we got your messages!
keep sending them when the cam freezes!
we WERE a bit busy at the time :)
but we got them!

TEAMWORK!

10:38pm

goddammit.
the webcam32 keeps freezing up.
if this happens email me immediately
anavoog@gmail.com
and i hope that when u email me i will here a sound that will alert me to this fact.
because this is insane.
and M and i are doing stuff and NOTHING is getting captured.
*headdesk*

6:18pm

OMFG scary technical nightmare.
jason came over to get my old video card from the old computer because he is having computer troubles, too.
and then i told him about my troubles and he was like, i'll just install new drivers for your video capture card and it'll only take a few minutes and i'll bet that will solve it.
well it fuct everything up even more and i could not even see video!
i was PANICING!
i just laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours and just either prayed or tried to blank out.
overload.
and just seeing jason is overload, too, because weirdly, i just don't have any desire to see him whatsoever.
i just wanted him out of my house. i have totally cut the cord with him, emotionally.
when i see him i feel nothing but nervous and uncomfortable.
and he was just here FOREVER and i have SO much to do.
like clean my sheets, but i couldn't because he was here.
and i was so scared he was going to see some remnant of M somewhere....something would just fall out from somewhere, i don't know, a cigarette butt, the stains on my sheets, just something.
i felt so nervous.
and i could tell he sort of missed me and that made me sad. and he even called me lover out of force of habit.
and it was just an all around uncomfortable situation for me.
and when i hugged him goodbye he seemed like he really needed a hug so bad.
i just felt awful for not feeling really anything. it was such a bizarre feeling.
i actually feel terribly guilty for getting over him so fast.
i thought it would take years. but nope.
it took just a few weeks.
maybe at some point i will miss him again.
i don't know.
i mean, i do, but in a really far away sort of way.
it's just so WEIRD to feel like this about him.
it's so foreign to me.

and all i could think about was M is getting off work soon (like now)
and i have so much to clean!
and gah! i was so afraid my cams were not going to work at ALL.
and if that would have happened i would have screamed bloody murder!

3:58pm

a friends only entry i made on LJ that i forgot to put in here:

push me down
where the dandelions are
push me harder push me far

you put words in me
that then take form
you come to my center
where new things are born

i saw you come into my eyes
i bled for you
you soothed my cries

push me down
on the railroad tracks
mold me like a ball of wax
make me forget who i am
then push it in and do it again

3:09pm

god what is going ON with this computer?
do dell computers just SUCK or something?
webcam32 even keeps freezing up.
just stops cold and you can't even see it, it will just be a white square.
and then i have to shut it off and restart it. thank god at least it remembers the configurartions!
this is just insane. and mercury going into retrograde on top of all this?
gah. no way!
so i'll just keep keeping an eye on it all and when it freezes i'll just stop and and restart it until i can figure something else out. i am at my wits end.
that is why i have the time stamp on the pictures right now, so i can know what time it freezes, etc.

2:07pm

looks like the small cam is now working. yay :)
so now i just have to figure out what to do with the free cam on anacam.
i have no idea.
look in yesterday's anagram from TONS of pictures.
today i will work on cleaning my house a bit.
M comes over at night. we feel ambivalent about watching the fireworks.
fireworks have been going off here for days and the dogs growl and howl at them, especially sebastian.

5:35am

i give up on the 2nd cam for now.
my white blanket in the washer...pumpkin seed oil.
so much to explore.
tomorrow a new day.... let the cams capture it for it makes me so happy when they do :)

nite nite ana2 :) sex sex sex kiss :) experiment

5:10am

it still seems i have not solved the smaller cam problem in ana2.
something changed. i don't know what.

it was working so well....

i just want to bury my head in M's stomache and sleep. i will sleep nonetheless.
but god, i have one cam running right?

god i hope it's it's still running when i wake up.

pray.

pray like the amish.

4:54am

i ordered:

• Tantric Orgasm for Women
• Tantric Awakening : A Woman's Initiation into the Path of Ecstasy
• The Lover Within: Opening to Energy in Sexual Practice

horoscopes from:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/is_aries/
http://www.astro.com/
http://www.tarot.com/astrology/
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html

Your Horoscope for July 4 , 2006

More positive changes for you to look forward to on Independence Day, with the focus this time on romance! Whether you’re single or attached you can expect some interesting and rather dynamic developments during the course of the day; just make sure you’re ready for them!

and

Tuesday
Moon in Libra
Moon Void of Course 12:17pm
Mercury Retrograde !! 12:34 pm
Moon into Scorpio 10:13pm

Now the surface, courtesy of the Libra Moon, dives deeper to the internal scrutiny of Scorpio. Associated with sexuality but also surgery and never a lightweight transit each month. It's the field of energy where secrets get greasy and can slip out; sometimes things we've been hiding from ourselves pop out in front of the public eye or the private bathroom mirror. Scorpio natives will tell you that it also lubricates the tongue and people spill the beans when they think they're just talking. We can all use the reminder it's easier to hear something juicy then to forget it, so the lead in, "don't tell anyone but..." is a trap!

Mercury goes Retrograde in the evening. Reversing until the 27th of the month. It's always a great time to go with the flow and review and tighten up loose ends on communication projects. Flyers, websites, novels, letters, contracts, blueprints, speeches and screenplays can all be scanned for consistency, accuracy and clarity under this transit. It's better having something to do in this flow of machines going psycho, messages getting garbles and orders being mangled.

and

Good investments
You will have great sensitivity to beauty today and an appreciation of lovely and well-made objects. This is a good day for buying clothing and art objects or for planning to redecorate your home. You have a strong desire to gratify your senses, but not to the point of being compulsive or foolish about spending. If you spend a lot of money on something that you want, the chances are it will be a good investment. In fact the best purchases to make today would be objects that will increase in value as they get older, such as jewelry or antiques. Your relationships should be very positively affected, and you might even start a new romantic interest. This is also a good time to smooth out any difficulties you are having with another person.

and

Mercury the Messenger, usually the fastest moving planet, now appears to stop in its orbital tracks as it begins its 24-day retrograde phase. Communication issues are accentuated when Mercury is retrograde, so watch for missed phone calls, scheduling snafus and computer glitches. It doesn't have to be bad, however. It only requires that we pay extra careful attention to all facets of intellectual exchange. The Libra Moon reminds us to balance our need to be liked with a drive to express what we feel, no matter what the consequences.

and

You may feel as if you've already had these conversations with your partner, but that just doesn't matter. This Mercury retrograde period finds you covering the same ground again, as you realize that they didn't listen to what you were trying to say the first time. On the other hand, it may be you that missed the point of the conversation and now you have to hear it all again. Either way, don't put off a discussion that needs to happen now.