today's anagram

october 9th , 2006
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10:23pm

grr, it drives me mad when my can stops working!
hours and hours of lost material....
gah.

6:22pm

random thoughts for no reason

i want a gold tooth like a pirate.

i think people with gaps between their 2 front teeth are sexy, like david letterman and sandra bernhard.

i have a thing about teeth. it's the 3rd thing i check on a person, 1st being the eyes, the 2nd being the shoes, 3rd is teeth, 4th is fingernails and hands.
you can know a lot about a person by observing these 4 things.

when i come my orgasms are white
sometimes orange

my favourite flower are white peonies

i prefer roses to be yellow

lilacs make me sad but i adore them to pieces

i mark my life points by when i see the 1st dandelion, when i see the 1st robin, when i see the 1st monarch butterfly,
and when the smell of fall comes and the then the snow squeaks, although tho snow doesn't squeak much anymore

i find the sound of bowed cymbals to be the most unbearable noise in the entire universe, second only to leaf blowers and lawn mowers.

i don't find children singing to be particularily charming

i can't stand for anyone to watch me brush my teeth.

i hate when people "fake" being "into" a song by nodding their heads, whistling nervously to it, or drumming on things all of out of time with the song.

i hate saliva.

i love to burp but have never made an effort to burp on purpose.

i love pigeons and squirrels and i can't understand why some people don't

i run on solar power

i don't think i could eat a brain taco, but i might try.

i love black licorice altoids but cannot find them anymore.

i cannot stay in a place with bad lighting for a long period of time.

some rocks are friendlier than others

i broke a bone once

i like rust

i'm addicted to lip balm

i am a compulsive nose powderer

i can smell when people are depressed or angry or uptight.

i dislike wearing mascara

i would eat sushi every day if i could

there nothing finer than a nice pen except a good fried egg sandwhich

the beach boys are overrated

i don't get off on poetry much, but if i like it i really like it.

pumpkins are comforting

i love the smell of old houses

whenever i watch jesus christ superstar it makes me cry

i don't watch it often

i support the NRA

i only like telephones with rotary dials

i make the soup and the string

scissors are my friend

i love the pooka dog

if you try to tickle me i will punch you with all my might.
it's my natural reflex to do so.

if you continue to tickle me anyway, you will be on my bad side

i love the smell of limestone

i rarely ever do anything to intentionally piss anyone off

i have an eagle feather

i keep it with my pens

i'm picky about shades of blue and green.

i don't like it when other people touch my guitars

to be bored is the worst torture in the world

bubbles are usually always a good thing

i can't tell the difference between a "good" wine and a "bad" wine

i always squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom

i've never used a coupon

i like the flavour "blue"

marbles in sunlight is my 1st memory

5:26pm

big sad eyes

M and i were pondering as to why we are so attracted to big sad eye things.
like cute sad puppy eyes.
or even cuite at all...what is it about it that causes such a yearning, a longing, a "love", a sort of comfort and joy yet also painful at the same time.
like whrn something is so damn cute you can barely stand it.
you can feel your heart just crushing in and expanding all at once.

what is this?
why do we have this reaction to that particular visual stimuli?
what does it mean, what is it for?
M came up with some good ideas. but i want to see what you say.

but there it all is. everyone has it.
either that or a terrible averssion to it, usually almost violently.

why does "cute" and "big sad eyes" have so much power?

the keane paintings, and now mark ryden. the blythe dolls.
the reamergence of all of this...
it strikes a chord in us again.
whenever i walk my dogs everyone's eyes light up.
no matter what age, race, sex, finanicial status...
the cute eyes of my dogs transcend all barriers and are known in all "languages"

and i think it's more than just "innocence" or "purity"
it is something even deeper. a longing for safety or something...

4:44pm

syd barrett's house

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spda7SEko30

can/would anyone make an animated gif from syd singing "what can't you see?" (the 2nd time)
from 2:26 to 2:34....

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bhJYqa_htCY
in this video for arnold layne?
i would love that as my lj user icon :)
but i don't know how to take that bit of the video out and make an animated gif from it.

i would also like a big version of it.

4:41pm

synaesthesis
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia

i think i have this to some degree.
i am interested especially in:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinal_linguistic_personification

where numbers, letters, dates, months, times, etc, actually are perceived as having personalities.

for instance the http://www.47.net/47society/
reports that they vew the number 47 as particularily playful and surprising.

this made sense to me.
and as i've studied numbers and alphabets from all over the world i find each has their own "personalities" or "chords"
in fact, every object i come across has some sort of "personality" to it whether it be a rabbit or a pencil.
like certain types of wood have different tones and chords in it.
with my wooden crochet hooks i feel this especially so, it almost feels like a magic wand which will in some way get it's personality into whatever i am crocheting.
and then whatever fiber i am workign with adds it's own voice, and then the colours and textures each add theirs as, well, and then the time of day and who i am at that time and how i am feeling all go into it , as well.

like how some songs i can only listen to at night. and some i can only listen to in winter, and some are only for summer.

