october 6th , 2008

31 for 21

LINK

human beings not human doings


one week from today i will have thee ultrasound!
i'm so excited!

i'm making chicken soup today.
i love when it is soup weather.
and it's so nice to have my dad living down the hall now to help us eat it!

i'm watching the stocks fall today with a small sigh of "told you so"

semi-post for 31 for 21:

and i'm stumped on what to write about for 31 for 21.
i am doing an abysmal job of writing!
i actually have a few topics i have been meaning to write about for some time but it is all so complex
i lay in bed and try and figure out a plan of action to take to somehow write about it in a coherent way.
my brain fractals off with so many tangents.

i want to write about "quality of life"
and i want to write about how i perceive "happiness"
i want to write about people's perceptions , in general, and how i see
most people's perceptions as being a huge deterrent to seeing other perspectives on quality of life and happiness.
a big part of me just doesn't want to write about it at all
because i feel it will mostly fall on deaf ears and it's just such an ordeal to say it.
and as i've gotten older and as i am so busy now with lili and being pregnant right now
it's hard to find the time and energy to really put my all into writing about it
which is what needs to be if i am to write about it with any coherence at all.
and really i just feel that people are going to "get it" when they are ready to get it.
nothing i say about anything is going to change any minds.
it's all rather exhausting.
but i said i would write for 31 for 21...
so...
and these are the things i would want to write about.

i see a lot of people write about how they feel bad that their child with T21 is not reaching the milestones
that typical children are.
and that a lot of people feel like they are being left behind in the dust or missing out on something.
i feel sad when i read things like this and i don't know what to say.
i wish i could say something to make people feel better about that.
but it really stems from a fundamental core perception about what is happiness
and what is progress, and what is quality of life

in short, to quote someone
i see it as we are human BEINGS not human doings or human thinkings.
i don't think i am a happy person because i can do or think.
if i could do or think MORE than i do right now, i do not think that would add to my happiness.

i do not live my life bemoaning that my body was not built to be a professional basketball player.
and i am not less happy because i completely suck at math.
i don't have the mind to fix a car nor even programme the vcr
i don't drive and never had my license to.
i don't have a college degree and didn't even finish high school.
i don't understand the stock market and sometimes i am not even strong enough to get the lids of of jars.
i can't run a mile or touch my toes
i could not do a crossword puzzle if my life depended on it.

if i could do any of these things or think about these things would i be a happier person?
i don't really think so.

it's nice to be able to do things.
but when you cannot do certain things or solve algebra problems, you just move and and do the things you ARE good at.
there is plenty out there to do, like even staring at a wall can be quite fun.

i also think the cat stevens song sums it up quite well:

Oh, Im bein followed by a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin and hoppin on a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow

And if I ever lose my hands, lose my plough, lose my land,
Oh if I ever lose my hands, oh if.... I wont have to work no more.
And if I ever lose my eyes, if my colours all run dry,
Yes if I ever lose my eyes, oh if.... I wont have to cry no more.

And if I ever lose my legs, I wont moan, and I wont beg,
Yes if I ever lose my legs, oh if.... I wont have to walk no more.
And if I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south,
Yes if I ever lose my mouth, oh if.... I wont have to talk...