| september
5th 2006 |
||
happy birthday HOWIEF!!!
8:55pm
i took some cool pix outside.
i get them up soon :)
M and i are going to watch Deadwood now.
5:08pm
it was the phone bill i needed to
pay. paid it.
i hope they come and fix my windows RIGHT AWAY because the guy who fixed everything
today and then went to inspect my windows totally fuct up my window by inpecting
it and now i can barely open or close it even an inch.
i hope i will even be able to close it.
grrrrrrr.
i saw when that thing that snapped off the window, it wasn't going to open
or shut right.
and sure enough, i'm right.
yes, if i had the strength of 10 gorillas i could open and shut it. but alas,
not so.
fuck.
anyway, i'm getting stuff done.
i took down all my friend's paintings she either gave me or i bought from
her because it makes me too sad to even look at them.
i am so beyond bewildered as to why she would just cut me out of her life
without a word, and then not even return my email.
god, it hurts.
i am considering whther or not i'd like to be a part of the sex worker's art
show again.
she posted in myspace in the comments section that they were taking applications
again.
i'm not sure they'd even want me back given that the technical difficulties
we had during it were extremely frustrating.
also, it's very draining to do.
but i also liked it , as well, and i need the money and now that i have M
i have a whole new angle to put on things, which is exciting for me.
i wonder if i have PMS. it seems each month i get it later and later instead
of earlier and earlier, as it should be, since you are supposed to get it
ever 28 days, it would seem that i should get mine a few days earlier each
month, not later as it has been.
i take this as a sign i must be going through that pre-monopausal stuff that
is supposed to start happening like a decade or something before you get actual
menopause.
god, i have no idea.
or it could just be stress.
probably stress.
although i did have a dream a few
nights ago that i took a pregnancy test and it was positive.
2 red lines instead of one.
but that same night i also dreamed that M was unable to have a child because
of some obstruction to his sperm.
so who the heck knows what's going on.
this happens every month now, this pregnancy paranoia thing.
if i AM pregant i have no doubt it will be a cyborg or a cyclops.
or quite likely poseidon or a basket of kittens.
it will probably have 6 arms and be able to do echo location.
or perhaps i'll just give birth to just another cigar smoking man.
god, it's really a nice day out there today.
i need more insect repellent.
imagine dying underwater almost immediately by a stingray puncturing your
heart.
i can't imagine it.
M got off work 22 minutes ago.
i still can't figure out my ipod.
nor the remote controls to my tv or vcr.
my dad hated my hair.
i could tell.
that's no new thing.
i think my mom kinda liked it.
she said she could take out my staples but she had no idea what that entailed.
she just likes to experiment with my head.
last night i vowed to give up beer,
and then , because i have a lightbulb in my fridge now, i discovered 2 more.
damn.
i took prozac the last 2 days.
i know it's supposed to take 2 weeks before it has any effect, but i swear
i can feel it right away.
all of a sudden i'm cleaning my house and being all talkative.
my mom gave me tomatoes, pears, and plums, and a lime.
she grew it, except for the lime.
my dad seemed crabby today?
was it because he was with my mom or because he was paying my rent?
my mom said he's just "that way"
but he's not like that at all when he is not with her.
my dad told me everything is fine, he's just getting old.
but i could tell it was something more.
my mom was so happy to see me.
she is so short.
it's so weird for me to hug anyone shorter than i am.
i gave them both a hug at the same time.
i don't recall that ever happening before.
and the last time i saw the 2 of them together was decades and decades ago.
yet it seemed perfectly normal.
i find that weird.
we all used to live in the same house and eat meatloaf.
how odd.
now i feel like crying but i'm happy, i think.
3:16pm
maintenance guy came over.
fixed the tub, the light switch, put in new lightbulbs everywhere.
now all i need fixed is my windows.
good to have some things fixed :)
now i have to add up the winners of photocontest and then do anacam biz.
and i'm making a small soup.
1:38pm
today, i got up around 11am and then
cleaned as fast as i could for the maintenance guys.
then i saw one downstairs and asked them when they were coming over and they
seemed to not know anything about coming over. *sigh*
at least my house is cleaner.
it's how and sunny, 80 degrees.
my dad AND my mom came over and met
me downstairs at 1pm.
my dad wrote me a cheque for rent *huge deep sigh of relief*
my mom gave me a bunch of food and fresh veggies.
maybe i'll make soup.
it's hot in here, tho 'cause it's hot outside and i also have the dryer on.
i've been so exhausted the last few days.
i haven't remembered my dreams for days.
i sort of remembered for a seconod this morning but now i've forgotten.
i wish i had a ton of energy, but i am one exhausted noodle.
it's exhausting to see both of my parents at once.
even tho they don't act disapproving i always feel they are anyway.
and now i don't if maintenance people are coming over not.
so i feel like i cannot really relax.
i have no attention span. like reading
a book, i just can't do it.
so tired but so wired at the same time.
i'm going to go eat something.
glad rent is paid.
and i have food.
i'll pay my electric bill today, too.
or phone or whatever it is i need to pay.
i can't even remember now.
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