analog 072900

Monday, July 24th, 2000

3:06a who is charlotte king and what is with the cats and the ants?
www.anacam.com/simp/charlotteking.html

5:10a i'm looking at pictures of nova, the cat i had. i miss her so much. but she is in a good home. still, i miss her. she was such a big fat floppy purr machine.

i need 2 get back 2 making cool pix. i look through my archives and it kicks my ass. i have been in a creative slump the last few weeks. but that's life. i never know when i'll start making cool pix again. sometimes it seems like it willl never happpen. i hope that isn't so! but so far in life i always return to a new creativity. been up all night again. i didn't want 2 do that. but here i am

gonna go 2 bed now tho...tuck the pupsters in and hope when i awake i feel a new sens of creativity.

but more likely i will clean 1st. man, the livingroom is just a big mess of paper all over the floor

i hope hereandnow figures out a way 2 not have their server bogged down. that really sucked having everything come 2 a screeching halt when jennifer's stream went up.

ok, gonna hall this heavy cam into the bedroom....i am so so ready 2 sleep...zzzzzz

2:49p i'm reading rolling stone in te bedroom ( something i rarely read, rolling stone sucks for the most part)..but the article about that "porn king" is interesting.
the wild wild west movie is backdrop2 my reading and the dogs are sleeping and playing in the blankets.

i think after i get done reading i will go for a very long walk outside again. i wish my lomo cam worked so i could bring it with. i wish my camcorders were not busted in the "putting tapes in them" department. i can't even find my izone camera!i would take my mobile cam, but it's actually quite heavy and best used when i can set it down somewhrere...not good for walking. hmmmm. maybe i could go buy a camcorder today. just some really cheap one...

4:04p i am simultaneously reading rolling stone then getting antsy and cleaning. also making phone calls to my credit card leasing people who are really out of their minds and more unorganized than i am.

the air conditioner has aquired a new nails on chalkboard buzzing sound and no amount of hitting it can stop it.

i can't wait until i can get my silencer headphone things i bought from bose. i bought them last week online and wanted them fedexed. when several days wenty by and no headphones i called and found out that they had no record of me ever buying any. and also, on that very day, they ran out of them. so i WOULD have had them if their website would have worked to take my order. now i have to wait for a few weeks, but when they come in they will be fedexed to me at no charge.

i wonder how i could make a 5 foot by 5 foot sound proof box to stick in all my computers and hubs.

i still don't understand how i could run three more monitors off of one computers all on 60 ft. cords so i can see my computer screen in whatever room i'm in. and also have a wireless keyboard to control it.

if anyone can steer me to the exact url that i could buy something that would do this, please let me know! :)

i also want to buy a SUPER light laptop for my mobile cam, and be able to put my cdpd wirless modem into it and a video card and get a VERY tiny camcorder to plug that into the laptop ( sharper image? ) and also a battery pack that i could plug the laptop into so that it would run for at least 6 hours or 12 hours.

maybe none of this exists, but it's my wish.

i need a personal assistant of the tech kind. who also has a car and can take me around to fabric shops and know how to build a 5 foot by 5 foot soundproof box and just general know how about hardware and organizing and wires and how to install my cd burner and build a dog gate and help me go get some shelves that i need and stuff.

anyone out there in minneapolis up for the job? jyst putting the feelers out.

4:27p oh, referring 2 what i said below...also someone who can type, scan, and help me with basic website stuff like subscribing and unsubscribing people from my mailing list that can't figure it out and help me archive my campix and put up anapix and help with the sleepstation and all sorts of misc. admin stuff that is really easy but takes up so much of my time that i end up just doing admin stuff all day instead of being creative which is what i want 2 do.
also maybe know unix and stuff 'cause i don't know that.

i have NO idea what 2 pay anyone who would do this. so suggestions are welcome. i can't pay TOP salary, but i can make it worth someone's while, i hope.

i wish i could do it all myself, but as time goes on , i realize that..well, i CAN do it all myself...but i end up doing only that and have little time 2 really be creative.

