http://www.cityaz.com/articles/0500f.html
http://www.killuglytv.com/index2.html
Tuesday, May 30th, 2000
7:12a how
did it get 2 be that time again!
fiddling around all night
don't mind the animated gif wallpaper in the remotes, i'm just amusing myself
:)
trying 2 learn and...mostly i get it all wrong, but it's fun anyway :)
it's thundering
out softly grey foggish
people going back 2 werk on memorial day
not me tho..nope i'm going 2 bed now with my tummy full of cherry garcia icecream
and my kitty sweatshirt on :)
new anagram up
i'm a sleepy head
nite nite
zzz
:)
5:14p oh, weird i didn't know u could put a subject here when posting from
the livejournal webpage
well, i was going 2 go 2 bed at 7am, but then started wondering if i should
just stay up. and then at 9am jason called me from his work saying his office
was closing effective immediately! so while everyone was grabbing office supplies..he
grabbed the coca cola :) that's my kinda man :)
and he's already
has 3 companies wanting 2 take him out 2 lunch and offer him a position. jason
is a senior developer/computer programmer/ ( great graphic designer :) and
amazing musician! how does he do it?
by getting no sleep :)
i think part of his insomnia is rubbing off on me! actually last night, i could've gone 2 bed a lot more early, but i was just so happy blearily making horrible animated gif wallpaper from all those icons i got from all the japanese sites i went 2 recently. there are so many styles of websites i adore..just like in music..i am torn in what 2 do! how do i combine my dark dark humour and loving of being john malkovich with cute cute bunny wabbits??
i maybe already
do that. i am hello kitty with a gun
5:56p i didn't know there were so many japanese chin ( the breed of my two
dogs ) relted things on ebay! i put in a search and came up witrh so many
things! great old postcards from the turn of the century with women with little
japanese chins in their laps! and old figurines!!! my god, i could start a
very cool collection :)
(
6:43p i won this auction of this old postcard from the 30's witha photo of
two VERY cute japanese chins on it :) http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=340216219
6:58p u know what this livejournal thing needs more than anything else...is
a link back from the commenst back to www.livejournal.com/users/ana i have
2 keep using my bookmark 2 go back to the "index" meredith tried
to explain 2 me how to customize the livejournal. and i went there again last
night to try to understand it, but i do not get it at all. but i think that
is because i don't know html (it's not TOTALLY foreign to me now..but i couldn't
do it 2 save my life, i use dreamweaver )
7:20p ok, i've gone in again to alter my livejournal. last night there was
no html that showed up in those empty places where u can edit it ( i speek
good englesh, yes, i can rite sentence! ) anyway..i hope i can do thsi and
not fuk it up!
9:27p my god. i just CANNOT come up with a colour scheme i like for this thing!
i know pink and black are my faves...with some greys in there? but..it looks
like shit. i can't get a colour scheme i like that is also readable. blarg.
blargfest. blarg-o-rama. etc. i swear i have spent more time trying 2 figure
this out that..than...uhh....
9:34p planet concrete has a cool colour scheme going...i love things dark
like that...yet i love them light and airy, too. i am having...a battle between
my dark and light sides. usually they live in peace ( it took me years) but
today...white is too bright...black is too dark, and gey is NOT the happy
medium. oh colour scheme faerie! please help me!
10:10p oh, there..look, i have actually changed SOMETHING. i thought i was
going mad because everything i wanted 2 do would not show up...but there...there
is something my sanity can hold onto...*sigh* i have made a bath. it's too
hot 2 go in yet. i really need to mellow out , i know that is painfully obvios.
please no one give me an advice about how 2 mellow out right now or i will
rip your head off. ya, it's like that.
10:14p can anyone tell me where to insert a nice arial verdana helvetica thing
font thing SOMEWHERE into the bizaree interface so i don't have to look at
that henious (sp) font that's on here now. thanks for bearing with me
10:47p Error
You already have a style of this type named ana-lastn-new. If you really want
to create a new style of type lastn, then go modify your old lastn style,
change its name, and then come back here to create a new style of this type.
i can't figure
out how 2 go change it's name 2 something else. thsi is one of the reasons
for my frustration. is that 90% of the time i want 2 modify something, i come
across this thing that won't let me go any farther. then i try to go undo
what i did. or change it's name or whatever i can't figure out how or where.
i don't think i can last much llonger on this today! captain..we are running
out of steam.
