| december
15th, 2006 |
||
1:37pm
hard to sleep. i get up early. valium
withdrawal.
i pull M out of bed so he will not be late.
he is dropped off the pups at fuzzy's before he went to work.
i got everything ready. dog food, xmas presents for fuzzy's family.
pushed M into the shower 'cause he has a hard time getting a move on.
read his horoscope that he would be horny today, and told him that when he
came out of the shower and he said he was actually feeling that way :)
so gave hinm a quickie for a good send doff into retail land :)
he doesn't get off work until 11:30pm! jeez.
today i'm doing laundry. making this anagram.
gonna get everythnig ready to leave tonight for his parent's in south dakota.
he loves to drive at night. we'll listen to c2c on the way.
i hope it's a good one tonight.
bringing my camera.
i'll be home on sunday sometime.
i hope i will not be too irritated with my valium withdrawal at his parent's.
nervous.
i wish i could stop thinking about being pregnent even for a second.
i even dream about it.
i'm really geting tired of being hyper aware of it.
but i have a feeling it's just going to stay this way and continue to get
even worse as time progresses.
because when i start to really look and feel pregnant, then how can i NOT
think about it?
it's hard to under stand that i am the vessel right now that is connecting
the spirit world with the physical.
my body literally is turning spirit into flesh.
i am the mediatrix. the portal between worlds.
i am a resurrection bio-machine.
i think this birth process is going to change me in ways i cannot even comprehend
right now.
i'm terrified that this being will have to come out of me SOMEHOW.
whether pushed out a small hole, or cut from my belly.
there is no way around it.
i fear death in this process of birth.
it is dangerous.
who is this in me?
what are they doing right now?
what lives have they lead previously?
what will they teach me and how i will i teach them?
teach them about the sun and earth and seasons and how everything is connected.
teach them aboutt their body and spirit.
about the time they are born into and the troubled things going on.
teach them about love and hate and fear and joy.
communication and art.
rivers, clouds, and all possibilities.
history, future, nutrition.
will they want to paint?
will they be a creative type or not?
what will they make of themselves and how do i fit into it all?
who is this in me?
why did they choose me to be their mother?
who is this in me?
will they make it out in one piece?
will i?
+++
horoscopes from: