| february
27, 2007 |
||
another sleepy grey cold day.
just trying to keep on keeping on.
the dogs are sleepy. i am sleepy. everyone is sleepy.
i would really like a large coffee mocha latte.
i am really starting to feel EXTRA
full and puffed out after i eat. i can feel my uterus growing, pushing my
bladder, stomache and lungs.
the baby is taking over my insides.
if i even eat a small meal my stomache protrudes way out and i have a harder
time breathing. the top of my uterus i can feel is just an inch below my belly
button.
it is 18 weeks old now.
i don't understand how women eat or breathe at 7 or 9 months.
i would also like a full body massage and an ultrasound.
maybe someone will buy me an ultrasound for my birthday.
i found out yesterday my pap smaer
didn't turn out completely normal. i have some sort of thing that is really
common that is like a small yeast infection and it happens when the ph balance
or something gets whacked out in there.
this most often happens because of sexual intercourse.
(with a new person especially)
so yes, M's sperm has whacked out some delicate balance in me, and it's not
a big deal and i don't even notice it except that after sex i have notived
i will smell more like fish until i take a bath.
so, i need to go to the drugstore and get some medication for this and take
it for 5 days. yay.
and it's something i have to stick up me like some sort of cream. so no sex
for me until i get this stuff and have taken the stuff. so we had a quickie
this morning and i guess that will be that until i get this stuff.
it can't be transmitted to the male. it's not like a transmittable thing.
it's just a thing where something goes off balance in me because the sperm
kill off some healthy bacteria that are supposed to be there to restore things.
and now that i have gotten my blood
taken, i shouldn't be anxious for the results because i don't THINK i have
anything serious like HIV...but still...it makes me a little anxious since
i've not actually ever been tested for that before.
and that's a pretty heavy thing to be tested for.
so until i get the results back i won't be totally at ease, although my instincts
tell me that everything si totally fine.
and i look forward to seeing what blood type i am.
i've always been interested to know that since m mom is type O negative.
and i don't look forward to seeing how much all this bloodwork is going to
cost. a pretty penny to be sure.
people still write me some nice emails
about me being pregnant and that helps. i worry. i wish i had a window into
my uterus.
some people still see it their moral duty to write me and tell me that i will
be the worst mother on earth and should be ashamed of myself and i will fuck
up my child for life.
here is a bizzare thing i found on the net today:
"Having been a person that Ana has used for her own selfish "marketing" she is evil and selfish. She will use this baby for her own selfish reasons. She does not care about this baby. It is only a tool to further herself in her own delusional world. She drinks like a filthy fish when she isn't shoving toy dolls/cars/dice up her snatch for the interwebs to view. Whoever called her a human being is confused and is mistaken. They don't know the real person behind Ana Voog. Rachel Olsen is a drugged up lying theif whore. She is a drug addict/alcoholic and they lie and steal for their own game. She has mental issues and is so wrapped up in herself she will never ever get get help either. It is a tragedy that she got knocked up. This poor child has no chance. And to all you that enable her, either you are just as messed up and lost as she is or have no clue.
»» Submitted by onewhoknows at 3:17 PM on February 20
can't even spell my name right.
"onewhoknows".
umm ya.
"the interwebs"?
it's probably just the guy who freaked out on me the other day and i banned
him from my mailing list and blocked his email.
i am really not looking forward to having a child in the "limelight"
even tho it is a small limelight at that. (what is a "limelight"
anyway?")
i swear if i end up taking even ONE photo of this child and posting it ANYWHERE
i will be crucified as taking advantage of my child for commercial reasons.
oh joy.
but you know what? i'm going to take photos of my child and share them here
and there. it's only normal.
they will be incorporated into my art, how could they NOT be?
everything in my life is. i can't just section off major parts of my life
and stick them into separate boxes. everything is going to moosh together
as it always does.
i won't be the 1st person in the world to have their child in their art or
take arty photos of their child, and i certainly won't be the last.
musicians have their children sing or play on their records, painters paint
their children or are inspired by them.
i'm sure my child will be my muse, just as much or of not THEE muse of my
life. i don't exactly see how this could not naturally happen and be a part
of natural, normal, healthy, every day life.
and vice versa.
i can't wait to see what my child creates with his or her life and be inpired
by it. and i hope i can inspire them , as well, in whatever they choose to
do.
but as far as CHOOSING to have a
child SOLELY for the purpose of "marketing" or something...that
is just insane.
it's weird for me to think anyone could actually think that.
because, obviously, that is a really bad idea!
why would i risk my very life, body, EVERYTHING just for a small amount of
marketing?
that is senseless.
if i wanted to take photos of children i certainly could have just become
a child photographer.
that would have been a much easier route, no?
yes, laying around, tired, not being able to breathe or eat certainly has
done WONDERS for my "evil marketing ploys".
i'm sure i'll just make MILLIONS when i have my child on cam (if it works
out that can happen and don't have to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency
c-section or something worse)
don't you know women giving birth are selling out U2 concerts?
heck if i get a few subscribers out of the deal i'm NOT going to beat myself
up...i think the birthing process without pain meds will be enough for me!
i WOULD be happy to get some subscribers from it....because i need to pay
for many many many things, the midwife...diapers...a breast pump..on and on
and on.
it's going to cost money!
and i think giving birth on cam will be very enlightening to many people.
i certainly have never witnessed a live birth. i've seen a few videos on google
now, but that's it.
so dang, ya, i think it will be a
mighty cool thing to broadcast!
i think it will be absolutely fascinating!
if the dicovery channel can do it, so can i, in my own way.
i would like to share something that real with people.
i don't see the crime in it.
+++
hear
matoog's heartbeat!
http://www.anacam.com/lj2007/matoogheartbeat022107.wav
+++
http://www.ana2.com/private/2cams.shtml
+++
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