my website isn't HUGE...i don't have a billion members, i have about 500..it stays about there. i have 5,000 people on my mailing list.

i have a TON of articles on me that i would like scanned and put up on the net amd also typed out. i have TONS of phoyos and articles from my band the blue up that i want 2 get up. i have tons of stuff from my child hood i want scanned and put up. it's a huge task..but not a monstrous one. i just need to get caught up.

yes, i am obessed with documenting :)

i just don't want to spend my prsent and future time documenting my past. but i do want my past on the net.

i would prefer it if this person 2 help me were female, but i will consider a male with a ton of references :) hehe :)

it has to be someone in the twin cities because it can't be done over the net.

altho..i guess i could get two people...one to do anapix and deal with the mailing list, etc..and who gets emailed all the scans and things typed by the other person and puts them up on the net

and then it could be a third person who drives me around occasionaly to places i can't get to ( i REFUSE to take the bus ) to get my fabric and my paint and canvases and camcorders fixed and shelves. i need two more like the ones i have...i got them at elements. maybe elments delivers?

but in my wildest dreams i would hope i could hire just one person, because i like to keep things simple and i also do not trust very many people.

i have no idea if any of this can some true. and once a lot of this gets done..all the scanning and typing...there will be less work..but who knows what the future will bring. so this isn't a job to hang your coat on for a long time...but then..as i say..who knows what the future may bring.
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4:37p the girl all covered in blue :)
artvamp has been growing by leaps and bounds as a cam photographer, go check out her latest :
www.artvamp.com/archive.html

7:44p i put jodi's resume up on my site. www.anacam.com/jodi.html

12:40p argh. my 56K stream on hereandnow keeps not working :( and the picture that goes along with it on the still cam also stops working. i tried 2 switch the image back to 2 other cam like it used to be, but that wouldn't work either..and that makes no sense. so i'm rebooting that computer now 2 see if that will help.

12:57p everything i do 2 try to ftp a different anacam picture up...doesn't work! it makes NO sense at all. i am SO frustrated.

1:15p i can't get anything to work. nothing is making sense. my cams keep breaking. i can't get another image ftped up into anacam, even tho the ftp tests are successful. it's ludicrous. i am going to rip my fake hair out of my real head. my computer keeps running out of memory. i am so so so so so pissed and frustrated. all i've done for DAYS is clean clean clean and still things are a mess and all i do is try to FIX shit on anacam or ana2 regarding hardware mostly. fucking wires everywhere tripping over everything stupid stupid mess fucking loud air conditioner. i am stomache is rumbling and it needs food but i am NOT hingry and there is no food here any way except chips GOD. why can't SOMETHING just FUNCTION. and i have all these AWFUL phone calls to make to my cc billing place and i DON'T understand what is going on enough to form a sentence as to WHY they are so fuct. i don't know what's going on. i feel like an idiot. i am so angry with myself for being so stupid and incompetent and i am so pissed at all my cams breaking all the fucking time and wires going everywhere and trying to point the cams that ARE working in the right direction and trying 2 keep on top of it all and pay attention. and i'm not doing anything interesting ANYWAY to even point the cam atmyself, so it's really just ridiculous 'cause all i'm doing is being pissed at myself and all my machines and dealing with business crap that i am not mentally prepared for or mentally able to or whatever...deal with it. owbfwhfwhfiwhfiwuhfiwif
fuck fuck fuck. i miss having ONE cam that refreshed every two minutes on a freakin dial up modem for christ sake. whatever. it shouldn't be this COMPLEX.

1:35p now i just spilled yesterday's iced tea all over myself ( wearing my white slip, too ) and my desk and compute and telephone. and deiter chewed up my birth certificate.

