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may 1st , 2006
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10:54pm

my stomache is full of spaghetti and meatballs :)

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Colbert Does the White House Correspondents' dinner

watch it. brilliant. brutal. amazing.

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/04/29.html#a8104

the links on youtube:
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

or see the full thing here in flash or WMV:
part 1
http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/AAC7FA18-2DDC-4D3E-B1BB-9D6CBD83E27F.htm
part 2
http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/C91DDBB4-28AD-4E6F-BD52-822BC77DF696.htm

transcript, more links:
http://dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/4/30/1441/59811

colbert on 60 minutes (60 minutes doesn't get to the nitty gritty of it at all. a fluff piece):
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/05/01.html#a8119

http://thankyoustephencolbert.org/

and heck yes, fry 'em up!
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/04/28.html#a8079

http://www.comedycentral.com/sitewide/media_player/browsevideos.jhtml?showId=18252

all of what colbert said at the dinner (transcript), because i guess at the crooksandliars place they miss the very beginning of it (although they do show colbert's film at the end :) keep in mind, colbert said this to the president's face, looking him straight in the eye! and the mainstream media, pretty much, has not said a word about it.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bullet proof S.U.V.'S out front, could you please move them. They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'S and they need to get out.
Wow, wow, what an honor. The White House Correspondents' Dinner. To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

Is he really not here tonight? The one guy who could have helped. By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. Will be right over with a cocktail.

Mrs. Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and it's my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He's no so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brain backs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the fact (police). We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that's not true. That's but you looked it up in a book.

Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert report, I speak straight from the gut, ok? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists.

My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how "the Washington Post" spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, ambassador, welcome, your great country makes our happy meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all I believe in this president.

Now, I know there's some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

Folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull, before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the 10th round. He's bloodied, his corner man, Mick, who in this case would be the Vice President, and he's yelling cut me, dick, cut me, and every time he falls she say stay down! Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky he gets back up and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie. Ok. It doesn't matter.

The point is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car.

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man's beliefs never will.

And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the President's side and the Vice President's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they're superdepressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. intelligence, the affect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President makes decisions, he's the decider. The Press Secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home.

Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some heroes, Buckley, Kim Schieffer. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you. How is Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him.

And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. General Mowsly, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace. They still support Rumsfeld. You guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program, let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. C'mon.

Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier.

Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia's here. May I be the first to say welcome, sir. You look fantastic. How are you? (imitates hostile gestures Scalia was reported to have made)

John McCain is here. John McCain John McCain. What a maverick. Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you wasn't a salad fork. He could have used a spoon. There's no predicting him. So wonderful to see you coming back into the republican fold. I have a summerhouse in South Carolina, look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light.

Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city. Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I would like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., The chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a mallomar is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, the most famous husband since Desi Arnez. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said. I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife, Joe Wilson's wife. Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight? Dodged a bullet.

And we can't forget man of the hour, new Press Secretary, Tony Snow. Secret service name, Snow Job. What a hero, took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else.

McClellan, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children.

Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir. I was vying for the job. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference. "

(Note: A video section followed with Colbert sparring with reporters and eventually running away from journalist Helen Thomas. It's included in the Crooks and Liars link above.)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-durang/ignoring-colbert-part-tw_b_20130.html

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meanwhile....

i've been keeping an eye on all various aspects of this here and there.
and why i do not agree with a lot of what this article says, i think there are some huge grains of truth here that need to be examined:

http://www.infowars.com/articles/immigration/may_day_neocons_responsible_for_protests.htm

i cannot, truthfully, say i am either for or against any immigrants from anywhere.
in my eyes, we are all immigrants. period.
i see it is inevitable, as history shows this sort of thing goes on over and over and over rinse and repeat.
there are many ways to conquer a nation. and borders are constantlly changing.
nations come and go and that is just the way of it.
and that is the way it will always be, as far as i can tell.
so i just have no stance on this at all, so far.
i just see it as inevitable and i watch it from many angles with interest as it unfolds.

but i have noticed throughout the last decade some mighty weird things happening and being reported, if you know where to look, read and listen, about mexico, the usa, and china.

and i've been trying to fit the puzzle pieces together. which is hard because i am way up here in minnesota.

but even way up here, in our courthouse, in our capital city, where is a 36 foot tall onyx sculpture
(the world's largest onyx sculpture) called 'the vision of peace"
it's obviously south american indian not north american indian. aztec or mayan.
and it, as far as i discern, depicts the coming of the 5th world, in that culture.
look that up and see where that takes you.
why that is in the courthouse in MINNESOTA is anyone's guess.

anyway, it's all very ODD.
you have to see the sculpture in person.
i found out about it because i saw the independent film "factotum" featuring lili taylor
and i had no idea that this stuture was in my city.
it is truly breathtaking. and not at all very peaceful, but spectacular.

i could go on and on about the weird murals and sculpture in our cities government buildings.

and there i know there is some weird tie in to Our Lady of Guadalupe
http://www.catholic-forum.com/saintS/mary0003.htm

i know this all sounds completely bizarre, and it is.
and i wish i could piece it together for you, but so far, it is just a mystery.
i have found most of the corner pieces to the puzzle, and now i am trying to fill in the blanks.