11:29p whoops! lol :) i dunno if any of u saw that :) i completely destoyed
my page. all it said was:
Ana Voog's
random but highly intelligent thought processes that, in the end, make perfect
sense
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
but it did have the right font! and i did change it's name! godda luv that!
so...ummm.....ya.....i took my mediacation *makes a crazy face...and made
a bath and jason went 2 bed, poor guy...loses his job today and comes hoem
2 me foaming at the mouth about the arial font, not being able 2 verbalize
anything...just short spastic outbursts of "fuck fuk fukkk" and...poor
guy
i feel AWFUL. but i swear it must be chemical because it is definitely out
of my control and i am being rather VERY disturbingly obsessive about this
damn journal. but i DO want 2 work on this. don't get me wrong. i think it's
just that i seem to have so little control over much of my life lately...that
i am honing in on thso one thing to completely understand and control. like
cleaning the house and starting in one particular corner then getting down
onn your hands and knees trying 2 get that henna stain off of the white tiled
floor of the bathroom. u just want ONE room to be COMPLETELY clean in every
way. to master one room before u go 2 the next one.
i'm so stressed out on my own anyway...because of things that have recently
happened 2 me. i wante 2 be the girlfriend who could offer poor jason solace
and a serene environment. but i was the opposite..which made me more upset
at myself as i apologized profusely for being such a freak and he would say,
" it's ok" and i would say, "no it's not"
it's me who needs to be unstressed as well. he can't take on any of my stress
and i can't take on any of his.
it's a sad predicament. so....let the angels take over now ...i can't do it
all by myself
let me slip effortlessly into a state of grace which is where i belong
i've got 2 know when 2 stop.,..i knew i should stop with this journal thing..but
goddamit..i just wanted ONE area of my life CLEAN and UNDERSTANDABLE
do u know what i mean? when i get in that bath i wanna go AH that page is
really FINE now. i want 2 go 2 bed with that satisfaction that i whipped that
html beast into a savvy breath of fresh air
ah, well...i tried..i was so close. this is really hilarious that i am even
talking like this about a fucking html document. or file or whatever it is
it's called. LOL :) you'd think i were talking about the holy grail. but it
IS such a nice IMMEDIATE thing of communication. it's like if your phone were
broken. i can't have SOUND when jason is home, and i really don't even know
how much i want sound IN THAT WAY. or even streaming. i like the mystery of
the 30 second wait. i like to be slowed down to that. i like to be able to
be slowed down to type! if u think i'm spastic in text form, just imagine
what i'm like in real time! it's not a pretty site! but it IS entertaining
IF u can decipher my ana-speek.
so this live journal is my sound..my connection to say things faster than
an analog. and my saviour from CAPTIONS that i hate unless they are PART of
the picture not just ON it.
so if i can turn this wild beast of a thing into a thing where u can switch
between this and the remote cam, then ...that's where i wanna be. i nice happy
medium of the immediate..but the nice pause of a wait
--------------
Wednesday, May 31st, 2000
12:03a testin
testing testing...
12:16a ok, now i just can't find where i can make the arial font size 2 in
the text i'm writing now, and i can't figure out how to make this big grey
table in the center of this page instead of on the left...slowly it forms....
12:36a well, now i've gotten the text smaller but the date thing is super
huge. how bizarre. i had it too small before..now it's too large! eek...
1:17a this is so bizarre. i was able to work on changing both the default
and the simple...on the simple one i could make the text i write here small,
but couldn't get the dates small. not that i'm on the default, i can get the
dates small but not this text! and now when i slect that i want 2 work on
the simple one, it simply will not let me do that anymore. i select simple...then
look at my changes, but it's still the default. ???
i'm trying to squish this thing down to be 320 pixels wide. but..i can't seem
to make that happen, maybe i should just give up now.
thank u everyone for helping me so much! i am sorry i am being such a spaz
today!
