| june
7, 2007 |
||
6:00pm
i am insanely tired. and i am trying
not to take any more tylenol pm to sleep which makes me sleep even less but
i am so so so sick of tylenol pm. and it makes my restless leg syndrome worse,
too.
i got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night.
lili is either bigger or has moved to a different place slightly because starting
a day ago she found new ways to kick me in places i did not even know existed
inside of me.
i cannot even explain what it feels like except for you cannot sleep when
it is happening or find any good position to be in.
sometimes it just makes me cry out.
mostly it doesn't really hurt as much as it is just very startling, intense
and uncomfortable.
i watch her little limbs (that have very strong bones now) move across my
abdomen.
it's sort of like having the worst gas you've ever had in your life except
it's BONES and they keep getting bigger and there is no relief from it.
it's very hot and humid today. i am soooo glad i have air conditioning because
if i didn't i would lost it even more.
the thing that gets me through is i know it will probbaly not be much longer.
there is an end in sight. and every day i make it through this is one day
closer to having my body back.
at least having it back in a way that there is not another person INSIDE of
me.
i know my body will still be hers once she is out because i will ahve to breastfeed
ever 2 or 3 hours around the clock for god knows how long.
it's hard for me to imagine that i am not going to be getting much sleep for
a long time.
it sucks.
but i think that after she is born at least the hours i do get will be of
better quality than they are now.
at least i hope so.
last night was the last birth class.
i am happy that is over with. it will make for some funny memories to look
back on but that's about it.
what a strange thing that was to participate in.
it seems my appearance it becoming more and more slovenly by the week. when
i finally have my body back and can wear my clothes again i swear i am going
to burn all the clothes i wore during my pregnancy.
no more sweat pants and slippers.
and god i need to find the $ SOMEHOW to go to hairpolice and get my hair done.
I HATE MY HAIR.
and i want my toe to be healed so i can wear my kick ass boots again. i need
my big rock star hair and big boots.
dammit.
i need a massage and a spa treatment and a makeover.
i've been pregnant for 8 months now.
32 weeks.
i just have to make it to 37 weeks and i will be officially full term and
i can concentrate on going into labour. if i ahve any say in the matter...which
i don't. i just ahve to wait and let nature take it's course i know.
i am so scared that i am going to go into labour in the 36th week for some
reason.
i don't know if it is illegal to have a homebirth at 36 weeks because that
would be a technically premature baby, but i know that if i went into labourin
the 36th week i would most likely be made to go into a hospital.
and i don't want to do that and i CAN'T AFFORD IT.
so in that 36th week i am going to be paranoid and just lay rrreeallly low
and just say "lili just stay in there for 7 more days!"
having said that, maybe i will not go into labour until 42 weeks. it could
happen.
i was so sad to wake up today and see that my checking accout was overdrawn
by $20. fuck.
we are so poor right now.
i thought i ahd $60 extra. i mean i DID.
and so i went and bought some fruit, yogurt, eggs, and cokes last night because
we were really out of food.
i spent a little less than $50.00, i think.
and then a $30 bill i did not foresee was taken out also last night, and wham,
that put me under.
fffffffffffuck.
and so now i am going to be charged
34.00 for that.
and i hope it will just be the ONE grocery bill that will bounce and not my
rent cheque too!
because if that happens the landlord will charge me 90 more dollars and the
bank will charge me another 34.
and there is just no $ coming in to cover that at all.
and it sucks so hard to be in this financial position.
the gas in M's car right now is on empty and he drove to work on that today
and he only has $5 to his name for a week.
so i'm not quite sure how we are going to swing things this week.
by the grace of god go i.
thank goodness that there are people
who are still buying us things from our baby registry here and there.
we are slowly getting all the things we need.
if it weren't for that, we would be so up the creek.
and we're getting really NICE things, too!
lili is getting some very nice receiving blankets and clothes and we now have
10 of those mommy's touch all in one diapers which ROCKS.
we just need about 5 more and we'll be set on those, i imagine.
i did put wayyyyy too amny toys on the registry the other day.
so far no one has bought her toys, except i did buy her a little stuffed pink
puppy.
but she doesn't really need any toys for awhile, so i am not sweating that.
but you should go look at the toys i put because they are just so darn cool,
i think :)
lots of wooden german ones. well made, sturdy, luscious.
the kind you would save for the rest of your life. at least i would if i would
have had toys like that.
it's the kind you would keep and put on your bookshelf to look at when you
got older. or hand down to your children. they are just that nice :)
i took most of the plastic ones off that will eventually break and put lots of good 'ol wood ones on. it took awhile to track them all down. but once you find a good manufacturer you can find the motherlode.
who knows what kind of toys she will
like really.
but i can't imagine her not liking those.
they are classics.
and i have to get her stripes the long eared bunny:
ok i must eat now and then i am going to watch the reality tv show where people
pretend to be pirates (again).
arrrrrrr.
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baby registry!
I thought you might like to know that I have created a Baby Registry at Amazon.com. You can find it anytime by searching for my name at http://www.amazon.com/babyregistry.
Best Wishes,
ana voog and matthew bruce
You can see ana voog and matthew bruce's entire Baby Registry at:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/baby/3BKBUJCBUDKXC
ok, here it is!
if you can think of anything else that would be good for me to add, let me
know :)
if you find a better price for things or want to buy it somewhere else or simply send something else or give us a gift of money (yes!!! $ will go to buy fuzzi bunz cloth diapers and medical costs)
please send to:
ana voog
p.o. box 76152
saint paul, MN
55175
make cheques and money orders
out to:
rachael olson (my legal name) or matthew bruce
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http://www.ana2.com/private/2cams.shtml
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