8:28p i went
out 2 eat with jason. i can't find my ID. augh.
10:06p i'll be fine. i get this way sometimes. my life has been stressful
lately. i ate a spincah salad. now i'm going to go let the dogs run in the
hallway and then it's into bed 2 watch movies. i watch movies. i put up a
new anagram with tons of pix. i smell like cigarettes from the restaurant
i was just at. that's all.
11:50p ok, i'm not in bed yet. do i EVER go to bed when i say i will? no.
then when i want to be awke , i fall asleep in the middle of the floor , like
this afternoon. oh sigh. i'm feeling a bit better having gottten some real
food in me and getting some hugs from jason. i'm thinking about opening up
flash 4 and figuring it all out right now and then putting a brilliant flash
site up right before u can even blink an eye! and then i'll make every one
pancakes! my oh my , how i jump from mood to mood.
----------
Saturday, May 20th, 2000
1:16a i am scarfing down molasses cookies my mom made me. surfing the net.
pondering.
2:17a ok, i AM tired now. i ate 6 big molasses cookies. that was a bit much!
i wrote down the asdresses of more people to make unvalentines for. and i
cut and pasted all the new "anadreams' that people have sent me so i
can update that section.
12:59p i was looking at my stats page for yesterday and came across this part:
Top 10 of 11 Search Keywords by Access Count:
Rank Host Name
1 anacam 22
2 anacam.com 12
3 ana cam 3
4 www.anacam.com 3
5 anna cam 2
6 house cam
7 what do you do you when you have diareah 1
8 what ever you want in life 1
9 chat to women who have cams 1
10 my cam is on 1
ummm, what is up with # 7????
1:09p ok, i'm gonna put in all the funny things peopel have put in search
engines and found my site in the past 7 days ( i can't go back any further
than that ) , i didn't know my stats page had that. i don't look at my stats
much. here are some more funny ones: i want to sell life insurance, i'm in
love what do i do? , watch my house, "welcome mat", how do i have
sex when i'm 18?, i want my free site, i want to watch music videos, watch
out
1:45p i'm working on fixing links on my site that are inaccurate.
2:38p i just added page 2 to the anadream section ( www.anacam.com/anadream
) lots of very hilarious and weird dreams :)
4:19p i added more menus and links and stuff 2 both anacam and ana2. trying
2 make things more accessible, and it's hard 'cause i'm always adding and
deleting things, so it's hard to come up with a permanent menu thing. and
now i screw up "under the bed' so if anyone is trying 2 post there right
now it might not werk. argh. sorry bout that. i'm trying 2 learn! now jason
is trying 2 fix my mistake..i did something awful :/ i think i screwed up
the entire thing. now jason says he might have 2 build it back by scratch
:( argh. i feel just awful about this.
5:07p ok, under the bed is up again..i must get food...*sigh*
7:59p mmm, i had 2 pear cider with chambord in them. i just learned how 2
spell "chambord" tonight. hope i'm getting it rigt. had garlic roasted
potato pizza with a white sauce and sour cream and a sald with bleu cheese
dressing and i feeel ggoooooodddd. sun's going down so i'm going for a VERY
quick walk then jason and i are gonna watch hald japanese videos and stuff.
and i feel so much better than the minute i totally trashed my bbs and it
was too hot in here and everythng was wrong. ok, quick walk..be back soon!
i thinkn i'll take the dogs :)
8:59p i haven't seen that film. but i'll keeep my eye out for it. when i send
japanese i meant 2 say half japanese, the band :) about what memory i'd take
with me...it would be me when i was about 2 years old playing with my marbles
and loving how the light went through them :) and so started my orb fetish
;)
9:10p oh, what i just write below was actually i reply to scott in the post
below, and i didn't hit "reply" i started typing into the "gizmo"
he brought up a good question "if u could pick one memory to take with
u into the next life which one would i pick? " actually it wasn't EXACTLY
that question.... but it's still a good question :) so, i went out walking
with my dogs and two sets of couples going to thre prom took their pictures
with pooka and deiter i have no idea WHY and i was feeling really hostile
about it first because i hated high school and i wanted to yell at them and
say "i hate high school! dropped out and i'd never have my dogs in any
picture having to do with high school!!!" but they came up to me anyway,
after me blatantly ignoring them and then i saw in their eyes of the boys
they were so young and SEEME so nice. but me being cynical, especially against
boys, and extremely cynical about people in geneeral, who can say if they
were good or eveil. they seemed good. and my how i have become very cynical.
