers] the reasons are clear. We
have not learned the
most basic human lessons. We have not remembered the
most basic human
truths. We have not understood the most basic
spiritual wisdom. In short, we
have not been listening to God, and because we have
not, we watch ourselves
do ungodly things.

The message we hear from all sources of truth is
clear: We are all one. That
is a message the human race has largely ignored.
Forgetting this truth is
the only cause of hatred and war, and the way to
remember is simple: Love,
[in] this and every moment.

If we could love even those who have attacked us, and
seek to understand why
they have done so, what then would be our response?
Yet if we meet
negativity with negativity, rage with rage, attack
with attack, what then
will be the outcome?

These are the questions that are placed before the
human race today. They
are questions that we have failed to answer for
thousands of years. Failure
to answer them now could eliminate the need to answer
them at all.

If we want the beauty of the world that we have
co-created to be experienced
by our children and our children's children, we will
have to become
spiritual activists right here, right now, and cause
that to happen. We must
choose to be a cause in the matter.

So, talk with God today. Ask God for help, for counsel
and advice, for
insight and for strength and for inner peace and for
deep wisdom. Ask God on
this day to show us how to show up in the world in a
way that will cause the
world itself to change. And join all those people
around the world who are
praying right now, adding your Light to the Light that
dispels all fear.

That is the challenge that is placed before every
thinking person today.
Today the human soul asks the question: What can I do
to preserve the beauty
and the wonder of our world and to eliminate the anger
and hatred--and the
disparity that inevitably causes it--in that part of
the world which I
touch?

Please seek to answer that question today, with all
the magnificence that is
You. What can you do TODAY...[at] this very moment? A
central teaching in
most spiritual traditions is: What you wish to
experience, provide for
another.

Look to see, now, what it is you wish to
experience--in your own life, and
in the world. Then see if there is another for whom
you may be the source of
that. If you wish to experience peace, provide peace
for another. If you
wish to know that you are safe, cause [others] to know
that they are safe.
If you wish to better understand seemingly
incomprehensible things, help
another to better understand.

If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to
heal the sadness or
anger of another.

Those others are waiting for you now. They are looking
to you for guidance,
for help, for courage, for strength, for
understanding, and for assurance at
this hour. Most of all, they are looking to you for
love.

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

[22 Sep 2001|08:08pm]
i feel very intense and focused today. i am redoing ana2 and that will be my primary focus for awhile.

around 7 years ago i had this prophetic dream about that WTC disaster. i realized this when jason pointed that out to me. i have told him the dream many times. it has always stuck with me and frightened me. and now i have to find it in my journal so i can scan it and put it up. it is so right on about what is happening in the world right now and what is happening in my personal life. it freaks me out that i could have a prophetic dream that comes true years and years later about such very specific things.

i also have been thinking a lot about bin laden and hitler and how it is so easy for society to blame just one person for the killing of thousands and millions. if i could go back in time and kill hitler, i would. but i truly believe that if hitler hadn't taken up "the cause of the energy that was surrounding all that at that time" , it would have just manifested itself in another way.

i feel we, as a world, need to take more responsibility for the violence that happens around us. even when it is far far away. we cannot just blame it on one person and then think if that person had never existed "all of this" would have never happened. we ALL were part of it somehow whether we conciously realize this or not.

however, my ideas are not fully formed on that matter and i will elborate on it later when i have more time to explain.

gonna hang out with jason now.

ana voog
p.o. box 76152
saint paul, mn
55175
usa

i must receive it by the 19th of october as her concert is on the 21st of october and i'll need a few days to put it together.
keep in mind that mercury is going into retrograde october 1st through the 22nd (yuck)
which means that communication and travel will be more difficult. letters could take slower to arrive and things might be harder to communicate and not be misunderstood. also take into account that since there is the war and planes are fuct mail will take slower, so make sure to get your letter in on time :)

i hope the retrograde thing won't get in the way of me handing this book over to tori *crosses toes*

i will bind it all with ribbons and thread and make a cool cover for it, i'm sure she would love such a thing, who wouldn't? :)

