[18 Mar 2001|04:11am]
here i am u at 4, feeling sick. but i DID make a new anagram for ana2 tonight.
and i did some anacam maintanence stuff. took some thre flu and i'm finally
getting tired.
g'nite :)
[18 Mar 2001|09:12am]
i'm up again for a bit. only 4 hours of sleep. trying to get up the energy
to go to the store and get some pop ( ya ya soda ) and some sore throat remedies
and such and buy the pups some treats and get me some food. but i feel like
a noodle.
jason leaves today until tuesday night for a business trip, so i'll be sleeping
on cam for the next two nights.i miss sleeping on cam, isn't that weird? but
i miss the feeling of angels watching over me, which is how i feel when i
sleep on cam.
the wuzzlers are grazing on the carpet. they will be sleeping with me , too...i
miss sleeping with the wuzzlers. i miss getting up in the morning and seeing
how the dogs shifted around as i slept. i am way too in love with the pupsters
:)
in fact, i just watched them moving around all day yesterday and thought that
i could pretty much dedicate my life just to watching my dogs and be pretty
satisfied.
they are so zen. i learn a lot from them. i am so eternally grateful that
i get to live my life with these muppet heads.
argh. i needa coke...the sensation of carbonation on my throat makes me feel
happy.
i have enough change to get one out of the machine...then i think i'll try
to go back 2 bed...if that doesn't work i'll go to the store
so what are
u going to do today?
[18 Mar 2001|09:41am]
http://www2.thecia.net/users/bizahhh/time/index.html
http://www2.thecia.net/users/bizahhh/index.html
i love this
girl :)
[18 Mar 2001|01:19pm]
i have started another mailing list!
it's the ANACAM PICTURE OF THE DAY list!!
( i'm copying vera :) http://www.veralittle.com
)
group name "anacam"
so if u can receive jpegs in your email and want to get a daily picture from anacam from me email here:
anacam-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------------
and u can also join in on other festivities here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/anacam/
u can go there
and tell everyone your fave recipes there, and more...there's even a chat
room :)
poll [18 Mar 2001|02:15pm]
Poll #16:
Open to: all, results viewable to: all
why?
View Answers
because.
39 (79.6%)
i dunno
10 (20.4%)
What do you think?
View Answers
I only feel when:
View Answers
drunk
8 (17.8%)
poked
37 (82.2%)
questions:
View Answers
YES?
18 (37.5%)
NO?
4 (8.3%)
ummm?
26 (54.2%)
[18 Mar 2001|05:04pm]
boing! thera flu!
[18 Mar 2001|06:57pm]
i'm looking at the website for the museum of questionable medical devices
and now i'm looking at websites that are for people with a braces fetish..or
even dentures. i never knew braces could be sexy! <----my brain expands--->
also the whole devotee thing intrigues me.....i have this desire to paint
pictures of amputees wearing braces with lots of big eyed sad looking animal
and stuffed animals....who are also probably amputees...
i.....am weird.....
[18 Mar 2001|10:07pm]
thank u howard f :)
[19 Mar 2001|12:07pm]
i feel sicker today...but i'm not like SUPER sick or anything. but the thing
that really got off my day to a bad start was that my dad called right when
i woke up and i can't even write baout it right now because i feel so on the
verge of crying or throwing up or both...but basically my mom is very god
at making it look like i am so evil and she is just trying to be a good mom.
my dad has taken it hook line and sinker...because she's the MOM, of course,
and she is the one who calls up my dad crying whenever she and i fight...and
i do not. so now i feel really invalidated by my dad too...and i already had
that from my dad from other things...but here it is mixed with this....and
my dad is the only one in the family i thought took me as a real adult person
that wasn't crazy. all he knows is that my mom is crying and she is saying
i am so mean to her...but even HE doesn't know WHAT i've done...because even
when i ask my mom, herself, she can't come up with any examples. all i know
is that my dad was talking to me as if my mom had put a prerecorded tape in
his head of her talking. it was so creepy. it's like i feel like i'm in invasian
of the body snatchers of the stepford wives or something. it's just so creepy.
i am so utterly creeped out. this is really very difficult to digest...which
is why i feel like throwing up. i cannot live in denial like my parents do.
i cannot just swallow it and pretend everything is ok.