1:20a and thank u jenny for helping get rid of that horrid font that was on
here and get switched to arial. and now i like my colours :)
i just want all the fonts to be arial 2, not bold
except i'd like the title bigger
then i need this puppy to smoosh to 320 wide! :)
3:23p strange...i did a "view source" on scott bateman's journal
and i cut and paste it into the place u can put the html for editing your
journal..and it ended up like this. how very odd indeed!
3:29p ok, if my livejournal stays like this, i can smoosh it to be as narrow
as my remote cam. now i just need to figure out how 2 get in there and put
my links to anacam in , and also 2 change this font 2 arial. LOL :) back and
forth back and forth :) i gotta get ready 2 go 2 the bank now..
7:15p here's an article that came out about me at www.cityaz.com...here is
the direct url to the article:
http://www.cityaz.com/articles/0500f.html
9:32p super holartious..but i found out how 2 change my font in the "support"
section of livejournal! ha :) thing is, for some mysterious reason i cannot
get it to work with the simple version of it, only the default. vewy intwesting
9:49p i have added "bradfitz" into my friends section 'cause he
is the guy who invented this thing! now if i read what he writes, perhaps
he will give me clues as 2 how 2 wrangle this livejournal beast :)
10:54p brad fitz's journals go back to november of 97, is that how long there
has been this livejournal thing? i am drinking this drink called "sublime"
it is hard rasberry lemonade and it's nummy :) jason went 2 bed 'cause he
woke up at 4am. 4am is when i went 2 sleep! we are on totally opposite schedules
and i am driving him nutz with my hyperness. i try not 2...
10:58p ok, i have(Comment on this) now studied super super much on how , when
u click on a link and it opens up a browser ( duh ) HOW do u specify what
size u wish that browser to be when it opens? like when u click on my cam
picture and it opens up a remote...how do u specify the size? i have been
working on this one question for over 2 hours now
11:04p
11:05p
11:06p
11:06p oh jeez.
11:06p
11:07p yay :)
11:11p dagnabit.
11:26p well, i think i ALMOST have it. just the title is wayyyy too big and
all my text turned pink :)
11:55p rrr. aaa. umm. eee. ooo. blarg.
------------------------
Thursday, June 1st, 2000
1:29a ok, i give uo for today. i have learned a few things..i think...i hope
so...jason is asleep and warm..soon i will curl up 2 him and sleep...but i
have a feeling i will still be up for a LITTLE while yet.......
10:51p ok, i am taking in all the info everyone is giving me and writing it
down :) thank u so much everyone :)
i have made a page that is how i WISH my livejournal looked.
the reason i have it so skinny is because i want 2 put it into a browser that is as wide and as long as my remote cam, then i will put a link to it on my remote and u can switch between the two easily..see what i'm up to and also se what i'm saying.
when i put this html from the random.html into a window that is the same size as my remotes...it doesn't have a scroll bar so u can see what i've said all the way 2 the bottom.
and if anyone can get my photo of my head light pink instead of light yellow, lemme know :)
i will repay anyone ( who gets it done the way i want it..or as close 2 it as possible , given there are restrictions of what u can do with the livejournal ) who can do all of this for me with free ana2. the details of how many months we can coordinate later. or perhaps in return i can give that person a one of a kind drawing that i have made, if that would be preferable :) or something like that :)
and also, for the links, it'd be cool if they didn't have that line under them....the perfect example of what i want for the links is at punquin's live journal
www.livejournal.com/users/punquin
:)
i think her design is the coolest of all i've seen. i want her to ftp her
brain into mine! aaa! i love u stephanie! :)
...as u can
see i tried copying her code for that 2 see how it worked..but i didn't do
it right, but i have the little dots separating the links in the top and the
bottom..the dots are from her site...
