i'm still
sick. i don't have a sore throat, so i'm better than i was. i am listening
2 meloncholy ( sp? ) music while outside it is grey and foggy. just making
this anagram and dealing with some business matters that really suck. my dreams
are stuck in me, but i can't remember them. i just have this heavy uncomfortable
feeling around me. i think i need a bath with some candles.
i don't have the energy to type all i want to say. it's just a day to do nothing
but lay on the floor and watch movies.
last night i was watching grammies and got quite drunk! ( captain morgan's
spiced rum ) here is something i tried to mail to my maling list during my
state on drunkenness...funnily enough...so many people wrote back 2 me and
said it made them laugh so much in a good way and some guy wrote "MARRY
ME!"so...ummmm. ya.
so here is what i wrote:
ok, i'm like...drunk
sort of..not blasted..but 2% beyond tipsy
captain morgan's spived
i'm sick with a sore throat thing, but the sore throat thing stopped yesterday
and now i have this general feeling of ickiness
no energy. nothing. so much 2 convey. can't we just put out minds together
and ftp thoughts?
it's not fair.
i saw my shrink today a.k.a. ( like i even know what that stands for )
and got a new prescription for my meds ( xanax for anxiety, amitriptyline
for my migraines )
he is just dr."pusher man" like in the blacksploitation movie that
alludes my mind right now
all i can say is thank god, he saves my life literally
what am i trying to say?
everything
so i'm watching the grammies, i didn't even know they were on today.
just..boom...there they were
i always have 2 watch because
1) i love to see what people will wear
2) i love to see if any one will freak out and start crying if they win
3) it's like a car accident ( although in real life i DO NOT watch car accidents
)
ok, the dixie chicks just won something and one of them cried, so now i feel
like all empathetic even tho i dislike their music
i understand the pressure
hell, bobby z ( x drummer of prince and the revoltion ) said that what radioactive
( my last label )n was far the most pressure hess EVER seen dumped on one
person in the entertainment industry EVER.
and i survived that.
no wonder i ate xanax like tic tacs as i sat glueing rhinestones to my body
for two hours in my hotel room at the luxor...the big pyramid place.
can't open the tinted windows for fresh air in case anyone lost lots of money
and wanted to commit suicide.
that night frank sinatra died and all the light were diminshed in his honour.
wild.
7:30 pm...if i make it back 2 the computer i will wrote more....so much...
-----------
then i wrote this:
oh, i guess i just
sent u all the very beginning of my letter whithout finishing it!
blarg!
i guess then part two will soon follow!
trying 2 stay linear!
ya, ME linear, when's THAT gonna happen ???
more mysteriousd 2 follow soon, unless i pass out!
------------
ok, and what's with
wanting 2 call people on the phone when you're drunk? does anyone else experience
this phenomenon? all of a sudden i get this great loving urge to call up everyone
that i have put up on calling! i am such a freak. let tho gods me on my side,
and please i hope i made sense!
and whatever is playing right now on jason's cd player is so perfect for this
day. lemme go see if i can figure out what it is.
ok, it's the tindersticks. it's rather nick-esque
----------
i am in such a weird
state of mind lately. just...i am far away yet totally here at the same time.
all i wanna do is listen 2 music in my headphones and drink.
i just do. and i gotta hand in all the 1099s today to jason and zachary. blarg.
taxes. so now i am listening to hole's latest. so shoot me. i just want it.
i mean i want to listen to hole, i don't want anyone 2 shoot me :)
so the cheque that i thought someone had stolen from me really WAS from me. bummer. why would i take a cheque from the very bottom of the stack and send this off without even writing that down? i ill change my ways. or it could be very detrimental down the line. it's really hard and draining to explain. but i was in process of shutting down that account. so i called up my isp right away saying i would send them another cheque from my new account right away! well, they resubmitted again to my bank, so of course it bounced AGAIN. so now i have 2 25 dollar fines from my isp and two 25 dollar fines from my bank! whateverrrrrrr.
augh. so now i gotta figure out this 1099 stuff. i know i'm smart enough to do it, i didi it last year, yet..my brain just switches off at times like this and then i wanna drink and lay on the floor and disappear. i'll be ok, i'm just being overly melodramatic :)
i think that's it for now