| december
2, 2006 |
||
9:18pm
lily kali voog
now i am leaning towrds this name.
numerologically (pythagorean), it seems to be good.
path of destiny = 60/6
inner personality = 38/11/2
outer personality = 22/4
who knows, i change my mind daily.
i can't help but think about it.
4:47pm
i slept until 4:30pm.
i'm so tired and very very very very nervous.
my breasts are so sore.
i call my mom everyday and talk to her.
all i can say to calm myself down is "one day at a time" and "nothing
is set in stone"
i am still so early in my pregancy that anything could happen, not to sound
dire.
i've decided that i can get a ton of baby stuff from places like the salvation
army.
and i can make my own baby food in the blender.
i'm not going to let me child watch tv and defintely not surf the computer
without supervision..
i know i'm putting the cart before the horse here and getting ahead of myself
which is what 'causes me to have such anxiety.
it sounds like if i have the baby underwater i cannot have drugs to help with
the pain.
so screw that. maybe i can find a hospital with a happy medium.
my mom says maternity wards are nothing like they used to be and some are
very beautiful with soothing music and such.
not like i am going to be paying much attention to my surroundings while in
the middle of birth.
but i will surround myself with flowers.
and there will be NO harsh flourescent lighting.
my mom says it makes good sense to have it in a hospital in case anything
goes wrong, they have all the medical equipment there.
i guess i will have to turn the thing room into a nursery, which i don't know
how i will do.
i really don't want to move out of my apartment. but then again, i have to
take one day at a time and i am getting too ahead of myself.
i really want an old victorian white whicker pram.
my mom says she buy me some things like a crib and a car seat thing. and a
changing table.
i need to go get some prenatal vitamins.
i should buy a book about this but i don't know which one.
i also need to start excercising, like yoga.
i am still wondering how to do this on cam.
i would like to give birth on cam.
i go back and forth about what kind of diapers to use.
regular reuseable cloth ones, or huggies.
diapers are soooo expensive.
i figure that in these 9 months i
better make a record.
because god only knows when i'll have time afterwards.
i'm going to have to cram a lot on in 9 months.
also if i give birth to my baby in a different country, does it get dual citizenship?
there is so muchh to know and figure out it makes my mind spin.
the cam thing freaks me out because
i don't want to show on cam giving my baby a bath and the next thing i know
i'm having my child taken away from me for child endangerment or something.
and i'll definitely breast feed on cam which is going to make some people
freak at me.
but i don't care about that part because breastfeeding is a natural thing
that should not be hidden away.
so many questions...one day at a time...
so far i feel "normal"
just my breasts hurt.
no nausea or weird cravings.
placenta recipes!
http://www.geocities.com/virtualbirth/placenta.html
11:14am
+++
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