today's anagram

august 10th , 2006
past anagrams	menu	utb

10:20pm

i was fearless and ripped my dreads apart that were fused together.
i just went for it and RIPPED them apart with all my might. it made a horrible sound.
it took a long time and and a lot of force and a lot of guts because i have NO idea if that was the right thing to do.
but it felt good to do it. my dreads are separated now.
now i really need all the loose fuzz tied in.
what an ordeal.
it's interesting, tho.
i'm too sleepy now to write anymore.
listening to 78's and eating sardine sandwhiches on pumpernickel and hot mustard.

4:44pm

updated my ipod with new songs but it then erased all my old ones which are on my old hardrive that i still need to get on this computer.
irritating.
listening to thom yorke's record in headphones which is a completely different experience than listening to it on crappy computer speakers.
so many sounds i didn't hear before.
the albums i am listening to right now are so vastly different from each other.
from the sorrowful, desperate, delicate egg that is thom yorke
to the elated, spirit healing and joyful zap mama
to the intense, self imploding, baroque and over the top muse
to the mellow, proud and sexy erykah badu

i guess that really shows the vastly different sides of me right now that are all colliding, mixing, and perculating. making a new voog soup.

what will it be?

4:13pm

i wish i could figure out my confounding ipod.

12:49pm

wow, so much to say! where do i begin?
seems i've made it through the black spell i was in there for awhile. was feeling self annilating and alienated. new love perculates all my emotions both good and bad.

but then M came over with a white flowers for me and yummy food like blueberries, yogurt, mashed potatoes and gravy, tuna sandwhiches, pumpernickel bread, pretzels, candles, and other goodies :)
i fell into his arms and had the best hug i've ever had in my life.
when he hugs it is so complete.
everything washed away.
i love him.
we balance each other.

then had a dream that adam any came to save me :)
haha :)
i can't believe i actually dreamt that.
it started out as a terrible dream. the usual being shot at by people i did not know. some sort of gang or mafia or something.
i was shooting back but none of them would die.
then finally they shot me and i pretended to die in order to not be shot anymore.
and they stuck me in the back of a pick up truck and covered me with a blue tarp and said "that bitch is dead".

and i thought, is this is what it is like to die?
is this is where i will die? like this? my body dead and stiff in the back of a pick up truck?

there was another gang car that was vintage, like something from the late 40's. i crawled onto it somehow and they tried to shake me off by swerving.
the curvedness of the car left me with not much to hang on to but i found 2 hooks on each side of the back and held on with all my might.
they were taking a trip into the mountains.
maybe a drug run or who knows what business they had up there.
we arrived in this beautiful hippy like village with colourful people in turbans doing a dance like whirling dervishes. there were beautiful ruins of old houses and churches encrusted in little multicoloured tiles all over. it was amazingly so beautiful i wanted to cry.
women in brightly coloured clothing in vivid red and purples and embroidery were everywhere, carrying themselves with pride.
children played ball on the dirt roads and everyone was busy with something.
i jumped off the car and tried to find somewhere to hide because i knew the "bad guys" would come after me and try to find me.
there were scarves everywhere so i wrapped a white one all around me like a burkah and veil and tucked my blonde hair in.
one of the bad guys caught up with me and touched me and then lookoed at me and did not recognize me because of my veil and he said "excuse me" and went running off somewhere else to find me.
i didn't know what else to do or where to go next.
then all of a sudden there was adam ant!
and he said "i've come to rescue you, come with me"
and he gave me a piggy back ride up into a complex building that was maybe like a school or something.
it was filled with busy people.
i thought what are the chances that adam ant of all people would come and rescue me like a knight in shining armour in this weird little village that was a cross between tibet and some hippy cult thing?
adam ant was tan and thin and had hair.
i knew it was a toupee but it was a good one.
i told him that he didn't have to wear that, that i would like him with or without out it and he said he really preferred to wear it and was happier that way.
and i said "well, it works for elton john so i guess it can work for you, too" :)
and i laughed.
then i noticed he was really winded from giving me the piggy back ride. he had a heart condition and had to have this special beeswax or honey applied to his chest and back and arms as a medication.
so i did this for him.
he was sort of flirting with me and he liked the way my hands were white against his tan arms as i applied the bee stuff.
someone who adam had favoured before i came into the picture became intensely jealous of me and stormed off in a huff.
i looked at adam and was trying to discern if he liked me genuinely or just liked me because i was something new.
i couldn't discern it yet.
i went to go wash my hands and i turned on the faucet and washed them and then i could not get the faucet/shower type thing to turn off.
i went out into a living room and everyone seemed completely disinterested in helping me and would not answer me. i saw the girl who was jealous of me and she just glared at me.
i didn't want to take it in because i hadn't done anything wrong and had just arrived.

there were retail shops in this place and there was a life size multicoloured beaded fish made entirely from seed beads that was completely amazing.
the amount of work that went into every detail of it astounded me.
i looked at the price and saw it was $500.
something i could not afford.
the price tag fell off and a boy told me i should just put my own price tag on it then for a lower price to fool the merchant so i could buy the fish.
i knew this was the wrong thing to do and so hung the fish back up and left the boy there.

i went back to go find adam.
i think that is where my dream ends.

i woke up feeling much more positive about things and not as panicky.

M was over and i told him the dream.
then we got dressed and he had to go pick up his cheque from work and go to the bank and so i went with him because i really needed to get out of the house.

i got dressed up in my happy orange pants and skirt i bought in canada. and worked on ripping my dreads apart in the car. they keep wanting to fuse together and it's been a constant struggle to separate them and so my head has become one of the most challenging "fiber projects" i've ever had.
sometimes i think getting the dreads was a terrible mistake and fear it will all end in a terrible unfixable mess.
but i just keep working on it constantly trying to work it out and figure out how i can "freeform" it into something i am proud of.
it would be so much easier if i could just take my head off and work on it that way :)
but i think i am making some progress on it and it's certainly been a learning experience in dreads.

M and i wondered what to do next.
i started to become extremely hungry to the point of way low blood sugar. i had to have food ASAP.
we ended up in rush hour traffic, but M is so mellow even in the midst of it, even when he is frustrated that it was not a stressful experience for me.

we decided to go to radioshack and get one of those things that make it so 2 people can listen to one ipod at the same time.
we haven't tried it out yet but it will be nice to be able to go on walk with him and stuff both listening to the same music in headphones.

then we went to jimmy john's and split a sandwhich.
even doing something as ordinary as that is a joyful experience for me and we laugh at many things :)
like the total for our sandwhich and drink was 6.66 which was quite odd.

on the drive home i spot a car that has the license plate that says "may 11"
i think that is really weird and since we are very close to the masonic temple i say, i bet it's a mason!
we should follow that car and see where it goes!
and thus begins our first game called 'follow that car"
:)
i am so delighted that M is the type of person who will actually DO these things instead of just thinking it is a fun idea and never actually doing it :)

our game of "follow that car" ends in approximately 1 minute as the car almost immediately parks at a mexican restauraunt and we both laugh at how absurdly short the game was and how it ended at a mexican restauraunt and not some freaky place.

we go down a different road to go home and i spot this ENORMOUS cave! i go woa! go back go back!
we do a U turn back, and sure enough there is this MASSIVE cave right there!

we climb up a little slippery path to get to it and then inside it was as big as a church!
it was like a cathedral with an enormous domed ceiling that stretched up as far as maybe a 4 story building.
there were many remnants of people who had slept in there before, a mattress, a broken chair, a pair of pants, one shoe...bits of garbage, broken sticks.
graffitti was carved everywhere into the soft sandy sides of the cave.
the cave was dark and cold and scared me so much i started to shake and tremble.
it was so much to take in the very negative energy of the people who had stayed in this cave and then the powerful and regal energy of the cave itself.
the dichotmy of the energy made me confused and in wonder.
M saw i was shaking and came and held me close in his warm arms under the huge dome of the cave.
i feel so lucky to be so carefully paid attention to and cared for :)
we stood hugging while we both tried to take in the cave and what it was.
we read the many things written, some very negative, some just stupid, and then some actually puzzling and interesting symbols that looked as if it were a magick sigil.

we left the cave and i remarked at how it is a shame i did not bring my camera with me.
and M said maybe if i had brought my camera with me we would have never discovered the cave, which is true.
a few seconds of delay in our day and we would have never played "follow that car" which took us to the cave.
i then saw there was another cave right next to it.
so we had to go into that one, too.
the other one was like a twin of the other.
but we didn't go inside it because there was a big barricade to get around, that was obviously not much of a barricade at all. and we could have easily made it past, as so many others obviously had done.
way way way in the back of the cave i saw a black plastic chair.

