| december
1, 2006 |
||
6:28pm
today i was terrified of being preganant.
it changes hourly.
M woke up nervous with a stomache ache.
i was in the same predicment.
my "mantra" is:
"one day at a time and nothing is set in stone."
im terrfied, excited, terrified.
i want my life to be my own,
i know this will change if i have it.
will i still be able to do my art?
how much am i going to be "crucified" for still having my cam?
a million questions, all intense beyond intense.
i'm scared, but as with eveything i will face it like a lion.
M and i are on the same page about many things.
no public school!
i want to have it underwater but give me DRUGS.
so many things to consider.
i'll buy many things at the salvation army.
i am so emtional.i feel like crying ever 1/2 an hour.
i WILL be a good mom, tho.
if fate should have her and bring her to full term.
lili grace, i think.
matt and i will decide.
please send me good wishes, i need them much.
thank god my mom and i are talking again.
i would have a difficult time without her.
she is invaluable for this
*tears*
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