may 18th, 2006
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7:50pm

made it to the store for some yogurt and gatorade.
hope to eat a yogurt.

7:13pm

i just can't eat.

the thought of food makes me sick.
i wish i could force myself to eat but i can't.
some opeople eat when they are depressed. for me it is the opposite.
i could maybe eat some fruit.
but i don't have any fruit.
or some yogurt.
csi is a repeat right now.
i could watch lost on my computer but i don't have the energy to sit upright.

5:51pm

things are not always what they seem.
people always want the easy answer.
if you do a and b you must be c and therefore d.
it doesn't work that way.
you can't just always say "this what is wrong with you according to textbooks, and according to other textbooks this is what you need to do to solve x, y, and z."
for some people that works. and fine. good for them there is a textbook for them that works.

i know what i'm doing, i know what i need to do.
and there is no easy answer from a textbook about it, for ME.
i'm sick of the judgement.
(i'm not talking to anyone of you i'm talking to other people in my life)
i'll explain this later.
i'm so sick of people not understand anxiety and depression.
this world is complely insane in understanding it.
it's like trying to explain to someone that the earth is flat when they are convinced it is round or trying to explain epilepsy to a 6 month year old that cannot even talk yet.

4:50pm

took a nap.
so nervous and depressed.
i feel like i want to jump out of my skin.
i downloading the lost episode i missed.
i'm glad there is some good tv on tonight because i really need to lose myself in some tv right now more than ever.

11:11am

lots to tell you but 1st i must sleep.
i have not eaten or slept in 2 days.

quite the ordeal.
i'll explain later.
life.

+++

horoscopes from:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/is_aries/
http://www.astro.com/
http://www.tarot.com/astrology/
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html

Your Horoscope for May 18 , 2006

With the transit of the moon into Aquarius you should find that the recent pressures of work or school will ease significantly today. Unfortunately the beneficial Uranus influence will also disappear today, which will lessen the reliability of your intuition, although a piece of amethyst will help you through this.

Self-defense *
Valid during several weeks: Past behavior patterns that have become completely unconscious now become active and come into play without your knowing it. Your efforts at self-assertion are undermined by these behavior patterns that you are not even aware of. And unfortunately the people who are alienated by these actions probably will not come out and say so, but will work behind the scenes to block your efforts. The only way you can counter this effect is to become completely conscious of yourself and these little self-defeating acts. If you feel emotionally upset as you often will during this time, refrain from any kind of significant confrontation with others. Instead, confront yourself. It is best at this time to work alone as much as possible.


Transit selected for today (by user):
Mars in the 12th House 12
activity period from end of April 2006 until middle of June 2006.

Your Horoscope for May 17 , 2006

You are likely to have a challenging day today, thanks to a negative influence from the moon, which has moved into your tenth (work or school) house. Tensions and frictions could develop if you start feeling that you don't have control.