[19 Mar 2001|08:43pm]
well, get this now....this really takes the cake...
my mom denies she ever servered ties with me, she said all she wanted to do
was get off the phone.
ok......ya.........i'm in the stepford wife movie.....
ah how this day twists and turns....
so creeeeeeeeeeeepy!
btw, i have
a big surprise for u all waiting in april :)
[20 Mar 2001|08:21am]
i still haven't slept. can't breathe. augh.
i can't wait until jason is home
[20 Mar 2001|08:51am]
livejournal user called absolution had a link to this:
http://www.about-face.org/gallery/topten_archives/newten2/one.html
click one
through ten....what do u think?
i agree with some and some i don't agree...
here is the
actual homepage of this place:
http://www.about-face.org/index.html
it's very detailed
i have yet
to explore the bio
[20 Mar 2001|05:21pm]
jason's home and all i'm gona do now is smoosh against him
[20 Mar 2001|06:52pm]
i wanna try to get my brother into hazelden. anyone u know ever been there?
know how much it costs? any advice?
lovers
slacks
marshmallow
fuck-buddy
dry-hump
anti-perspirant
pop
quantatative
berzerk
mahogany
queer
labia
croatia
bologna
encrusted
encapsulated
aluminum
corrugated
monosyllabic
cunt
necessarily
tummy
assimilate
tirade
sanctuary
fusilage
bowels
query
i said:
of your words u don't like, i liked these:
pop
mahogany
sanctuary
my most hated words are:
butterscotch
pants
crotch
cunt
bag
wank
vagina
dick
corpussle (sp?)
shank
soda
february
wednesday
fickle
sour
egg nog
rawk
kewl
dude
chip
altoids
skank
putrid
heartthrob
cracker
arthritis
boil
gigolo
anyways ( as opposed to anyway )
jesus
bus
gord
peanut
corpuscle
concubine
bitch
ho
creamy
orange roughy
prick
shucks
tums
rolaids
crock
jug
tickle
humid
i'll think of more later ad also words i love :)
[21 Mar 2001|09:49am]
was th e18th the first day of spring?
*shameless* all NUDE oll MONTH of april :) [21 Mar 2001|10:23am]
in celebration of spring, my birthday, and that i survived march!
ya! i invite others to join me!
i will be painting my body a new way every few days :)
this will be a challenge! :)
[21 Mar 2001|04:33pm]
the time to start living is now!
various words spoken on #anacam galaxynet.org [21 Mar 2001|04:40pm]
i'm not sure if this moment will last
i hope so..
but right now all of a sudden
Yeah?
i don'y a flying fuck what anyoje thinks of me
my life
what i do
my body
whatever
LET IT FLY
THAT is a beautiful feeling to hold onto.
i have to hold onto it
i need to
i am afriad that when the sun goes down it will go
That's how I wish I felt ALL the time, instead of sporadically.
i haven't felt this way ever really
this fight with my mom today
just
Really?
split me open
and
Oh no! Wha'ppen?
if she just can't get me
then..
whatever
LET IT FLY
so i'm flabby
FUCK it
so my house is a mess
SO what
I AM GONNA let it fly
so i have a huge bruise on my ass
I'm flabby, my house is a mess, no one cares.
i'm not gonna hide from the cam
here i am
i'm sick
i have a cold
i'm stressed
word totally up
and i'm aging
and it'd been winter
OK, I don't have an ass-bruise.
and i'm aging
there u go
You're...34?
i'm puffy i;m bloated i have zits
my boobs point funny
gonna be 35
ya
At least you don't have bloated zits.
and it is finally going down
FUCK
life is WAY TOO SHORT
god i have like this permanant zit on the back of my shoulder
it never goes
the combination of my mom
It totally is too short to worry about what other people think.
and then finding out that the church in duluth got sold
just
hit it home
oh nooo
the time is now
i have to get going
i'm not even going to wait a week
I've had to develop that attitiude about my work, becuz my political cartoons
really piss people off sometimes.
i'm not waiting
nothing
But it's HARD to do in my personal life sometimes.
right now it's all naked all th etime until i feel like stopping
and i'
m gonna paint the couch red and myself red
then i'm gonna sit on the coucvh and paint poictures of cups
cups on fire
cups as flying saucers
cups as pets
cups as the sun
Paint paint paint! You'll feel so much better. :-)
rawk on
cups as a bed
I want one!
cups as a hat
i am gonna PAINT CUPS
until i have the money for my house
Ana--I have a Steve Keene painting I'm thinking of getting rid of.
then i'm gonna march on over there and BUY it
goddamit
RIGHT ON!!!
