analog 070800

Friday, July 7th, 2000

1:58p looking for an out of print book
"Back Off: How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Harassers" Martha J. Langelan, Catharine A. MacKinnon (Preface) i can't find it anywhere for sale anywhere on the web :( it's out of print

2:09p nevermind, i found the book at hamiltonbooks.com :)

Saturday, July 8th, 2000

3:14p i am cleaning today

3:33p damn it's hot. i have the air conditioner going and it hardly making a dent in this 90 degree 70% humidity weather. i'm trying 2 clean. doing it very slowly. trying 2 get my kit kat clock going again. i duted it off. it needs new batteries. i am finding all thes alternate album covers for anavoog.com and lots of cool pictures. i need to get them framed

6:06p i hooked up my two computers that are in the thing room. i need 2 go buy a very long phone cord thing so i can connect through a dial up, and that'll be nice 2 be able 2 be on the net in there, and i could add another cam, too :) i found some cam pictures from long ago that i was missing so i can add those to the archive. jason and i are going 2 leave soon 2 go buy a dehumidifier so it's more liveable in here then we are going 2 his dads 2 pick up a printer and eat some food. i am just a big sweaty dusty mess. and i have bruises and mosquito bites all over my legs. but dammit, i'm going out looking like this 'cause what can i wear in this heat?

11:03p so hot here still, but i had a bit of a break from it in the air conditoned car and going shopping at office max and going to jason's parent's for dinner. i bought a cordless telephone and some speakers for my computer since mine are busted, and more telephone cords and some boxes to put my flopy disks on. i forgot i need to more mouse pads 'cause i got 2 of my old computers working again today in the thing room. we didn't get a dehumidifier yet. jason's parent's gave us a laser printer and i bought an extra black cartridge for it and a ton of paper so i can print out all my email and invoices things. and i bought some tacky things like some temporary pink hair spray anmd i got some more bleach and manic panic yellow and pillar box red.

i founf out today that big brother is on every night and augh i missed abunch of "episodes" now. what did i miss/ what's going on? is it on the weekends , too? somebody fill me in!

i tried to get the sims game today, too...but they were out of it.

jason got a new keyboard and a mouse and a paper shredder that shreds it not only horizontally but vertically and now i''m like, " hmm, what could i do with all that nice shredded paper?" could i do paper mache with it? or could i somehow make it into a bunch of gush so i could make some handmade paper? any ideas?
maybe deep down inside i'm really just a gerbil who wants to play with shredded paper and seeds to eat :)

Sunday, July 9th, 2000

2:54a now it's thundering and lightning and there is a cool breeze. i installed the newsest versions of IE and netscape, plugged in my new speakers and new phone, now i am looking through all my campix and picking out the best ones for a new anagram

3:09a i can't fucking believe it. i just lost all my bookmarks. :( my god, what a horrible loss :((((

3:41a: well, i have no idea why, but my bookmarks appeared again, yippee!!!!!

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other posts:

Posted by ANA on July 08, 2000 at 19:19:12:

In Reply to: inspiration posted by telic on July 08, 2000 at 17:55:40:

yes, it is all that :) i just saw her sentence as being a statement of positive determination, not a pledge or a promise.
but who i am 2 say?

i'm just coming from my own standpoint that if i just got out of a hospital and was trying 2 piece my life together...if someone thought i was making a pledge or a promise..it would make me feel nervous and confined in that now i had 2 be perfect or something and never slip up because i had been perceived as giving a solemn oath.

and i ,personally, would just need things to not be that intense and just take one day at a time...and if i "slipped up" again in the eyes of others or myself...i would lovingly give myself some slack and hope others would do the same. 'cause life is a sticky webby mess and we can't be perfect or know what the future will bring.

i am just saying this from my personal standpoint of what would make me feel better.

i'd rather my friends said , " i will love u know matter what" than,
" and here is your pledge to us documented for all to see and if u slip up we will feel we were let down"

maybe i am reading too much into your statement...but that is how i felt when i read it.
i just didn't see what she said any any promise or pledge . i just saw it as , " hey, send some positive energy my way 'cause this is what i'd like to do with my life now"

Posted by ANA on July 09, 2000 at 00:23:10:

In Reply to: the sun on her face... posted by telic on July 08, 2000 at 21:13:56:
what i mean , telic, is that it might be impossible to promise something like that because she is bipolar for life. it's not something u can reason with. sometimes it takes control of u and u do things that make no sense because that is what that disease does. it would be like making a schizophrenic promise to never hear voices again.

what part of it was is that she ran out of her medication on top of everything bad that happened...and her chemical imbalance topped with her stress just flipped her out.
when u have a disease such as that, i just don't know if u could promise to never do anythng irrational again.

i don't knwo stacy inside and out and i am not bipolar so i am by no means an authourity on any of this.

i am simply coming from a place that i have chronic anxiety and have had it all my life...and i could never promise anyone , no matter how muchh medication i had, that i would never be nervous again.

u, i think, are coming from the standpoint that she was somehow in control of her actions, because that is what u know....as far as i know u do not have a chemical imbalance that causes u to act in irrational ways , until u have something like that..it's just very hard for a person who doesn't live like that to understand it.
but she was not in control of her actions. i don't think that a promise could stop anything from where she was at at that very moment in her life...my guess only

coming from my standpoint only...if someone told me to promise to never have another anxiety attack would only make me feel like HAVING an anxiety attack over that. i just can't promis anyone anything like that. i need people around me who accept that i am nervous and don't try to "fix it" or tell me to "not be nervous" i just need people who let me be nervous.

all of what u say is good. and i am glad that u feel so much love and i am glad u care. and yes u should drive with the top down and listen to music and that is so wonderful and it really makes me smile. and it's cool u are such a passionate person.

i'm just telling u that, from my standpoint, asking her to promise something is just not the "rational" thing to do. epileptics are going to have seizures, i am going to have anxiety attacks, schizophrenics are going to hear voices...and yes medication helps a lot but nothing is ever 100% safe, if u get what i mean.
life happens, our bodies are strange creatures filled wiuth so many chemicals zinging all over...nothing can ever be 100% sure when u have a disease. u just learn to live with it and do the best u can :)