"Also known as
Holy Mary of Guadalupe; Virgin of Guadalupe; Maria de Guadalupe
Memorial
12 December
Profile
Guadalupe is, strictly speaking, the name of a picture, but the name was extended to the church containing the picture and to the town that grew up around the church. It makes the shrine, it occasions the devotion, it illustrates Our Lady. It is taken as representing the Immaculate Conception, being the lone figure of the woman with the sun, moon, and star accompaniments of the great apocalyptic sign with a supporting angel under the crescent. The word is Spanish Arabic, but in Mexico it may represent certain Aztec sounds. "
(from here: http://www.catholic-forum.com/saintS/mary0003.htm )
In 1999, Pope John Paul II proclaimed Our Lady of Guadalupe (also known as the virgn of the apocalypse) the Patron Saint of the Americas.
http://www.clas.ufl.edu/users/bron/PDF--Christianity/Lorentzen--Virgin%20of%20Guadalupe.pdf

i have a lot of dreams of that crescent moon.
one years before 9/11 which was about the destruction of america.

the 1st it was in the position you see it there.
corners pointing up.
and i saw a virgin mary statue (in my dream) whirling around in the sky an she was pissed off, her eyes glowing red.
notice it was a statue, not the virgin mary herself. i think that is significant.

lately i had a dream of the crescent moon being coloured red and pointing to the right.
i went on a google search for something which might have that in it, but couldn't find anything exactly.
until i few days ago i noticed the comcast logo has the red crescent moon exactly as i saw it in my dream.
(which is really hilarious for me, personally, because i call the main comcast building here "the temple", and then i also learned years later that the masonic temple was right behind it, on plato blvd...i am not saying that is a conspiracy, i just think it's funny :)
oh ha, and it IS in the latino/spanish/mexican neighbourhood as well...another random tie in.

anyway, this all sounds rather psychotic because it looks like i am just thowing random bits of stuff out here and not backing it up with any sort of fact. and who cares about my dreams, right? well, i do. sometimes they come true so i pay attention.
and it all looks very random and paranoid.
but i'm just thowing out some bones to pick on.
see if anyone else has been picking up on this kind of stuff lately.
because i'd love to see if anyone is following this same odd trail of crumbs.

more on guadalupe:
http://www.crystalinks.com/ladyguadalupeday.html

whose day is 12/12

which brings me back to here:
http://www.crystalinks.com/quetzalcoatl.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quetzalcoatl

i've also been having very elaborate dreams about "the reptilians"
and "the giants" and "the zetas"
the oddfellows.

i've been visiting their cemetaries in my dreams and seeing pieces of them i had not seen before.
how they lived. what they cared about.
what great artisans they were (or still are..if they exist)
their tombstones and children's toys and jewelry are so incredibly beautiful.
when you think "reptilian" you think of something that is not beautiful or able to create beauty.
i think of brutality and coldness.
but they also have a highly refined side capable of a great delicate but lasting beauty.
i wish i could connect my head to your head to show you the images.
i can't even draw it out because it's so detailed. like something jim woodring would make if you combined his style with that of an old and elborate mosque or temple. with a bit of tim burton thrown in.
my dreams have been very interesting lately.

12:48pm

today i have many things to do.
it's still cold and rainy.
i have my oven on for heat.
going to get to the bank finally because i must pay rent.
i slept like a log.
i feel a bit rejuvenated.

i had dreams i was unearthing the graves of the reptilians and their culture.
it was actually really cool.
1/2 reptilians and 1/2 humans in the grave
and also the giants.
their skeletons were 10 to 12 feet tall.
the reptilians skulls were so cool, like cones but more intricate.
and they had all their favourite things in there.
weird artifacts like something jim woodring would make.
and a mirror you could look into and see into their time and what it was like then
and things like looked very asian
like shiva
or indian i should say
and hats and capes made from alligator skin
but way softer than alligator, as soft as suede.
i wish i could take the things back with me to this world, physically
the reptilians really had an eye for beauty.
everything so intricate, playful, and beautiful crafted.

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