1:39p thank u everyone who offered me advice and help yeterday. i have saved it all and will figure it all out and go to all the urls and stufff once i have gathered my brain. another question...does anyone knwo where i could get a necklace that has an itty bitty container on it...like the catholic priests who have the thing they put the frankincense in...i need a very tiny thimblesized one of those that i could wear on a necklace because i want 2 put amber resin in it...and then the heat of my body would warm the resin so i would smell like amber..do u know what i mean? i friend of mine had a necklace like that...but i have never found one for myself. it would be a mini ornament that opens up...like a locket..but it would have holes in it..so the scent could get out

1:44p would someone ftp me a fucking bottle of wine right now? what brand? FUCKING wine. that's what brand.

2:04p trying out the new 1.3.4 LJ thang
:)

Current Mood: moody

2:05p hmmm
i'll tr again...it has that "current moods" thing, but my last post didn't show up my current mood

Current Mood: aggravated

2:10p well, i guess i can't even get the current mood thing option that the new LJ client has in it 2 werk 4 me 2day. i dunno...what ...is...the...deal...with...today...

Current Music: Audio Paragon's Pure Obscure - Rare, B-sides and Remixes - Live Requests - 70 Hours!

2:11p dgdfgdfgfg

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Audio Paragon's Pure Obscure - Rare, B-sides and Remixes - Live Requests - 70 Hours!

2:12p if someone could tell me how i can show my current mood and what music i'm listening 2 with the new LJ thing, please let me know...
i'm listening 2 audioparagon.com
my picture updated on anacamfinally ( 'cause hereandnow started working again )

Current Music: Audio Paragon's Pure Obscure - Rare, B-sides and Remixes - Live Requests - 70 Hours!

2:42p ah, ok...because of the design of my journal...that i made..but tufchoice kindly made it a reality for me :)...whenever a new feature gets added 2 the LJ, my design cannot see it, because my design doesn't have it "in" it ..or however u say it.
i wish i knew how to go in and change it myself..but...yet again...i do not know :/

i think i need 2 ftp myself a fucking clue as an appetizer with my fucking wine.

wow, and i finally got connected 2 theguy i need 2 talk 2 at my cc billing place...and he either hung up on me or we got disconnected. unreal.
so i call back and he's gone AGAIN.

i think that this day is trying 2 tell me something.
it's telling me 2 STOP trying 2 do ANYTHNG that has anything 2 do with my site...at least in the technical or business side of things.
wow.
it's quite bizarre that so much could go wrong all at once.

but then i have 2 get some perspective on this...because these problems are so minor as opposed to so many other things that could go wrong.

i have 2 get grounded and center myself and be thankful that i can even type here at all :)

things i am thankful for:

that my computer turns on and is basically functional
that i found a coke in the fridge
that today is not too hot
that i can afford my medication
that i can afford to buy a new computer if i want to, and probablly should
that i live in america and have basic freedom of speech
that i live in america and have so many options
that i am healthy
that i am not completely stupid and actually rather brilliant at times
that i can afford to put fake hair on my head and fake boobs in my body and have a great sense of humour about that
i am thankful for my sense of humour
i am thankful i can realize that i have a lot 2 be thankful for
i am thankful for jason and that he has a new job and a really cool car that he drives me around in when he has the time
i am thankful that i can afford to take cabs
i am thankful that i have more money right now in my life than ever before and can actually save some now
i am thankful that i have cool places i can walk that no one bugs me if i walk far enough
i am thankful i have so much cool music to listen to and so much cool art to lok at and that i know so many cool people and that i have streaming video and audio and i have lots of crayons and lots of nailpolish nad supe fluffy dogs who love me and so many people that love me and help me and stick by me even when i complain and when i'm anxious and make my life better and make me feel not so alone and that i can get out of ruts i get in
i am thankful i have enough batteries, and lightbulbs and security envelopes and thank god i at least have SOME shelves and thank u for connamon altoids and i am thankful that i know there is a spirit that connects everything so i am not an atheist or agnostic because that would depress me , but thank u for the people who are atheist or agnostic that are NOT depressing, and thank u for my dad who kicks ass nad thank u for my mom who kicks as and thank u for my brother who at least is not an asshole anymore, and please god keep him safe from the assholes now because he deserves better and thank u that i have a family that does not give up on anyone and thank u for mac lipstick and thank u for manic panic

