sept 28, 2007
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i still have my cold and i think i may have given lili a tiny little cold :(
she was sniffling more than usual this morning, she has such a snorty little pug face, she is always making wuffly wozzly noises as it is (cutest noises evah.)
if she does have a cold, she did not seem to mind.
it is a very mild cold, but still, not at all pleasant. i am even more wiped out than usual.

so lili is at grandma's again. it's becoming a friday tradition to go to garndma's on fridays or saturdays and have "the spa treatment" :)

m should be home from work soon. he will be surprised to find lili gone. i hope he will not be too sad.

i finally got this medela nipple shield thing. i had ordered one a month ago and it never arrived. so i ordered another one and i got it last night.
if is this silicone thing that attaches to your breast/nipple that makes an artifical nipple over your nipple to help babies with latch problems.

like lili cannot latch because she pushes my nipple out with her tongue as she sucks so i cannot get my nipple in her mouth.
even a bottle you really have to shove in her mouth because she doesn't open her mouth very wide and then pushes things out with erh tonue, even tho her suck is VERY strong.

so this morning i thought to try it out.
first off, how in the heck is the thing supposed to stay on???
it says you can wet it to make it adhere to your skin better, but that sure did not work. the thing was sliding all over the place and coming off.

plus lili is a wiggle monster and even more so today...so the combination of her wiggling like mad and then this shield slipping all over just made trying the thing out impossible.

but for the few seconds it did work, she did get milk out of me and into her mouth via this thing.
a few drops.
but i had to stop doing it because she was hungry and crying and this nipple shield thing was not going to work out right then and there.

it was very frustrating and i don't know if i will be able to find the patience to figure out if i can make this thing work.
plus, it's not even something you can use forever, i won't go into the details because it's too boring.
and just too frustrating.
and thinking about it makes me feel despair.

i'm just glad i can feed her my milk with a bottle. i'm glad i can make milk and get it to her.
but i do feel quite a loss about not being able to breastfeed her.

although (i tell myself) maybe breastfeeding is over-romanticized.
*sigh*

and it is nice that she takes a bottle so i can have night off when she goes to grandma's. and also nice that m can feed her.
but ya...i'd like to breastfeed her.
i feel there is an exchange of energy that goes beyond food that we are both not getting.

i'm going to attempt to write my birth story down tonight.
at least try and start it.

i hear the wind whistling through my window.
it was a nice day today but i missed it, as i have missed just about every single nice day outside since i got pregnant.

 

 

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Baby Registry:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/baby/3BKBUJCBUDKXC