11:52p i am going through everyone's journals all over the country..and then
off to all the other countries. it will take me a long time. i found one already
that looks very cool "dancingdodos" i'm searching through washington
stae rught now. i picked that one because that's the state that has the most
live journals most likele because that is where bard loves who made the livejournal.
i am only clicking on the people who pictures are interesting to me. i posted
in bradfitz'a live journal, beseeching me 2 help me :)
-------------
Friday, June 2nd, 2000
12:31a i found a dollar bill today that had a url un it, i went 2 the url
and it is a CRAZYCOOL place! i put in the instructions that were written on
my dollar bill. it's being tracked whereever it goes...go see this www.anacam.com/george
( that url is about my story ) and go to www.wheresgeorge.com
2 see the money track site! i can't keep track of my $ tho, 'cause i think
i made a mistake of putting in the wrong zip code or the wrong denomination
of money. i was so hyper at the time i just filled in things wrong. but here
is the right info, if anyone cam track it: denomination: $1, serial # G01569163E
year: 1995 , i wish i could write to them to tell them i did it wring and
to erase what i put in there today so i could redo it correctly
12:36a now i'm going through the livejournals of california, just added "incognegro"
i'm drinking out of my hello kitty cup that is just like the last two i had
made of ceramic that broke. so i saw they made one in PLASTIC and got it on
ebay :)
12:49a it's too bad this nun has only made one post into her livejournal and
she got such a response! i waan add her to my friends list but i feel she
will most likley not post again..i dunno why i think that but i do..anyway...if
u wanna check out the discourse it's here:
http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=61451
12:53a well, i have NO idea what this is about but i added s/he to my list
"imajerk"
12:57a i love seeing the pix people pick 2 put on their livejournals and i
love 2 see how they design their sites. what i look for in a journal to add
2 my friends list is basically: it has 2 be "psychological" with
strange new slants at looking at life. not so much what people are DOING,
but what peope are thinking/feeling/being. and with a sense of humour. no
" of god my life sucks i am so bored" i don't think i'm explaining
it with enough detail that it deserves. but that's all i can type right now
this very second about that subject
1:27a wow, kevin seconds from the 7 seconds has a livejournal :) he used 2
hang out in my chatroom a lot years ago :) i think he was friends with "the
monk" but i'm not sure. i wonder where "the monk" went? the
monk is a guy who was in a noise band called "hate" i think...he
was a very funny dark humorish guy but i had 2 ban him because things went
a bit too far with his "mood" i do wish him well tho, and hope he
is doing better
1:28a ah, i just found out where u can get those "i am happy" mood
changing things " www.imood.com i would love to have that but make moods
that don't even exist...so..where do u add that to the livejournal? so much
to KNOW, so much to CUSTOMIZE
1:31a oh how hilarious! just as i rechecked www.imood.com...it has a thing
that says who currently got an "imood" and it is cyka from cykakam.com
!!! she is russia's 1st ever camgirl :) i should go in my chatchannel and
see if she is thre, but i already have SO many browsers open , i think my
computer will crash. he cyka if u happen 2 see this! XOX!!! it's such a small
world full of synchronicity :)
1:46a ok, now i'm cruising through the livejournals in oregon :) there certainly
are a lot of geeky goth chicks/guys being very very bored in their live journal!
2:12a just went through hawaii, alaska and puerto rico...and everyone was
very bored there, too ! ack, 2am..and i'm NOT bored! i am the opposite of
bored! i have hello kitty cups and bubblegum that the containter it came in
glows in the dark and i am also discovering new journals of intrigue. i skim
them as fats as i can. once again, i need to clone myself off. and even if
i DID make it through ALL the live journals there is , i'm sure, many new
ones going up each day! aaa! how 2 keep up? mmm. cinnamon altoids :)
2:23a skimmed through idaho, montana and utah and wyoming. the girl in wyoming
is ESPECIALLY bored, which is too bad because wyoming is one state i'd love
to live . parts of it are so gorgeous it's insane! also, tons of "techno
dj" types in live journal..and also many computer techies looking for
new jobs. and lots of girls who love tori and ani
2:24a oh weird! i clicked in colorado and the first person listed was "tufcjoice"
and bingo! there was the guy helping me out with the dsign of my live journal!
freaky! hi tuf choice didja go 2 bed? :)
2:56a went thought north dakto ( only one journal ) they are bored there too.
i thik south dakota is extremely beautiful and for a long time, even now,
when i am cremated ( if i get that) i want my ashes spread over the plains
of south dakota . it is such a sacred place 2 me. funeral pyre. so beautiful.