and if anyone has the drivers to the old black and white connectix cam let me know

and thank u for bubblebaths and the smiths

2:53p oh and....
u know how when u bookmark livejournal and on IE it has a groovy little picture of a journal? and latitude11.com has a blue star for her symbol.
do u know how 2 do that? can u tell me how? i want a pink star!
)
3:23p well, hilarious! my entire DSL is not functioning now! but fuck it..i am typing from my laptop this is connected wit my spider cdpd wirrelss modem thingie! thee gods can try 2 keeo me off the net but they FAIL and i WIN..unless this post get intercepted by mercury or zeus. HA! fuck u internet gods! u can TRY 2 interfere but i will PERSEVERE!
morrisey is singing " i neeeed advice i need adviceeee!" and i spin round and round 2 it like a freaking hippy girl who has no clue how 2 dance so u just look at her all embarrassed like and get out of the way.
i am in the hallway typing this. i am on cam2 on ana2. i look at the ground and i see there is a fortune from a fortune cookie that was long eaten, it says, " meditation or medication?"

3:45p if anyone is wondering what musiq iz playing on my streaming now, it's my music..i am still on my wireless modem which is slower than 14.4 so it's hard 2 load pages right now..

3:46p i am in my chatroom now...irc.warped.net #analove

7:06p watching big brother and drooling over the mac powercube with the 22 inch vista point monitor

1:57p happy birthday courtney!!!
a good time 2 start anew!
www.latitude11.com

Current Mood: anxious

3:08p it's another tach hell day. drats. i can't get my aloecam to save anything. it just won't work..at all.

in cool news, received my bose antinoise phones. ad they are a beautiful thing! will tell u more abou that later.

maw sent me a lei :)
i put it in the fridge so i can wear ir later when i get gussied up
and now i am going 2 write 2 him an email

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: depeche mode: violator

Thursday, July 27th, 2000

12:47p ok, i'm up!
i am soaking my lei in water for 10 minutes like it sez i should. then it needs 2 dry a bit. then i will find something nice 2 wear with it. hmm, how about the white slip i've been wearing for DAYS? works for me :)

i finally got this postcard i bought on ebay sent 2 me from australia. it's a pictire of miss camille clifford and her japanese chin from 1906. i am trying 2 collect old black and white postacrds and photos of japanese chins. so far i have 3.
i think camille clifford was famous. i will look her up on the net and see what i can find.

i went 2 a store yesterday and bought a sharp vl-e77u camcorder, but when i got hom i realized it cam ewith no manual, and also i didn't get a receipt...something i'm a real stickler for. so now i gotta troop back there and get that. i tried 2 charge the battery last night..but the "charge" button won't go on :(

the guy at the store got my lomo camera filled with film. he said it wasn't broken. i wish i could have seen how he did that a bit better. then i bought some extra film for it.

and i bought 3 really cheap disposable cameras 2 give 2 homeless people, but i still don't have it worked out how they could get the cameras BACK 2 me. any suggestions?

i guess i'll get ready now 2 go 2 that camera store and get that manual and a receipt. and get the lei out of the water :)

Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: coleman hawkins

i have a lomo cam..that is like a regular cam but i guess it has an interesting lends that makes things overlysaturated and also good a night..it does cool "accidental" effects
i jusy got it loaded with ordinary 20035mm film yesterdya, i haven't taken any photos yet

then i have the action cam too ( jacqui gave me both of these thing, she comes up with the most amzing thoughful gifts! )
and i have started taking some pix with that..but i guess u need BRIGHT bright light for it to work. like it has to be a very sunny day.
and i haven't had those developed yet :)
that laos takes 35mm film, but i got it some 1000 film...whatever that is. i think that is the film that can see best in th elowest light.

i have NO clue about regular cameras.