M wondered yesterday if this had something to do with many languages making each object masculine or feminine.
like french and spanish.

i am wondering if anyone else sees personalities in numbers or letters?
do you feel one is particularily cranky?
and one is more friendly than the other?

i think i have this to some degree.
i am interested especially in:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinal_linguistic_personification

where numbers, letters, dates, months, times, etc, actually are perceived as having personalities.

for instance the http://www.47.net/47society/
reports that they vew the number 47 as particularily playful and surprising.

like how some songs i can only listen to at night. and some i can only listen to in winter, and some are only for summer.

M wondered yesterday if this had something to do with many languages making each object masculine or feminine.
like french and spanish.

i am wondering if anyone else sees personalities in numbers or letters?
do you feel one is particularily cranky?
and one is more friendly than the other?

like i have never really liked the letter B, much. it feels too constipated.
and T scares me but intrigues me, and O can be very nourishing but also very scary if you are not ready for it.
i don't like the letter L when it is capitalized like that, but if it is done in cursive, i love it and feel it is expressing itself better.
this way feels unforgiving:
<img src="http://www.objects-of-design.com/UploadImages/ProductImages/ThumbImages/Letter-L-140.jpg"
this way feels like it is making a way for you
<img src="http://www.handwritingforkids.com/handwrite/cursive/animation/images/animation_l00.gif"

i think we are missing out a lot by typing so much that cursive will die and along with it's "other story".
and to write the letter L is different than typing it or reading it.
just as listening to a song is not the same as singing one.

perhaps this is why stories were told by mouth throughout the ages and not written down. because the very act of telling the story yourself changes you somehow. brings that energy into you.

certain alphabets are more lively and expressive than others, and i find the roman one we use right now in the west to be particularily harsh and guarded. whereas with the hewbew alphabet it lets you in and tells you a story.

maybe the reason L scares me so much is it so much like a 4.
and 4's seem like weapons. which is sad because 44 is my life lesson, but put together it makes the happy 8.
however, i know i don't want to take the easy way out, i want to really know the formidable 44 and it's "child" 4.

does anyone else see personalities in things this way?

i was laughing the other day because raggedyrobot changed her lj name to be:

"Galeanthropy: the delusion that one has become a c"

and i thought , ohmigod how imaginative to think you ARE the letter C.
the actual letter itself.

when i looked it up it is actually the delusion one has become a cat :)

but i like the delusion that one has become a C even better.

of you could BE a letter of the alphabet for a day, which one would you pick and why?

also S and Z seem to be 2 sides of the same coin.
yet they constantly fight.

i don't think people give N enough credit.
x, o, nd z are have numerous adorers.
i think more study needs to be placed on N and H.
and i think the i has been completelty misrepresented so much so that it is now about as effective as the word "love"
W has just about taken over and needs to be Watched :)
M is a double U that watches the W.
T is very cross :) haha :(
(sorry i had to say it, and it's so true! especially the lowercase t)

if you think this sounds particularily nuts, consider this:

This picture is used as a test to demonstrate that people may not attach sounds to shapes arbitrarily: A remote tribe calls one of these shapes Booba and the other Kiki. Decide which is which and then click the link to check your answer.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BoobaKiki.png

12:46pm

my soup turned out well.
and the soybeans, too.
i'm sure you were all waiting on bended knee for THAT update :)
were you on the edge of your seats wondering?
HOW WAS THE SOUP???
i report back, it was a success.

i have been cranky for a few days because i have a yeast infection that will just not go away. too much information?
sorry.
after battling this for about a week or more, i am really fucking cranky about it. more than.
i thought i had it fixed with monistat (god, i hate that crap)
and then we had sex again and boom, i got it all over again.
so i am massively irritated.
men can get yeast infections, too,and show no symptoms of it, so it would seem that he has it, too, but we are just transferring it back and forth to each other.
i keep wondering if we should just abstain from sex for awhile and see if it rectifies itself on it's own, or if we should go through the ordeal of going to planned parenthood.
fucking sucks, no pun intended.
what also sucks is the planned parenthood here now does not give you an appointment. it's 1st come 1st serve. you have to call in on the day you want to get in and hope you can get in.
they do it that way because of so many cancelled appointments.

so do i just wait until wednesday when he has the day off and sit here in misery burning and itching hoping that on wednesday we can get in?
and how much will this cost?
i am SO low on cash flow it's not even funny.

