hello. i do not know how 2 begin this. so much of us are in pain, and for some this is a moment of clarity and joy. this is obviously a time of beginnings and endings, transition, birth, death, redefining, letting go, sifting though our backpacks that we take on our individual journeys...and discerning what 2 leave behind on the road 2 make our backpacks lighter...or perhaps taking on some new thing...maybe as big as a piano..because u need 2 get that piano from point a 2 point b, for whatever reasons u may have. maybe because it makes u feel real, keeps u connected, it is something 2 focus on, a meditation, or maybe it is your way 2 gain attention. carrying that piano for all 2 see. some do it in private, for whatever reason. maybe 2 keep it sacred, for whatever reasons they may have. maybe somebody told u 2 hide the piano. maybe some of u are hiding with this piano on the side of the road..hoping that no one will see the pain u are in as u cannot lift it another foot, but u are too afraid or proud 2 ask for help. maybe u are on the side of the road hitchhiking with the piano...but no car comes along big enough 2 carry u and it. u don't know what 2 do.

do u leave the piano behind? just sitting on the road like that exposed 2 the elements? u carried it for long. it deserves 2 at least be left at a rest stop. it's precious. it deserves a proper burial. but u can't go on with it....

one thing i have learned, so far, in this life, is that there is no PERFECT time 2 begin something or end something. it sounds so trite, but it's true...all we have is NOW. this IS the sacred time this is the sacred place. this is the perfect time this is the sacred time...2 decide 2 pick up the pinao and strap it 2 yourself and start your journey or leave that piano behind. maybe u are trying 2 bring that piano 2 someone who needs it desparately or maybe they don't even know they need it or want it, u are just going 2 surprise them with it. maybe once u give it 2 them they will hate it, or be indifferent (even worse). maybe they will love it and be so consumed by it they will forget about u. maybe they will make such beautiful music with it, it will have been well worth the trouble 2 drag that piano from point a to point b for them. maybe the music will overpower u and u will seem 2 disappear. maybe u will get jealous of the piano and want 2 take it back or smash it. or maybe their all consuming joy will inspire u 2 do "your thing" in your way.

some of u have invented marvelous ways 2 lug your piano around...trucks , wagons, teleportation, shrinking it and putting it in a small place inside of u that will expand again to normal size when u decide 2 let it out. some of u have put the piano inside of u and have forgotten it was there...and u just feel off kilter because of it, but don't know why. some of u didn't know how 2 shrink it, so u ingested it whole, and now it's stuck.
some of u dissected the piano and ate some pieces, and gave some pieces away to complete strangers because it felt it was the right thing 2 do. now u need 2 order the parts that are missing that u gave away, but since it's a one of a kind piano , no one has parts for it. u are going 2 have 2 make them yourself...or make do with a piano missing some parts.

some of u may want 2 dissect the piano to see what it is...so u can get a better idea of why u are carrying this piano...maybe 2 justify it. maybe just out of curiousity.

some of u have dissected it and put it back together to make an entirely new "thing" when u realized that you'd never get it back together the way it "was".
sometimes it takes awhile 2 adjust 2 the new thing u made. u don't know if u can carry it now. u don't know what u made, maybe. u don't know if u want 2 take that on. is it "you"?

how do u assimilate it? and what makes u, perhaps, even more nervous is how will the people around u be affected by it? will they honour your decision 2 "change the rules"? perhaps they were rooting for u while u trekked that piano on your back. u were a source of inspiration for them. they lived through u. they imagined that u were carrying that piano for them. or they thought is was a good cause. perhaps they were also all carrying pianos and u were "in it together" with them.

now that you've transformed your piano into something different...u are not "with them" anymore. they feel betrayed. let down.
or perhaps they will feel inspired to transform their piano into something like u made, 2 understand u better, and be with u. some will be inspired to transform their piano into something that only they understand...and u will see this and beam joy at them and u will inspire each other on parallel paths. there are perhaps a whole group of people now that u didn't know of before, who have all dissected their pianos and made them into other things...maybe they have coiled the strings on the piano into their hair like a wild medusa. some have eaten all the black keys because of some irrational fear...this caused them great pain inside as the keys hit upon their insides trying 2 find a way out again. for some their desire 2 keep the black keys inside them has resulted in death or insanity...or maybe an anger turned outwards on everyone.

