january 10, 2008
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4:14pm

she only rolls if i put her on her stomache and then only now and then.
but i captured it on cam!
look how happy she is :)

if i could go back and know ONE thing while i was pregnant with her, i'd have liked to have known how hilarious she would be.
i would never have guessed that my girl would be so frickin' funny.
craziest sounds, extremely comical expressions. she is a barrel of monkeys in a sea of peach jelly with pancakes on top.

today i let her hold a raw carrot.
i figure it's ok to let her hold a few items of food and let her sniff it and touch it like a toy.
she immediately put it up to her mouth and licked it like a little puppy. she liked it for sure! (then she dropped it on the floor)

it's really going to be fun to show her food.
i'm just going to let her explore the scents, textures and colours of a few things of food.

i'm also going to get her a little cup and spoon and let her play with those like toys those are familiar objects to her.

feeding her solids and teaching her to drink from a cup is going to be a challenge, i think, because of her tongue thrusting she does.
but i can start now teaching her that holding a cup and spoon can be fun (i hope)
i can't even imagine her learning a sippy cup any time super soon because she can't even deal with a fast flow nipple yet! she's just gotten used to medium flow.

she has been touching her feet with her hands a little more.
she isn't doing it a lot like i've seen other babies do. and she doesn't try to get her foot in her mouth...but i'm happy she is slowly discovering her feet.
every day i try and get her to discover them.

i'm so proud of my little butterbean!

i'm still only making about 15 ounces of breast milk a day. i've resigned myself to only making that much a day.
i just cannot whack my head against that wall anymore.

my goal is to pump for a year. but my domperidone runs out in april and i'm not going to get any more because i don't feel "right" about being on this drug for longer than that. god only knows what the long terms effects are. and even tho nothing bad has ever been reported about domperidone...it still eeks me out a bit to be on a drug that makes me lactate.

but sometimes i'm just amazed with myself that i can even pump for one more day.
it's so exhausting. in all actuality, if i make it just to 6 months i'll be proud of myself.
i feel really down on myself for wanting to end it. but in all truthfulness i really do.
i have to take it one day at a time. one pump at a time.

but i know the last day i ever feed her my breast milk will be a super sad day and i will cry tears.
so...emotionally it's hard both ways.
physically and emotionally difficult.

i really try to do the best i can....bah.
i'm torn.

i can't get rid of the 7 pounds of baby weight either.
and now i've even gained more since her birth.
i don't know how much more because the scale broke.
but i'm too tired to excercise and i can't really diet since i need to make milk.
and i think the domperidone makes me hungry.
but i feel like a flabby sloth. i'd like to lose at least 10 pounds
(my weight has NOTHING to do with me wanting to stop pumping, btw. this is just a side note of irritation)

i'm trying to figure out how to get the energy (and time) to excercise) that doesn't involve copious amounts of caffeine.

i still have the faintest linea negra still on my belly, too.
and my whole body still feels totally out of whack since benig pregnant as if every bone and joint in my body has shifted and never regained itself back to it's "starting" position.
i hunch over and creak. my joints ache. i FEEL 41 for the first time.
and that really sucks.
it doesn't help that i have the worst posture in the world.

i need to be rolfed and i need a massage or 10.

and i haven't gotten my period yet.
i feel like my body is running on vapours.

all this complaining aside...it sounds weird but i've never been happier with my life!
really!

i'm settling in the new apartment and kissing my little pooper bear's toes!