[23 Sep 2001|01:36pm]
a maple tree turned colour overnight and shed a bunch of leaves. ack! i like fall, but so far this fall is just cold, grey and very damp. :/

i've taken down the link to the sleep station for now because i need to move it over from one server to another. i am also going to delete people from it because i havce SO many people that are signed up on it but do not ever ever login. i just need to start the whole thing over again so it has only the people that ever login on it to have access. also i need to set down harsher rules about people shutting off their cams when they are not sleeping on there. it's irritating me and at the moment i just do not have the time to monitor the sleepstation all the time to make sure that everyone is following that rule. so, the sleepstation will go back up when i move it and have the time to monitor it more closely,

all of yesterday i was working on making ana2 into a cd rom. it's going to take a long time to get that done. insane amounts of pictures.

scott the batemania....your latest message to me is HILARIOUS! i saved it :) i will speak to you soon in a funny voice :)

[24 Sep 2001|10:48am]
strangely, i have not felt one speck of anger about the terrorist attack. only sadness.

[24 Sep 2001|11:12am]
is there anywhere online that i could download a game like Pong? i really miss Pong.

[24 Sep 2001|11:26am]
there are 4 anavoog.com cds for sale on amazon :) fyi

[24 Sep 2001|12:17pm]
is there anyone flying to L.A. that would take my dog sebastian with them so that my friend Maw can pick him up there?

he has flown before and he's really really mellow on planes :)

[24 Sep 2001|07:03pm]
is it true that you can't bring pets on planes anymore?

i just turned on the tv and there is this
"who wants to be a princess?" thing which is exactly like that who wants to narry a millionaire thing.

gack.

well, so i have been trying to do that the last few days. sometimes when i come i can imagine the light pouring out of my clitoris and into the matrix of the universe for healing and for joy. and the light sprouts out the top of my head and it also shoots straight down out of my toes deep into the core of the earth and then it all circles back again into me and then out again.

i know that sounds like a bunch of hippy trippy new age fruity weirdness, but so be it.

so tonight i came 33 times in an hour and 1/2 and i tried so hard to focus my energy but i think i just tried too damn hard and i couldn't really get a focus on anything. all i could see is that plane crashing into the WTC. i see Atta's face screaming and laughing or perhaps he was totally silent. i can feel his pain that is deeper than one could ever express. i can feel his hate that took him over and ate him and wasn't satisfied at just that. it is a hate that can never get full. i just know that wherever Atta's spirit is, he knows that didn't solve anything. it didn't feed his hate enough. he could have destroyed the entire world, his hate eating like a gluttonous black hole. it would never be enough.

it's like in the movie Forrest Gump when forrest says to his friend the girl as she is throwing rocks at an old house she was sexually abused in " sometimes there just isn't enough rocks to throw"

i don't know the exact quote. i know that flying a plane into a building and killing thousands of innocent people hardly compares to throwing rocks at a house. but it really is the same ballpark.

and the hate is like a virus left over like a biological agent. and it immediately spread. his hate exploded everywhere and people caught it and put it in their hearts. it's a living moving energy entity. hate. it moves around like weather.

i feel helpless. i feel helpless to explain what is inside of me right now. i want so much to return to my normal life. i want to "be here now" and see my surroundings and see how there is no war here. i want to paint place pink for happiness and protection.

for sanctuary. i don't want to let that hate in here. i don't want to let in that fear. but i think i have been infected with fear now. i have enough fear as it is.

i just don't feel well. i feel infected with fear. i don't know if it's my fear or someone else's. i don't know if what i'm feeling is because i soaked up too much of other people's energy. watching the news. watching the reports.

should i just turn off my tv and just not find out what is happening? would that be a good thing to do? but can i just go back to "my little world" and just not deal with this whole war thing at all? or would that be some sort of terrible copout? would i be running away?

but what can i do??? all of this is beyond my grasp. and i cannot stop thinking about it. not ever. i just see that plane fly into the WTC at that angle and explode and i see Atta's face and i feel his rage/hate/fear. i feel him wanting so much to die because the hate has killed him already and his soul is so damaged. it just astounds me.

i have been face to face with such a hate before. when that guy busted through my door and tried to rape me and kill me. i felt his hate that was so dense and so heavy that there is no describing it. i didn't know a hate could exist in one man like that without killing him. all i knew is that he wanted to obliterate me. and i knew that even if he succeeded it wouldn't be enough for him. i just wouldn't be enough.