and oh well i won't beat myself up about it. it's not unwarranted. so there
u have it...as i say. then another guy asked me for cigarettes and asked me
about my dogs and then yet another group of guys asked me about my dogs and
were they a boy and a girl and i said no they are both boys and this seemed
to disconcert then for about 20 seconds , then they seemed to make peace with
that fact and said, " well, yes, ok..umm.. sure. i guess that could work.
they could be,....comrades" ( ye, they said the word "comrades"!)
and i said well, actually they are homosexual. and immediately they were taken
aback and immediately said , : oh no no no, that cannot be..." and i
quickly said, " oh, yes, they are. i live with them and i should know,
they ARE." and i walked off in a tiff and they were greatly disturbed.
friggin dark ages out there still. and black people not dressed up yelling
at the black people all dressed up for the prom and the pooerer one yelling
"my brothers my sistahs! can u spare a little? " and all that jazz.
and they yelling back with shrugged shoulders and then the poorer ones going,
" well, u ain't lookin THAT fine!" yadda yadda yadda
9:44p when i click on my "friends" section of this livejourbal and
i read it..the juxtaposition of personalities telling about their thoughts
makes me laugh in a good way......wow....each person, representing ( to me
) a small aspect of myself battling it out...which is why i was drawn to those
particular diarists. from the niave to the wise from the highly sexual to
the comfort of androgyny. stuffed animals to workshirts to chakas to pain
to healing to the insanely mundane to the profoundly crazy....big ol internet
i luv u :)
--------
Sunday, May 21st, 2000
1:16a ok, something is up with my stats page 'cause there is NO way the same
guy/girl is gonna put into a search engine "what do you do you when you
have diareah " and STILL have that be in the top ten search keywords.
this time at #10 instead of #7...and even misspelling it fer chissakes! LOL
;) ok...so ...there is no way. god? please tell me there is no way ok?
1:47a ok, i'm not in bed yet..it's 1:30am, and that's not SO bad. i mean...the
sun's not coming up, y'know? i had 2 write down this dream i had this morning
that has stuck with me all day. i rarely have good dreams. at best they are
uncomfortable. but i had what would be called, for me, a good dream. and it
really made me feel all better all day mostly.
some dreams i remember always...because they are so rare.
ok, first of all before i say this dream, don't u think there should be a
link that always takes u back to this main page? i mean, i read everyones
comments, but i gotta use a bookmark to get back to HERE. y'know? i should
write 2 the people who have made this for us, god bless them!
ok, the dream:
what i really need is to draw u a diagram. but a car company made a promotional
item that was four miniature clear plastic toy cars a few inches long that
wewre all connected by their bumpers. i have no idea if u can visulaize that.
i'm trying my best..but that is unimportant 2 the dream anyway...
under each car promo thing was a spool of thread, each in the colour that
the cars came in, all i can remember is blue, red, clear and some other colour.
so these promo cars were meant to keep your thread in order. i need a diagram.
anyway,
we were at a large grand theatre with red carpet and red velvet curtains and
all that. each colour car had it's own woman that would come out and do a
dance with silly lyrics about each cars colour. like a red head for the red
car, etc. so each woman came out and did her song for the colour car she was
supposedly representing.
i was in the crowd and wearing really stupid ugly clothing with the worst
match of colours EVER. and people were making fun of me saying how gross i
was and i was like YA i KNOW i did this on PURPOSE to do the most ugly thing
ever to get your reaction ( i think ). well, no one believed me nad the show
closed after the 4 colours of the new car had been revealed.
them all of a sudden i remembered i was supposed to be the 5th car, representing
the colour yellow! and people were packing up to leave, the orchestra was
putting away their instruments. but then everyone was reminded that it was
me who had to go on last to represent yellow. and the people who had scorned
me didn't believe me that I was in charge of yellow.
but i knew i was. the orchestra had to come back and start reassembling. and
i started to shed my ugly baggy clothes for this awesome james bondish ensemble
and people were still skeptikal, thinking i was taking too long getting ready
and even so....i was being cocky by taking too long. i slowly took off my
short boots and put on my long boots. and the orchestra started playing and
i had no idea what i would sing...but it was perfect, the orchestra and i
aligned so perfectly...total synchronicity. and i got this high note that
gave ME shivers down my spine. it all clicked and i proved myself.
