may 15th, 2006

7:12pm

btw, jason does not have access to here right now.
in case you wanted to know that.

5:53pm

knit1 magazine 2006

me in it.
thank you, universe, for giving me this today.

 

4:54pm

it's a beautiful day.
i don't know what the fuck i am doing.
listening to juana molina.
i should clean..i should...i am the walking dead
i'm so confused. there are no words.
i'll be ok.
jason and i msg each other.
i tell him not to worry but focus on himself.
i think he finally gets that, i hope.
i just want him to focus on himself.
i'm not in the mood to write about it yet.
sorry the cam is boring.
this is going to take awhile.
it will go through many stages.
i'm going to go clean the kitchen now and then make a bath, i hope.
god i don't know what to fucking say.
i'm trying to get through it the only way i know how.
we all try our best, usually.
sorry i am late in getting back to some of you.
i need a good cry but i don't want to even go there.
i'm just trying to hold down the fort.
im sorry i seem so insane.

don't worry about me.
it's ok that you don't say anything.
what can you say?

i get that.

http://www.ana2.com/private/today/AnaVoogLo.mov 70.21 MB
i hope that link will work
it is a little movie marcus hamm made from my anamates that is REALLY cool.

i feel like fucking shit today.
lost. comfused.
everything seems wrong.
i wish this day would end now.

===

555


i keep seeing 555 for weeks now.
i wish i knew what it meant.
it makes me feel uneasy.

before it was always 444, and now it's 555

things on 555, although i must say, they don't really have much meaning to me...
http://www.biblewheel.com/GR/GR_555.asp
http://www.biblewheel.com/Wheel/Spokes/Heh_Walk.asp
http://www.crystalinks.com/555.html
http://www.greatdreams.com/500-trumpets.htm
http://www.greatdreams.com/five/five.htm

555 = The Magical Number of the Pentagram, or Pentalpha, which is composed of 5 A’s. A is Aleph in Hebrew, and Aleph spelled in full is 111. 5x111=555=HAD spelled in full. Thus the Pentagram is a symbol of HAD (Hadit), the flame that burns in every heart of man and in the core of every Star.

http://thelemicgoldendawn.tripod.com/gematria.htm

===

I CHING: 24


RETURN. Success.
Going out and coming in without error.
Friends come without blame.
To and fro goes the way.
On the seventh day comes return.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

After a time of decay comes the turning point. The powerful light that has been banished returns. There is movement, but it is not brought about by force. The upper trigram K'un is characterized by devotion; thus the movement is natural, arising spontaneously. For this reason the transformation of the old becomes easy. The old is discarded and the new is introduced. Both measures accord with the time; therefore no harm results. Societies of people sharing the same views are formed. But since these groups come together in full public knowledge and are in harmony with the time, all selfish separatist tendencies are excluded, and no mistake is made. The idea of RETURN is based on the course of nature. The movement is cyclic, and the course completes itself. Therefore it is not necessary to hasten anything artificially. Everything comes of itself at the appointed time. This is the meaning of heaven and earth.

All movements are accomplished in six stages, and the seventh brings return. Thus the winter solstice, with which the decline of the year begins, comes in the seventh month after the summer solstice; so too sunrise comes in the seventh double hour after sunset. Therefore seven is the number of the young light, and it arises when six, the number of the great darkness, is increased by one. In this way the state of rest gives place to movement.



+++

horoscopes from:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/is_aries/
http://www.astro.com/
http://www.tarot.com/astrology/
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html

Your Horoscope for May 15 , 2006

Oh dear; it's going to be a day of two halves, and thanks to a negative aspect from the moon the old Monday morning blues are likely to hit with a vengeance today. Boredom, restlessness and a general feeling that you need to develop your potential will kick in, but this will ease by the afternoon.

and

Slightly out of focus
This is a very poor day for doing any work that requires disciplined thinking and precision. The world looks like an impressionist painting today, slightly out of focus and emphasizing large patterns of color and shadow. Work with numbers of strict logic will be especially affected. If you do this kind of work today, check it over for errors in a couple of days. Almost certainly there will be some mistakes. Communications today will be especially difficult. Even when you and another person are trying to be very clear, you may have misunderstandings. This is a poor influence for any important discussions about business or personal matters. Even if you are sure that you are speaking clearly and honestly, make sure that others are treating you the same way.

and

Monday
Moon in Sagittarius
Moon Void of Course 1:15pm PDT
Moon into Capricorn 7:59pm PDT

If you still haven't cleaned up the premises internal and external from the full Moon by the end of today make that a thing you get to. Waning moons are a time to sort through the status of the various parts of our lives. Anything that you didn't get resolved or pushed to another level by the full moon last weekend you're going to carry through this cycle until the new moon. Turn off the judgment machine and take a good look at what you call yourself. Today with the moon in Sagittarius early and then slipping into Capricorn we have a strong view of the 'nuts and bolts' of our situation. If you can use that cliche constructive critique, with this the changes and evolutions you want seem doable and just a list of things to do.

and

Although you thought you knew what you wanted, it may not be what you actually need. And even if you get it, it still might not make you happy. You can courageously put on a smile for everyone in spite of your disappointment. But there's really no reason to fake it if your outer appearance doesn't reflect your inner discontent.

and

Yesterday's excess turns darkly serious, for even though the Moon is in uplifting Sagittarius today, it joins intense and probing Pluto at 4:14 pm EDT. We are inclined to take greater risks now, for we believe that we can reach beyond our normal boundaries and restrictions. In return, we can be rewarded with inspiring experiences that encourage us to go even further. Although we are in touch with our inner philosopher, we aren't fully at ease, for Pluto forces us to recognize how the best circumstances can change into something much more complicated.