did u see their website? lomo.com

i bought some fuji flash 400 disposable cameras for my homeless project..actually now i am just thinking of giving them to people who look interesting, too :)

i have to return that camcorder i bought yesterday, it wasn't what i really need

7:15p woa. i've been through hell and back. wow. wow. wow. more later. must digest, assimilate, discard, save...craziness...it's unfathomable...must rest. and i will try 2 tell u the story later. it's a long one

11:54p ok, finally going 2 sleep now. been up for 38 hours and hadn't eaten in longer than that. but now i have some food in my stomache ( a 1/2 a can of chef boyardee ravioli and some ice cream ) and i fell almost human again. took a yummy bath and watched "love and death", a woody allen film, with jason and the pupsters by our side. everything is so precius to me, even the dirty dishes! i am so GLAD i have dishes and a sink! i am so glad i have an apartment,i don't care if it's dirty. right now those thing seem to trivial. and i can go 2 sleep smelling smelling honeysuckle oil being warmed and diffused with a candle instead of the smell of chemical bathroom cleaning stuff and old snoring women. and i can leave my bed if i want 2 and come and type here :) and then i can go back again and snuglle in MY blankets. and it's not FREEZING cold on a sagging metal cot.
i can do whatever i want and i can take my medication when i want to, too!
life is good!
no more hyperventilating in a small cold cement room with a rubber mat, so cold and crying. i must have lost 7 pounds in water just crying. fucking sadistic nurses yelling at me telling me to shut up and pull my self together and men coming after me with rubber gloves having their little power trip over little totally submissive crying me.
but that's over now.
totally over.
i just wish i could sue them, but it's their word against mine

but...actually right now i am just so fucking glad 2 be home that i am very elated...and everything seems brand new and magical 2 me. teh simple pleasures of life are more precious. i learned A LOT about the underbelly of the homeless.
it's not as abstract now..which is quite ironic since i wanted 2 give out cameras 2 the homeless. actually met quite a few who were very interested. made some new friends...a homeless american indian vietnam vet who was very kind and a radical big black woman who wanted 2 be so tough but i ended up hugging her and giving her lots of kleenexes.
i hung out with a slew of really "tough" guys that i would be afraid to meet on the street and we all hung out in the end , hilariously watching oprah together....if u can believe that!

wish i had a picture of it...

so much 2 say...i will say it in pieces like this...

then can either accept my offer 2 photograph what they would LIKE 2 photogragh, or decline

many homeless get 2 see some very fascinating things. i think it's u who are thinking the homeless are pathetic.

i do not. they are as varied as any other "subculture"
some will make sad pictures, some will make happy.
who knows?

and just hypothetically saying that some think they are pathetic,...what makes u think they would photograph pathetically? maybe they would take pictures of beautiful buildings, graffitti...animals , scenery..
or perhaps they would use it to expose injustices that would otherwise go unnoticed.
the possibilities are as endless as their are photographers

i mean getting paid 100 bucks for taking 36 pictures is a damn good deal. heck, *i*, would do it! not all will want to, obviously...all are individuals.

but from the few i have already discussed this with, they were very happy with my idea and their eyes lit up and they thought they would have a lot of fun doing that AND get paid 100 bucks

2:03p gonna go get food with jason. i really am fine, so please everyone do not worry about me. :) i learned a lot and i am actually very happy and have a new appreciation for things :)
then i'm going out 2 watch a bunch of old new wave bands..which i hope will not be overstimulating, and i'll tell u all about that too, when i get home :)

i want soe baked potatoes with butter ...so that's what i'm gonna go eat now.
mucho love 4 alla ya ;)

12:44a missing persons cancelled, but flock of seagulls KICKED ASS!!!!
wow.
it was...rrrrreeeeaaaly cool ;)

sleepytime now :)

12:48a y'know how u can have it so u are always logged in and u don't have 2 keep putting in your username and password to reply 2 something? well, now i am not permanemtly logged in and i keep having 2 put in my username and pass 2 reply 2 stuff. anyone know how i can be permanently logged in again?

12:51a ah, i guess i'll work on an anagram....deiter is going crazy with a chew toy