january 5, 2008

IMAGES

4:28pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXyWmksIVZg

this is a minimilistic video of lili playing her toy piano.
ya, i'm kinda enthalled by her playing it :) ha :)
what i need to find is a toy candelabra!

i want to make music with her :)
i'm so excited!

lili seems moments away from rolling from her back to her stomache.
she gets on her side and alllllmost does it.

she is also finally touching her feet a little bit.
and holding her knees sometimes.

i wonder how much she weighs now. i have no idea.
i am going to guess somewhere between 13 and 14 pounds.
i need to get a stroller. its hard to wear her and she always wants to face outward.

i looked at my baby book the other day and lili and i grew at the same rate.
we both are small people :)

she is easy to take care of.
very content to touch fabric now over and over feeling its texture
and to watch things and smile
she also loves to make sounds and swing
she hasn't tried to form words in quite awhile like she was a month ago.

more and more she reaches out to try and grab things.
she is understand the world around her and how she relates to it

she actually likes to sleep in her crib which is weird for me since i planned to co-sleep entirely.
but since the crib is right by the bed it's almost like we are.
in the morning, tho, she comes into bed with us to be snuzzled and fed.

i'm making less milk again. i can't get past 15 ounces a day and she drinks twice that.
it's a bummer.

i'm going to try and find someone who would be willing to donate 15 ounces of beastmilk a day to me.
or several people who could donate a few ounces here and there.

i really hate feeding her 1/2 formula.
but at least she is getting 1/2 breastmilk.

i'm showing her a band called "the bird and the bee" right now
and she has her eyes closed as she is listening and i rock her in her bouncer with my foot as i type this on such a gray and windy day.

 

3:03pm

i unplugged the phone and now just got an email from my mom with her apologzing for being so edgy.

thank god!!!!

i emaield back and said it's ok and i understand why she is edgy!

 

i said i'd call her tonight when m gets home.

i just made more videos of lili and i am rocking her in her bouncer with one foot as i type this.

i'm going to try and gte the video up if lili will let me :)

man, i am so glad it look like this thing with my mom will blow over sooner than i thought.

 

i thought it might go on for months!!

 

11:10am

my mom keeps calling me (every hour on the hour...9am...10am...11am...but this started last night) and i cannot bring myself to answer the phone.

i'm not going to answer it until m gets home because if she has anything horrible to say to me i can't afford to cry and get all hysterical when i am here by msyelf caring for the lili bean.

gah.
i hate this so much.

and hearing the phone ring so much is unnerving.
i feel trapped.

i am psyching myself up for talking with her tonight (or more like her talking at me and me building up a shield around myself and being quiet to withstand the onslought)

i refuse to be energetically dragged through what should have been over years ago.

i'm not going back there.

i have a headache.
it's a grey day.

lili keeps me sane and happy regardless.
she is oblivious to the woes of life, thankfully.
she reminds me of what is really important and to stay in the now.

+++

i figured out a way i can have cable tv and that is to buy one of the bundles so i get cable way cheaper. (liek $40 a month instead of $80)

so i'm getting rid fo quest and my isp and going with comcast for phone, cable and internet.
it's a pain in the ass to get it all transferred over.
and now i ahve to switch a few emails like on my domains and such.
but once it's done it'll be nice to have one bill for it all and to have my cable tv back.

i need my food network to get me through the winter!
cab;e tv comes on the 7th.

+++

i'm trying to get the cam in the bedroom where i spend most of my time.
i need to find the wires to make it long.
but it's a drag because i do not want wires criss crossing all over the place. and when lili starts to get mobile, wires criss crossing will not be ok to have anywhere so this is a period of adjustment as i try and figure out how to have my cam and also a baby.

bear with me!

thank you!