it's a predicament.
meanwhile, i've had to endure days and days of mild to competeley unbearable itching and burning.
and no sex.
we just stare at each other wistfully and i go "ow".
i am not prone to yeast infections, either. i think this might be my 4th one i've ever had.
and i've never had such a bother trying to get rid of it.
it hurts to pee. it hurts as i'm sitting here typing.
and then i think, do i have a bladder infection on top of it?
it's hard to even tell anymore. it just all hurts.
and i'm so sick of being in pain in some way.
it seems it will flare up if even even THINK about sex.
like last night we had "simulated sex"
meaning i have my pants on and i get him off with my hand, which was very fun and i found it highly interesting how i could imagine him inside of me, and it was very cool to take in the energy of his orgasm in this new way.
not to get all hippy trippy on you, but he really makes me see visions and symbols and colours in my mind that are very aztec/mayan/hopi. and i really tuned in to the "power of the penis", for lack of a less hippy drippy term, and saw it's many symbols and forms layered and layered upon each other.
a penis, a rocket, and ear of corn (maze indeed), the fleur de lis, a phoenix rising from the flames, the multicoloured spectrum of that fire, and it's reaching up, ever up and up towards something it yearns for...
"to go beyond where no man has gone before..."
and while i am envokling star trek like a total nerd let me also tell you i saw the battlestar galactica emblem, as well, in this ensemble of manly sextacy :)
ha :)
and it was nice to recieve that "information" in a FRIENDLY way, finally. not like some sort of rocket with a death wish to obliviate the void, but as a very happy flowering thing that just wished to "be" MORE and KNOW things...for which we, women, hold that egg of kNOWledge, which is the perfect and imperfect void/chaos from which all things are born and then say "why?"
rinse and repeat.

i also "saw" our energy move in a figure eight pattern.

for M, i think his experience was that he just had a very nice orgasm :)
a 9 out of a 1 to 10 scale :)
i don't know why we rate his orgasms. it's like a fun game.
maybe i should start making a graph of it and see if there is a pattern.

my cold is , btw, gone.
so at least i can be thankful for THAT.

then, i was looking up syd barrett stuff, and happened upon his siter saying in an interview after his death that syd had
Synesthesia
and i actually was not even one bit insane.
interesting :)

here is an interesting quote from that page:

"One day," I said to my father, "I realized that to make an 'R' all I had to do was first write a 'P' and then draw a line down from its loop. And I was so surprised that I could turn a yellow letter into an orange letter just by adding a line."

—Writer Patricia Lynne Duffy, recalling an early experience.

then in my reading about that (which i had already read about but wanted to read further) i found out about:
Ordinal_linguistic_personification
which is absolutely WONDERFUL.

and this is very interesting:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BoobaKiki.png

so that is what i have been doing.
dealing with pain but just withstanding it and crocheting through it.
watching a lot of PBS documentaries about the pheonecians and death valley.
and discovering a new (for me) nonthreatening way to perceive male sexual energy and delight in it instead of seeing it as a weapon that is used against women, which is really about men feeling betrayed and afraid of their own bodies and projecting this fear, irrationally, onto women.
at least that is how i see it at this time.

in a way like this woman is projecting all the hate that is being spewed at her onto her unwanted fetus

which is a really fuct up situation and i feel really bad for her. and i wonder where is the man in this situation?
the whole thing makes me cringe and i know how she feels as i have also been called every single one of those names and had many emails and such telling me those exact same things just because i am a woman who decided to not be ashamed of her nudity and sexuality.

i had to disengage from that right away as it just all makes me too furious to withstand.

i'll let screaming from the void say it for me this time.

i'm glad i have a boyfriend now who is sexual with me in a totally nonthreatening way.
even tho he sometimes can do things which trigger past abuses, but which the 2 are completely unrelated.
it like the experiment where the dog starts to salivate if he hears the bell ring.
i have been conditioned and abused to see some very normal and healthy things become so twisted and dark, that now when i see them even being used in a healthy way, it is hard for me to unlearn not to feel threatened by it.

him masturbating , for example, is something i am currently working through. because in previous relationships masturbation become an act of abuse to me via it was a way to ignore me and not connect with me and make me feel that there was something wrong with myself, or that i was unworthy of even being jacked off into. which is what sex felt like most of my life, just basically being jacked off into.

and i know it's not supposed to be that way.
through all my turmoil i have kept the spark going somehow, way back in me, saying, this male energy CAN be used for GOOD, i just KNOW it.
how can it be channeled to be something positive rather than something so destructive, which is what is so prevalant today.

which screaming from the void said so well:

"You can’t pick up a paper without finding at least one story a day about a man killing or raping a woman. And we all know many more stories never make the paper. Why not? Becasue there wouldn’t be room, because they have “more important” things to report on, because it’s so common it isn’t considered newsworthy unless there is some special twist to it. Even in this list I know there are stories I have read over the last month that I can no longer find a headline on because they were considered so insignificant that they’ve been dropped! Men killing and raping women and girls is not news, it is common, everyday life we are supposed to politely overlook unless the story is shocking in some way, such as in the Shreveport case where the rapists were illegal immigrants and thus all illegal immigrants can be painted as dangerous criminals, or the victim is particularly young, or a man who killed his wife did so in public instead of decently killing her behind closed doors, or he killed their children as well.

When are they going to quit lying about how much they hate us?"

so ya, here are some things i am thinking about and going through.

and i would also like to reiterate as i do from time to time, that the photos i choose to archive are nto always photos i think you will be interested in, but photos i am interested in because they make me remember a particular moment i'd like to remember :)

it took me exactly one hour to type that!
it is now 1:46pm

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