| december
6th, 2006 |
||
5:38pm
i didn't take a nap.
i cleaned and ate some chicken.
i'm tired as all heck.
it's driving me NUTS that i don't
know EXACTLY how many days pregnant i am.
i want to know!
am i one week pregnant or 6 weeks pregnant???
arrrrrgh.
the suspense is making me crazy.
according to this i have something looking like a reptile in me:
http://www.drfakeehhospital.com/main_files/eng_home/birth_calc.htm
but we had sex so many times how do i know which actual day was the "one"?
3:26pm
many words to come.
i must remember to write down the dream about the house.
and also a breakthrough i had last night re: sex.
but right now i'm tired as heck, and i'm going to try and eat something then
take a nap.
i woke up all early today with an anxiety attack.
i'm better now.
3:00pm
cervix!
oo, last night i just felt my cervix
for the 1st time in the bathtub and i told M to come in and feel and he felt
it, too :)
i have felt the cervix before but not the actual opening.
but i felt it and so did he! HOW EXCITING!
i always thought the cervix was like
this tiny button the size of a dime.
but no, it's round and smooth and is slighly bigger than a goft ball.
or maybe a small apple with a belly button.
neat :)
---
thw thing inside me probably looks
like this now:
a blastocyst. it's hollow inside :)
---
lili shekina voog
now i am leaning towards this name because shekina is such a powerful word
so needed today.
in the tree of life it is represented as malkuth, or earth (the kingdom)
a bit about shekina (so many spelling, too), although it's hard to define:
"The Jewish-Kabbalistic version of Shakti; the female soul of God. The idea was the God could not be complete, whole, until he was united with her. The Kabbalists believed that it was God’s lost of his Shekina which brought about evil. From the Hebrew Shekina means "dwelling place," giving the concept that God had no "home" without her. Like her Tantric counterpart Shakti, the Sh’kina was the source of all "soul" in the universe. The Gnostic Christians of the fourth century spoke of Sh’kina as a "spirit of glory" in who Beings of Light lived, as children in their mother’s body or home. Mani referred to the Aeons of sh’kinas or female spirits of the sacred year.
The Kabbalists taught that it was essential to bring the male and female cosmic principles together once more, which could possibly be achieved through sexual magic, signifying the union of the sun (man) and the moon (woman), which was graphically expressed by the hexagram. Philosophically the Kabbalists were saying the supernal mother Shekina is manifested in the earthly mother, with whom her husband should lie on the Sabbath, because "all the six days of the week derive their blessing" from this coupling. Rabbi Eliahu di Vidas said, "Who has not experienced the force of passionate love for a woman will never attain to the love of God."
Jewish mystics claimed the "outer garment" of the Shekina is the Torah, "Holy Law." Man becomes a Bridegroom of the Torah by study, symbolized in erotic imagery. He has to court her as he would a beautiful maiden. "She begins from behind a curtain to speak words in keeping with his understanding, until very slowly insight comes to him." The Shekina as the "Indwelling One" might be compared to the Latin I-dea, or Goddess Within. "She opens the door of her hidden chamber ever so little, and for a moment reveals her face to her lover, but hides it again forthwith…He alone sees it and is drawn to her with his heart and soul and his whole being."
As man requires his Shekina for his enlightenment, so God requires his Shekina for his wisdom and creativity. This is a crucial tenet of Kabbalism"
God also spoke to Moses through the
'shekhinah' out of a burning bush. For references made to it during the wilderness
wanderings, see Exodus 14:20; 40:34-38; Leviticus 9:23, 24; Numbers 14:10;
16:19, 42.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shekhinah
In Kabbalistic cosmology, Malkuth is the tenth and final Sphere (sephira) of divine emanation. The word Malkuth means kingdom, or throne, and is the plane of material existence.
which is serendipitious because calling
the child "earth" was at the top of my list
(yes, i'm such a hippy)
but this changes daily and i have a gazillion names written down.
actually if i drop the voog and only call her lili shekina her numerology is pretty intense
inner-33
outer- 22
path- 55
all master numbers, wow!
malkuth
+++
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