i cry whenever i go 2 south dakota. i go back in time when u could put your
ear 2 the ground and hear the herd of buffalo moving fast from miles and miles
away
3:09a ok, i'm getting ready 4 bed now. it's after 3am. i have been gong 2
bed at 4am lately. if i could only get in there 45 minutes earlier and each
night TRY ro go 2 bed a bit earlier. but i am such a NIGHT person. i wouldn't
mind it except that i nerver get 2 see jason :) he is my creature and right
now he is sleeping with the lavendar all cotton blanket i got for him :) i
need 2 go nuzzle next 2n him. sorrty i have been so "boring" on
cam lately, but believe me, it's only 'cause i'm working on the inards of
my site so much :) u will be pleased with the results in the end :) good things
come 2 those who wait ( usuallly)
4:12a funny things people have upt into search engines and found me: do you
want my love?, i want you , pictures of positions when doing sex , what is
s , what i want to be when i grow up, whene can im see you again
6:38p i'm getting ready 2 go out and see jason play..i am running very far
behind so that's all i can type 4 now....i'll tell u more when i get back
:)
-------------
Saturday, June 3rd, 2000
2:46a still not in a typing mode. the show was excellent! i finally had enough
$ 2 buy all his records :) who am i talking about? milo fine. it's free jazz.
jason was playing with him tonight ( and steve gnitka :)here is the url where
u can find out more about milo and the free jazz ensemble :
www.fetik3.com/milofine
milo did this drum solo tonight whuch brought me almost 2 tears..it was so much how i feel right now. i can't explain it, u just had 2 witness it. it's the best "drum solo" i have ever heard in my life. when milo plays drums it is like epileptic tai chi. i told him that and said that was a very good description :) i had a really good talk with him , too, and his partner , susan. susan was telling me the most bizarre things. she is really into felt. and i did not knw there were so many kinds of goat and sheep! hard 2 explain . very detailed. i also learned a lot about taxi drivers. and milo said he'd make me compilations tapes :) very cool! and i will make him one , too :)
then we stopped at perkins after dropping steve gnitka off and i ate too much and got sick. so that is why i'm still up.
hi tufchoice,
if you're still up :)
2:52a oh,and i signed up for david bowie's site again, but haven't had time
2 look around in there in great detail. but he redid his site in flash and
it is SO beautiful it makes me hurt! oh, and i want some money from holland
'cause i've heard they have the most beautiful money :) and i've decided i
need a chalk board, so i can write messages and draw on it for u :) i think
it'd be cool if it was right behind me. iit has 2 be medium big at leset 5
feet across. each day i could have new words and pictures behind me and i
could tell stories that way. and having a chalkboard behind me would be far
prettier than having captions, i think
3:02a funny things people have put into search engine and found me: "i'm
the one that i want, mat house
3:03a oops, i sent that by mistake...: other things people have put in a serach
engine and found me:"what do you want to be doing when the end come?"
4:13a what is the word for "fear of people" ? not hating people
"misanthrope" now fear of the outdoors "agoraphobia, but fear
of people. anyone know? jason is asleep to the carton channel. i'm gonna go
in there in a sec, i just ate too much or something at perkins and got kind
of sick, so i've been and also having great anxiety..but i'm starting 2 clm
down a bit. i have been having so much anxiety lately. i made an appomitment
for a massage, tho..'cause my best friend and bassist from my band "the
blue up?" finally has a place 2 do massage! she went to the "harvard
of massage schools" in boulder calorado , which sort of broke up the
band for a few years ( in in those years i made the introducing sorrow record....where
i play the bass parts, but it's renee on drums, so i still call it 'introducing
sorrow...when actuall that was my first "solo album. cake and eat it
is the most group effort of records, and then on spool forka dish i play 1/2
of the bass parts, and renne does a little bit of drumming but the rest of
the drumming is bobby z ad i....(www.anacam.com/anamusiq) anyway...carolyn,
my dearest friend, who is the most KICK ASS masseuse has opened up shop finally!
i am not saying
this because she is my friend, i am saying it because she is GIFTED and her
calling :)
if u live in the twin cities area, he # 2 make an appointment is:
651 251 0583
her office is on st. clair st.
which is also where "willie's guitar" is, which is THEE most cool
guitar place EVER. vintage stuff
someday i will post the serial # of my 12 string 1965( i think that was the
year ) guitar which got ripped off by some assholes who had keys to my practice
space at the time. they left a chair in the place of my guitar as some sort
of joke. the guitar costed 1,000 bucks and i made less than 500 amoth at that
time. i am still so angry and bewilderd about it. it is a gorgous guitar.