JESUS made wine out of water
and he did the loaves and the fishes thing
i CAN
make miracles happen
{{{Ana}}}
Alexander Grahm Bell made a phone out of some wire and...CUPS
i am aries aries leo
Fly, sweety, fly :)
copingskillsmyass.com
my mother has shuned me
i can still get that condo maybe
if i do a loaves and fishes thing
and if i don't get enough loaves and fishes
well
then
at least i have more money and i had fun
and i lived
:-)
Yeah.
and lots of peole have happy paintings of cups
:)
and if i get audited and it all gets ripped away from me
then WHO CARES
cause i DID it
and i was there
i experienced it
just to live in that place for ONE day
just top rollerskate IN my house and watch the trains go buy
That's all that counts, in the end.
AND have a fireplace
DAMN
woo hoo!
cups cups
nudity painting!
please let me hold on to this energy!
:)
i'm gonna put on music
and start painting me red
or painting the couch red
yay
or twirling or something
Hurray!
because i have NO MORE TIME to listen to people tellling me that i can't do
this or that and i'm crazy
Go paint some cups. :-)
i'm not crazy at all
i have one canc=vas
i have some cardboard
i have a few paints here and there
i have glitter
No, you're not crazy :)
i'm just going to strat RIGHT here RIGHT now
NO more waiting
not even waiting until april 1st
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Live for yourself :) FLY
That's the only way to start anything.
i'm gonna puff out my belly
and wiggle my ass bruise
and ya
Puff Mama
I love that belly :)
PUFF MAMA
u do?
:)
well
yre gonna get it now
And that lovely bruised ass :)
here comes EARTH MAMA PUFFED OUT
and ready to GIVE BIRTH NOW
i gotta buncha cups and kittens and weird ends in me
here we go!
[21 Mar 2001|08:59pm]
well, my pharmacy did not have any of my prescriptions ready even tho they
were supposed to be ready YESTERDAY. AND their computer had been down all
day so they had no way to verify anything. they CONSTANTLY fuck shit up like
this.
tonight will not be fun for me. no sirree. yes, it's ana without xanax and
that's not a pretty site. send me calm vibes! aaaaayiiieeeee!
on a nicer note i have taught sebastian to howl, and now when i howl, he howls with me. i'll have to include him on one of my songs now! i am so lucky to be with these dogs. they save me everyday :)
i got new
red engineer boots!...as i wrote to my yahoo club yesterday:
"oh! and i got red engineer boots! woohoo! it's hard to find them in
my size
( 6 ) and they were RED. i've wanted red engineer boots for a decade!
they are gonna be my kick ass spring is coming it's my birthday yay yay yay
scuffle around on the train tracks boots :)
zip zip crash,
ana voog
[21 Mar 2001|10:07pm]
well, i've been through hell and high water today and made it through a better
person. i'm now gonna go take this sparkly red paint off my face in a nice
warm bath! i am a total grime. i wish my voice would return to normal, i sound
like a croaky thing....but it really sounds nice when i sing, i can hit these
great low notes with such resonance. makes me wish i was a smoker....in a
way
i feel a lot better today. and it's so nice to not be all out of it on cold medicine
when i get
back i'm going to make another anagram :)
[22 Mar 2001|03:22pm]
now i'm back. i've gone 31 hours without taking a xanax and i can't believe
i'm just fine! ( altho i am on other meds that are also antianxiety ) but
this is really remarkable :)
but i did get my meds finally refilled, i just have to wait until jason can
take me to get them.
but i am going to try to taek less for as long as i can. maybe that big blow
out ephiphany i had yesterday "fixed" me in a way? only time will
tell. i don't know if this is temporary or permanent. but i'm really glad
that i feel as of right now.
i finally am starting to get some real sleep too and that helps so much. i
think i will take an afternoon nap. i feel that sleep is what i need most
right now