august 18, 2007

IMAGES

11:53pm

M is going to take more time off work.

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am going to look around the house for things to sell on ebay so we can afford that.

i feel sooooooooooooooo relieved!
i was not ready for him to go back to work so soon.

order in the universe is restored.

 

6:26pm

the dogs seems strangely unphased by lili, as if she is hardly even here.
how odd :)

11:29am

today elaine is bringing home deiter and pooka.
and then we are going to bring back sebastian at a late date.
i want to take it slowly with the dogs.

elaine is bringing them around 2:30pm

i am psyched to see them because i have missed them but also have a knot in my stomache about it because of the extra work they bring and i hope i can deal.

i just don't know how it is all going to fit together.

and M goes back to work on tuesday and i am totally upset about that.
i wish we could afford to have him stay home for awhile longer.
legally, he has 3 more weeks.
i cry about it every day because it's such an awful thing for him to have to go back to work right now.
i need him here. i don't feel ready.
massive anxiety.
and then with the dogs on top of it.
i hope i can cope.

it's a rainy day and i've been up for hours.
feeding her, diapering her, holding her, pumping milk, doing laundry, trying to run to the kitchen and eat little things when she settles down for 5 minutes.
m was up with her all nigth and i wonder how this is going to work when he goes back to work.
he usually takes care of her at night and me in the mornings.
but how can he take care of her at night when he has to sleep for work?
but how can i take care of her alllllll night and alllll morning and allllll afternoon?
seriously!
wtf?
how do people deal with this?

in brighter news, this morning was really lovely with the rain.
i lit a candle and lili was staring at it with delight and i was holding her and it was a truly magical moment. i cried about that , too, because i just can't believe she is really my own little daughter and i love her so much.
her facial expressions and body language are so complex i am in awe of her.
she loves when i say "ohhhhhh!" i showed this to M and he makes the "ohhhh" sound, too and when we do her eyes get SO wide and she just looks at us in bewilderment and amusement.

she makes sounds that sound like a cross between a miniature cartoon horse and a dolphin, which is why we call her the seahorse.
she makes such sounds when she dreams.
all her parts are so tiny.

we got a "new" washer and dryer yesterday because our washer bit the dust.
the "new" one is rather loud.

also they had to fix my window again because it was falling apart. good to have these things fixed.

zap mama has a new cd out and i need to get it.

my ipod broke :(
i thought it needed a new docking cable so i bought a new one but that did not fix it.
it's the actual ipod that is broken.
i have no idea what to do with it.
it won't turn on.

this makes me so sad.

 

 

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Baby Registry:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/baby/3BKBUJCBUDKXC