it's a beautiful rich stain over aome very beautiul wood,,,
anyway...
carolyn's sister , who is a massage therapist has a live journal under the name of "beep" they are my guardian agnels i swear. i don't have any blood sisters, but my sisters in spirit are carolyn, renee, tori amos and beep :)
carolyn's
sister "beep"
sent me an pamphlet about this ayurvedic spa in florida
called "rasayana cove"
ayurvedic is an anceint indian ( india indian ) way of health and balence.
hard 2 explain but it makes perfect sense
very detailed...i
could go on and on...
do a web search on it. anyway, most of deepak choprs'a books arte baed in
tha and i love deepack chopra
so it's 2,500
bucks for the 14 day programme and i need that badly as i am so unbalanced
and anxiety ridden these days as
as my space has been so invaded and assauted . my only way out of it is 2
drink
fo those of u who don't understand, don't give a sermon.
i live in a war zone and it's NOT because of my cam,i had this WAY before
my cam and WAY before i even had a band.
people are drawn to me ...i dunno why...but..it's very intens and invading.
i feel assaulted. and i do nOT feel assaulted because of my cam, my cam actually
HELPS me to interact withnpeople in an non-assaulting way. it has been very
benifical to me :)
anyway..the
aryvedic retreat is at 4224 solomon road
ona, FL. 33856
tel # 863 494 7565
i got a catologue from www.cocoon1.com
woa. seriously some hard core stuff for latex nad rubber lovers!
very very cool!!!
ok i'm gonna try 2 go 2 sleep again :)
i was looking at the picture site on ana2 members and i was reminded how precious u all are 2 me :)
thank u thank
u beautiful people :>)
i love u very much :)
5:39p i am still working on making the livejournal remote. i am going to call
my livejournal "analog1" then the archives of it wil be "analog2
10:22p well, it's almost done! thanks 2 tufchoice for taking my design and
then making it a reality here :) yay!!! it's still a javascript hell to make
it so that u can go back and forth between all the remote cams on ana2...so
i might just have 2 have a little button on each page that will open up a
little mini browser of this...and then u close it when you're done. i can't
even begin 2 explain why that is so. it makes my brain hurt! but believe me...if
it's making jason's head spin...then i cannot even GO there :)
but i am so tired about thinking about this that i have 2 stop 4 awhile and
just go vefdge because i have obsessed over this for weeks! and when i say
obsessed..i mean i was more hyper than my dogs when i say the word "treats!"
so...aaaaaa ! must. stop. now.
sorry my cam has been so boring but that's what happens when i'm working on
the guts of my site! :)
i'll try to get a new anagram up tomorrow and the new anapix. :) that's all
for now :)
10:40p in response to the huge gigantic thread about pills, alcohol, etc...i
don't feel that i abuse these things. i do what i need to do 2 survive. i
am very nervous and i have good reason to be very nervous as WELL as i have
always been a very nervous person since day 1. i'm not about 2 die. i have
never taken too much xanax. i never said that i have ever taken too much.
what i have said is that my presciption only alows me 3 .25 milligrams pulls
per day. whuch is a VERY lose dose. and sometimes i need MORE xanax that my
presciption allows. as in ...days when guys whip out ther big hard dicks at
me or drunken homeless people lunge at me following me for blocks breathing
down my neck or when whole groups of people tell at me and laugh and scream
at me. etc etc etc. which sriously happens to me EVERY single time i leave
my house and i'm not overexaggerating one bit.
my reaction to these things is normal. if i were not nervous, THAT would be
the weird reaction. i am reacting to my environment in a way that is very
normal. it's like a war zone. it's post traumatic stress syndrome on top of
that because every time these same things happen to me it triggers all my
memories of it before. so each incident of assault builds on itself and i
have no time to get over the previous assault since i keep getting assaulted
before i can even BEGIN 2 heal.
so whatever i do to keep sane, that's what i'll do. and i think that given
the circumstances i am in, i'd say i'm doing a damn good job at remaining
as sane as i possibly can