i thought what an odd experience it would be just to sit in this black chair way the heck back in this massive cave looking at the light coming from the mouth of the cave.
i don't think it would be a nice experience just because the people who had been in there before had put so much negative energy into it.
but i knew that with some cleaning out of the caves, and saging it and some music or something, the caves could return to their proper order and be great places for meditation and such.

or a huge bonfire and happy things.
i so wish that holy places in the earth were not always so destroyed and uncared for.

they could be such wonderful places where people could feel both grounded and uplifted at the same time, inside the earth.

we made it back home after i showed M where the masonic lodge was.

i asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and i could show him some of my secret places i love.
he didn't loko much in the mood so i said, well let me just take you to where it would begin so you can get a sense of it.
but as soon as we came upon the place where it begins,
he was overtaken with intense nostalgia and wonder that we had to keep going.
it is so fun to show M things and he takes it all in with wonder, joy, awe and yearning just as i do.
so i showed him the train bridges, the elephant tree, the 2 other caves, the sandpit, the place where the sidewalks lead to nowhere, and many other things.

there is still more to show him like the stairs that go nowhere, the cement tardis, and i finally have my partner in crime with him to go back and finally bust into that abandoned building.

much had changed since i had been there last, tho.
lots of renovations were being done and trees were being cut down and so the sidewalks that lead nowhere were not the happy place they once were.

i really wanted to go there and have a picnic and draw on them with coloured chalk.
but now they are all covered with sawed off trees.
but it was not all bad as i saw people were planting native plants back into the ground there and so the ground were covered in clover, sunflowers, little purple flowers, white ones, and these weird ones that look like miniature birds nests.
i saw 2 white butterflies and 1 monarch, the 1st one of the season. i never see butterflies much anymore and rarely a monarch, when in my childhood i would see hundreds. now i am lucky to see 1 or 2 a year.

M yearns for nature as much as i do...and so it such a wonderful thing to be in nature with him.

then we came home and i made a bath while we watched 2 hours of this weird "medical mysteries" show, which was completely fascinating.
especially the one about these blind people who get around by echolocation like bats and dolphins do!
now i want to practice echolocation :)

the bath was almost done but not quite so there was a lull.
i went to work on my dreads more and then for no particular reason i started asking M what he would like to do in a british accent.
"would you like me to kiss your lips? would you like to make a nuclear bomb? would you like me to wear my panties? would you like to spank my bum? would you like to make a fort in the thing room? ..."
it went on and on like this and M found the british accent sexy and he started talking in a british accent, too.
and then once we started doing that we could not stop it, it became addicting and ridiculous.
i felt like he was dr. who and i was his assistant.
all we needed was the tardis.

we went into the bath and we were still talking that way and he tended to helping me clean the back of my head where the staples are. and he does it with such care and love.
i said i certainly did not imagine myself at 40 with staples in my head in a bath with a 25 year old man speaking in terrible british accents.
and i had to laugh at the situation and how much i loved it (minus the staples).

and then we made love under the light of the full moon and we decided to not do it on cam because we wanted this one to just be for us alone.
and it was very very wonderful :)

he also hears things i say wrong a lot which end up being completely hilarious. i can't even remember now what i was originally saying but he heard it as "that's so snell it needs TWO telephone lines"
snell wasn't actually the word, it was another nonsense word that neither of us can remember now, try as we might.
but now we have changed it to matoog, which is our "benifer"
so if you think something is really fly, you say "that's so matoog it needs TWO telephone lines!"
as we were walking through some very old trees yesterday i said sometimes walking through through trees makes me feel like i am walking through a portal. and he heard it as "walking through cheese"
and i'm like ya, when i WALK THROUGH CHEESE, i feel like i am going through a portal!
maybe if it was swiss?

now M is sadly at work.
and i am making this anagram and after i upload this i don't know what i will do with my day.
i'm really puffed out today, and i hope it's just from PMS.
it has to be just water because yesterday i could get a certain bracelet all the way up my arm and today i cannot even get it half way up.

so anyway, i'm feeling very self conscious about it.
but i am in a basically happy mood and feeling relatively positive about things.

i just need my house cleaner and i need to make more money somehow.
these are the only stresses in my life.

horoscopes from: