december 26, 2007

11:09pm

ok, i know i am getting rid of things...but there are some things i do not want to get rid of!

like how could a huge box of my clothes disappear???
a big plastic box full of leather gloves, hats, and a very expensive red feather boa i bought at cirque du soleil?
i am very mystified and unhappy about this :(

not to mention i never did find my broiler pan.
how does a broiler pan disappear off the face of the planet?

how does a gigantic box full of very flamboyant accessories disappear???

WHERE IS MY STUFF???

really!
this is really really bothering me!!!

8:20pm

deiter is gone.
it's the big things in life i sometimes have a hard time finding the energy to write about.

getting rid of more things.
shoes.
trying to get down to 10 pairs.
very difficult.
i cannot even describe the psychological/emotional aspects i have wrapped up in all of this.

and the process i have gone through to reach this point that i can let go of so much.

every object has unlimited potential and ten thousand stories to tell. past present and future.

i am not really "there" yet but i am doing it anyway.
sometimes that is the only way to get things done.

feng shui.
wabi sabi.

3:33pm

xmas went ok.
it was a bit exhausting to have it right after we moved.
the food was good. my mom and i had a small fight but quickly moved on from it.
lili got lot's of very nice presents!

the sweetest thing, for me, was getting to play santa for the 1st time :)
i got a little teary about that.

i'm glad i'm home now even tho my house is not much of a refuge with everything that needs to be organized here.

i have deiter back and was miserable about it and so was deiter.
but then i found him a new home this morning with a kind buddhist with an autistic son and 2 cats.
he is also going to take my reclining and sitting mannequins...which are very expensive but i'm sick of looking at them and i have no room for them.

i just can't live with so much stuff anymore.
i'm unloading even tho i have a huge lump in my throat about it.

i'm challenging myself to get my clothes down to only 10 of everything, as well.
we'll see if i can do that. i have no idea.
very difficult for me.
my identity is heavily wrapped up in my clothes.
my clothes don't really fit me anymore and they all have so many rips and stains now.
and i don't know if i feel like wearing all these old things anymore and with lili i can't wear velvet and lace and vintage dresses because she will spit up on them or i will leak milk on them.
i'm just in an entire overhaul of my life.

everything in my life is changing right down to what i wear.

i'm trying to be zen about it and practice the art of non-attachment.

letting go letting go letting go

i'm excited and i'm scared.

the guy is coming over here right ow with his pick up truck to get deiter and the mannequins.