| november
30, 2006 |
||
thank you all for all of the advice
about the lawyer.
the thing is, i am not "formally charged" with anything.
when i go to court and IF i am formally charged THEN i will get a lawyer.
believe me, i do not have any plans to represent myself without a lawyer :)
no sense rigth now to get a lawyer when if i do not even know if i will be
formally charged with anything.
they might throw this whole thing out of court.
but i definitely might get a lawyer to sue their asses for what they did to
me.
6:20pm
SO I'M PREGNANT...
everything happens for a reason, i believe.
i took another test this morning and it was even darker then the last.
i'll take each day at a time...
nothing i can do but that.
M and i have decided we will have it.
i couldn't live with myself to have an abortion, although i am 100% pro choice.
i'd just always wonder for the rest of my life "what if?"
i wanted to call her lily (or lili) if it's a girl, and strangely without
me even saying this M said he should call her lily, and without saying anything
to my mom she said "if it's a girl, call her lily"
so it seems a person named lily really wants to make it through.
several months ago, after some intense sex with M, i even said to him "lili
says hi"
if it's a boy, we are leaning towards gabriel.
but all of this could change hourly.
the child will have my last name, and even M is considering changing his last
name to mine instead of vice versa, as is the usual custom.
and , of course, not to be dire, but i'll wait and see if i can carry this
being full term to life.
a lot of stuff can happen in 9 months....
cross your fingers for me.
if you have any good names here,
tell me.
i'm always open to cool names.
in 2 weeks more it will have grown veins and it's heartbeat will echo my own!
i know exactly when i got pregnant. it was the night of thanksgiving and during the intermission of cleopatra (with elizabeth taylor), we had sex that was transcendental. and i felt him like an arrow shooting into my core, and i was like the earth swirling the energy round and round like the earth's magnetic field and he was the core/pole. i knew something special happened then. but i certainly did not expect this.
it was very much like this:
it was conceived with pure love (and lust!)
i'll see a doctor about getting off all or some of my medications.
+++
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