this anger might be too confusing and too much 2 bear especially if that piano had been given to them by someone they love, or trusted...and this person who gave them this piano had carried this piano 2 them as a present..and it took them their whole life..so to be polite, u had 2 take the piano from them..and now what do u do with it?

some of u don't even know what a piano is. some are going to think there is only one way to play it. some have so many pianos they have no room anymore for another one. if u show up at their door with another piano...they might scream at u, or withdraw, or politely let u in and try 2 squeeze in another piano at the expense of their wellbeing.

some people are piano-free because they've never even seen a piano. some are piano free because they never figured out how 2 carry one effectively. maybe they are too weak, or see themselves as too weak for a myriad of reasons. some are just too lazy. for some, they are just not "piano people". some would rather carry a flute, or panther, or some scotch tape...'cause u never know when that'll come in handy...a trait they picked up from their family, or friends, or perhaps just a keen insight after a long night of dissecting pianos.

some thrive on carrying pianos, there doesn't need to be a goal, it just makes them feel they are "doing something" , or perhaps they are carrying it because they need 2 be in the piano carrying crowd 2 hang out with. maybe they carry pianos to make their muscles stronger, or 2 show off, or to punish themselves for a myriad of reasons. some do this in private because they are embarrassed or scared what others may think. maybe all the flute people think your're nuts. so u hide the piano. but u can't stop thinking about it so u are never really "here".

some carry a piano 'cause it's the only thing they've ever known. they come from a long lineage of piano carriers.
some carry too many pianos in public as a way to get sympathy...or as tactic so that u cannot bring any other subjects around them because they are so obviously in pain with carrying too many pianos...their piano may just be a distraction from the real intruments underneath.
some build fortresses with their pianos.

some people who have eaten all the black keys in a fit of anger or paranoia (and sometimes even the white...or both...) learn to transform their bodies and minds and spirits later on when they realize they can never separate their "past deeds" or their "past pain". u can hide the scars with plastic surgery, u can deny they are even there by becoming very busy ( maybe by carrying pianos or even other people's pianos) but the links are always there. the threads are intrinsically entwined forever at that moment that "it happened" or u decided to do "that" or "that happened to u", or u thought "that" or took that action (or inaction)...and just as it is "permanent" , the miracle of "the universe" is that u can transform that moment into something else...maybe in how u decide 2 react 2 it, or think about it...u transform yourself around the moment and miraculously....either your surroundings changed to reflect back your current "state"....or shifted into some other parallel "reality" that u made with your own imagination/will/desire/INTENT...and u are now living in it.

the "older reality" that u "left behind" is still there tho, intact. it is it's own creation now. it will take it's own path now...but u will still be connected 2 it , even by a thin thread, because u are it's mother, and that cannot be changed (or can it?).

going back...a person could start to "play with/work with" their pain they had when they swallowed all the keys 2 their piano (or other's pianos)...they could play with the keys inside of them instead of against and come out the other end as a hybrid human/piano...and u have invented a way to to play those keys inside of u and this soothes u, or soothes others, or irritates others, or starts a whole new movement of people who have eaten their pianos in a fit of exasperation or whatever it may be...to now know they can make music within themselves in a new way. transforming "it". alchemy.
some may be afraid of the music they make once they figure out 2 do it. so they will only "sing" in private....that is a whole nother page 2 get into which i cannot type now 'cause i'm running out of typing steam :)

some people picked up a piano, found they could not carry it to the destination they desired...nor could they even make it to a rest stop. so they planted themselves down right where they were/are and decided 2 learn 2 play the damn thing. so they are just out there in "the middle of nowhere" , happily or unhappily playing their piano. and new rest stops are born from them. maybe even a small community, maybe even a city!
ok, i think i've exhausted this analogy/metaphor for now. i had NO idea i was going 2 type that out!!! :)