i wish i could ftp it into your brain :)
i woke up before i was finished singing, and that was a good "note"
2 end on :)
wish u could hear what was singing. it was so primal and so "right on"
i will get back 2 music in the right time 4 me :)
4:03p i'm eating mac and cheese and watching hereandnow.net 'cause they are
having an interview with robert fuller
5:57p well, i tried to install netmeeting but couldn't get my headphones to
hea anything, but i could hear through my speakers. then i tried to get to
open the directiry to look someone up and it said it couldn't get connected.
then i tried to open the video thing and it crashed. augh. can't something
just be simple for once? this is what it sounds like...when doves cry.
7:15p just hanging out with jason watching king of the hill and the simpsons
and then the x files season finale :)
11:02p i found this cool rotating cam. i know there are probably cooler ones,
i just haven't been looking..but here is this one: http://swing.campus.luth.se/~jesper/webcam/
if anyone knows about any more cam slike this let me know. i would like 2
have a rotating cam but i have no idea what is the best kind to get or which
is the cheapest or the easiest 2 use. any suggestions?
11:22p does anyone understand that feature on webcam32 where u can also ftp
up a thumbnail of the sam eimage as the bigger one u are ftping up?
11:32p ah, some justice finally? i will look into this more: http://www.phillynews.com/daily_news/2000/Mar/23/local/TUNE23.htm
---------
Monday, May 22nd, 2000
3:46p i would kill for a taco bell 7 later burrito right now. aaaaaa! there
is no taco bell anywhere near me :( i slept for a reeeaaallly long time. i
think it's because of the doxepin. had an ice cold coke. i am slowly waking
up. it's 75 degrees outside. i should get outside and go 2 the bank. but i
know it;s not gonna happen.
4:02p made scrambled eggs and watching oprah. talked 2 my om and tried 2 make
an appointment 2 get my extensions redone. i am so groggy, it's insane.
------------
other posts:
Re: Clarity
- Ana Clara
ana
2000-05-21 17:23
ya, i knew that about yellow :) so i was very happy when i woke up from it
:)
i RARELY have good dreams, maybe one good dream a year :/
so when i get a good one i can feel happy a long time from it :) i feel that
my "subconscious" is telling me that i am stronger than i feel right
now and i could all my strengths/gifts are right there, ready 2 come out at
full force whenever i want :)
------
Re: stacy,
i love you so ;)
ana
2000-05-20 20:49
stacy, i love u so right back! i think it's some sort of curse that we don't
live in the same city! argh. and i need and assistant! and so do u! and we
could assist each other making strange contraptions with brain waves and temperatures
and thought and memories and random things and conjure up laurie anderson
on the ouiji board ( ok, so she's not dead yet..but since all time is NOW,
actually she is...actually, what we should do is conjure up OURSELVES on the
ouiji board, has anyone ever tried it? i'm sure it would work!_i need a girl
partner in crime /scientist. hmm, i had 2 put a slash there 'cause it looked
like i said a crime scientist. i guess that would be good too. if i were one
inch away from being such a good person who has no want to hurt a fly...i
would be such an EXCELLENT serial killer. i would. it's in the details. it's
so sick. but anyway...i would never do that...but u know...i'm only one inch
away. i think we all are. or maybe that's just be projecting. anyway...i think
serial killers were most likely bored out of their minds. and so , since i
am rarely bored..i don't think i will kill anyone...intentionally...unless
they break into my house again..then , they are gonna be dead. there's no
way around that one. not this month anyway. ok, i'm gonna go add u 2 my friends
list thang then i'm off 2 watch being john malkovich on dvd with the dogs.
i'm so lucky. sometimes it makes me sick 2 think i have anything 2 complain
about at all. yesterday was so dire. actually this afternoon was totally dire
and i was all hanging my head low and walking with my shiulders all hunched
up like a person that is very submissive who just got hit and i could not
even have the pride to take in a decent amount of air from my livingroom.
i wanted to shrink. i wouldn't have even made it outside at all if i hadn't
had those ciders. sad 2 say. oh well. as i said above, it's not unwarranted.
it's not in my mind. people flock 2 me in droves needing SOMETHING. it scares
me.