october 22, 2007

1:23pm

lili had her echocardiogram and her heart is fine!
wooooo hooooo!

the only thing she has (and it's nothing to worry about) is a miniscule (so small it cannot be measured or heard..as in smaller than a pin)
membranous VSD (ventricular septal defect). this is a small hole in her heart she had when she was first forming her heart which corrected itself in the womb and all that is left is this incredibly small hole which will probably disappear altogether as she grows. her heart tissue has been/is growing over it and closing it up.

all the chambers of her heart look excellent. it was cool to watch her heart beating on the ultrasound.
it took a long time for them to do it because they were so thorough (and she screamed bloody murder for the 1st 5 minutes but then she fell asleep for the rest of it).

they said we don't have to come in for another echocardiogram until she is 5 years old!

isn't that the best news ever?

i am verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry relieved!

---

i took a pregnancy test today and i am not pregnant, it said.
although i am still waiting to get my period. i think i was supposed to get it around the 18th?
my tarot card reading this morning pretty much said i WAS pregnant (ace of wands as the culmination and all that), so i went out and got a test. ha :)
bad tarot bad!

 

october 21st

IMAGES

finis

we made an appointment for lili to have an echocardiogram tomorrow at 8:30am.
pray and cross your fingers for her that her heart is ok and she will not need any surgery.
i am so nervous :/
when i think of her laying on a table being cut open i just burst into tears.
even tho i know if she had to have the surgery it's is pretty much 100% effective.
i still freak out when i think of her laying on a table getting surgery.
my poor little butter bean.

she weighed 9 pounds 9 ounces when they weighed her at her check up.
everything about her seemed totally fine.

lili's grandparent's (m's parent's) were in town and got to see her again.
lili was really responding to them.
and my dad saw her yesterday , too and she smiled many huge smiles for him.

she is becoming more and more interactive with and us and other people.
really taking a notice of the world around her.
smiling so much and "talking" more and more.

when she sits on our laps she demands to be face forward to she can watch everything and be a part of it all.

it's incredible to watch her unfold and become a little person.

---

i ordered my domperidone from inhousepharmacy.com
1800 tablets for $190 (that was the best deal)

i hope they work out for me.
i think they will since everyone who has used them (that i read about online) has pretty much only good things to say about it.

i tried to get a prescription from lili's pediatrician but she had never even heard of it.
and when she called walgreen's to ask about it, they said it was so brand new that they didn't even have it and the only sue they had ever heard for it was for cancer patients to be taken intravenously.

hmmm.

well....here's to having to order drugs online! yay for thailand (or whever it is i ordered from)

i really do wish that breastfeeding was free for me!
but with the rental of my medela symphony breast pump at $70 a month and all the extra parts i have bought for it, and now this domperidone (and fenugreek, etc)
it costs a LOT for me.

but it's worth it to give lili yummy breastmilk.

i also bought the nourishing traditions cookbook and there is a recipe in thre for homemade formula.
you can also get that recipe at:
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html

but it all seems to labour intensive and also getting those ingredients is mighty pricey, as well.

but i may give it at least a try to make the formula because i'd rather give her formula made from natural wholesome ingredients that the god-knows-what that is in commercial formula.

"the experts" say that it is impossible to make homemade formula that is good for your baby, but i think that is a load of crap.



1:26pm

the saga of the fucking toe.


i'm at my wit's end about my toe.
a year ago i dropped a bowling ball on my toe.
i lost the nail and when it grew back it became ingrown.
2 weeks ago i went to a podiatrist and had the sides of the nail clipped off.
the dr. gave me 3 shots of novocaine in my toe to do this.
i was supposed to go back to see her last week for a follow up but i just could not deal with it because #1 i am so tired and busy and #2 my toe was still swollen and a bitch to walk and and #3 i was scared she was going to say she had to give me yet another shot in my toe and do something to it, like lance it, in order to get the swelling to go down and, frankly, i just cannot deal with that.
i was a total wimp about getting my toe clipped in the 1st place and pretty much screamed, cried and hyperventilated.

i just cannot handle anyone touching or cutting my toe one more time.
i just want to cry again.

this has been a year long ordeal.
i haven't been able to properly walk for a year.
sometimes i am not able to walk at all.

i am truly at my wit's end.

the swelling in my toe will nto goe down.
it fel like a gigantic water blister way underneath my entire toe on the bottom.
i don't know what to do about it or how to get the swelling to go down.

it's not leaking or anything. tehre is no discharge.
it doesn't seem to be infected where she cut my nail.
and where she cut it appears to be healing just fine.

its' just that where she gave me a shot at the bottom of my toe is totally swollen and filled with some sort of liquid.

i keep my foor elevated as much as possible and put ice on it and soak it.
but other than that i don't know what to do.

it is better than it was last week. but now it seems to just stay the same day in and day out.
i wake up and the sweeling is down but by the end of the day it is all swollen again because i just cannot lay in bed all day with my foot elevated.

i know i should go back to the doctor and ask her about it.
but seriously what can she do?

i'm so afraid she is going to tell me she has to put another shot in my foot so she can cut my toe ro something to let the fluid out.
and i'm so afraid of the pain of that and afriad even more that this will not even help and maybe even make things worse.

i don't know what to do.

i have missed so much of life because of this fucking toe.

i have missed spring, summer, and now fall.
i have missed going on walks and excercising.
i have missed going out to things.
i haven't been able to wear any shoes or boots.
i cannot walk.
i cannot do ANYTHING.

my body is going to hell.

i'm crying now as i type this because i am so frustrated and sad.

i wanted to take lili out for halloween and now i am afraid i am now going to also miss halloween.
i limp around everywhere.
i'm so hunched over.

god, i don't know what to do.
all of this started LAST halloween.

i just want to die.

Current Mood: crushed


+++

Baby Registry:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/baby/3BKBUJCBUDKXC