| december
18, 2007 |
||
5:02pm
i left almost all the lj communities
i belonged to.
just got rid of so much on LJ today.
i was still hanging out wayyyyy to much in all the pregnancy related communities
and i really (really!) have had my fill of reading about it all for now.
i have WAY too much more to do in my life.
i would read them still because it was all i had time to do inbetween taking
care of lili, because i can't really concentrate on reading anything of length
right now.
and i guess i was still "addicted" (and still am..but i'm going
to try really hard to break myself of the habit) to reading about it because
i was not "over" giving birth to lili and so i wanted to relive
it out a bit in other people's news and such about their pregnancies.
it was hard to let it all go cold turkey after the birth.
i couldn't go from mega prego woman to zada zip nothing in a few hours flat.
so i still needed to hang onto those communities for awhile to let myself
down a bit more gradually.
but ya, i reaaaalllly need to back off LJ because it takes up every single second of extra time i have because it's the easy thing to do if i have a few spare minutes.
but i'm going to try and back off and see what else i can find to do besides refreshing my friends list.
i'm not really sure what i'll be
able to find to do that only takes a few minutes of time here and there.
i can't really crochet because that sucks to only do for a few minutes here
and there.
i can't read.
i'm not going to have tv much anymore.
seriously what AM i going to do in short little bursts?
maybe i can force myself to crochet even if it is just in small amounts at a time. because i really don't know what else i can do.
i keep looking around for the dogs.
when i finish eating something i look around to see if they want what i did
not eat.
i put my plate on the floor for them to lick.
it's automatic.
everything in my house just feels eerie and weird and out of place.
i can't wait for M to come home.
6 more hours and counting.
god, i can't wait for the mornign
to come so i can just MOVE.
the suspense of it all is killing me.
i just want it DONE already.
i feel like i am sitting here at the starting line of a race all in position to run and i am waiting for someone to give the signal.
i think what i need to do for today
now is just give up the rest of the day.
i'm not going to get a damn more thing done.
there is nothing for me to do but wait.
i'll just go saturate myself in my
cable tv since i only get 1 more day of it anyway.
and tonight is the season finale of "a shot at love"
and who WILL she pick. dani or bobbi?
(dani dani dani! pick dani!!!)
haha :) let me show you my life.
2:19pm
we get the keys to our new apartment tomorrow morning.
and we have through xmas to move (although xmas eve day and xmas day i'll
be at my mom's)
i should be packing more and cleaning
right now and i'm trying to psyche myself up to do it.
i'm procastinating.
everything feels topsy turvsy.
my daughter is at my mom's house
so when i move tomorrow i will not have to try and take care of her, too,
on top of everything.
and i miss her TERRIBLY right now. i miss her rrrrreeeaaaalllllyyyy badly.
i need to touch her tiny toes and feed her milk.
and my dogs are gone, too. everyone is gone.
m is at work.
my things are in boxes. everything just feels "wrong". but i know it'll be better soon.
but right now i just feel anxious, ansty, restless, and off-kilter.
the day is greyish white. there is nothing on tv.
and there is not much here to even eat.
i know i need to just go make some coffee and suck it up and get packing.
so...that is what i am going to go do now.
but goddamn i miss my little child and my dogs and m and everything being in it's right place.
i need order of the universe to be restored :(
+++
Baby Registry:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/baby/3BKBUJCBUDKXC