i think that what has happened is in some ways very much like a rape. and this is a new feeling for a lot of men who are very angry about this. the feeling of "why me?" and "why does he hate us so?" the nonsense of it. how it makes no sense. and then the attacker is killed and others are hiding. and they are infiltrated all over the world now. no one knows who is a friend or who is any enemy. no where is safe anymore. no one knows who to trust. your next door neighbour could be the next terrorist secretly hating you every day because you are an american. and how do you fight it?

this is exactly what it is like to be a woman. for me, no where is safe. i know i could be attacked anytime by anyone anywhere. and it's all nonsensical and it makes me a bit loopy and twitchy. just as now all of america is getting loopy and twitchy.

and like a woman getting raped...the question is just why why why? why me? why so much hate? why do you want to obliterate me? how could i be such a threat to you? who is my friend? who is my next attacker? my next date? the man at the shop? my boss? my neighbour? my father? a total stranger?

and there's just nothing you can do about it but just be as alert as you can at all times and have survival tactics. you can't just spot a rapist. and you can't just spot these terrorists. they are everywhere and they will strike again.

rapists are terrorists absolutely. it's really the same thing almost. except with a rapist i feel it's worse because it is a personal attack and an invasion of the body to the highest degree as well.
that's the way i see it anyway. i mean, i would rather blow up in a plane than be raped i i had to choose between the two.

but of course if i had to choose between me being raped and 7,000 people dying, i would pick to be raped. but i can't even believe i'm typing that.

i'm just rambling here. i can;t get my thought processes in order. i feel shattered. i'm trying to get myself centered, balanced, grounded, aligned. but i can't get the focus. i can't get back to my life. i want to get back to it but i am completely preoccupied.

but i have to keep trying. there is nothing i can do about this war except to create peace right here right now where i am. that is all i have control over.

but i have let the sadness that is sweeping the earth like a thunderstorm into my house and into my body and mind. it's hard not to. it's a giant entity now.

i will work on creating a bubble for myself. and heal. and i will work on making little joylight bubbles that float off into the world that others can tap into if they need or want to.

for those of you who do not understand the energy that i'm talking about i know i must appear completely insane to you. sorry :)

i need to click into a groove and elevate myself to a higher level. to do that i reach out now to others who have done so and are doing so now. i am making a conscious effort to "rise" above this fear fog weather and this sadness weather so that i can see more clearly and therefore be of better service to myself and to others.

i need to write in my paper journal. and i need to give thanks to the universe for all that i have. i have infinite abundance and infinite inner strength and infinite resilience

i must get back to stretching. and i've got to clear my hallway. the energy is just so clogged. i am making a huge effort to get it flowing again.

i feel resistance in me to something and that is causing me a lot of stress. i let go of my resistance and whatever needs to be changed so that i may be functioning to my highest and fullest degree i welcome. i let go now of everything that is standing in my way to being my highest self. whatever needs to go i let go of now. i am not going to resist. bring it on, i'm ready to fly

there will be a cam show at 6pm CST today [25 Sep 2001|02:20pm]
i don't know what it will be yet, but it will be fun :)

voog icing show = sex magick :) healing the world one orgasm at a time! [26 Sep 2001|03:10pm]

i'm an arab :) [26 Sep 2001|03:52pm]
artvamp has a great idea here:
http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=11433643&nc=11

[26 Sep 2001|06:58pm]
i'm going up to jason's to watch the new star trek show premiere :) i'll be back later :)

[27 Sep 2001|08:28pm]
i ate an entire pint of haagen daas chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. yumm :) my tongue is numb

[27 Sep 2001|09:17pm]
today, friday, is all nude all day :)

[28 Sep 2001|02:37pm]
ok, putting icing up the vagina. not such a good idea! i don't have a yeast infection yet, but i feel like i might be getting one so i'm gonna go get some medication tonight.
so...don't stick sugar up a vagina! i should have known better but i wasn't really thinking about that at the time, i was just in the moment :)

[28 Sep 2001|02:39pm]
yesterday around 550 people joined my yahoo group! i am amazed!!!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/anacam

[28 Sep 2001|02:42pm]
it's gorgeous out. i should get outside. absolutely!