april 11th , 2006

 

my lj interests to now be deleted.

(no reason but to simplify:)

123: 11:11, 2012, 22, 40, 44, 8, abandoned buildings, absurdity, adam and the ants, alchemy, alphabets, amber, ancient egypt, androids, annie sprinkle, as above so below, as four, avant garde, beautiful accidents, bisexuality, bjork, bladerunner, bubblebaths, cake, creative visualization, decay, deconstruction, deserts, discipline, dolphins, domes, dream analysis, dusk, dust, earth, ecofeminism, everything is true, experimental cooking, feminism, feng shui, film making, finnegans wake, fire, forensics, fred astaire, free form crochet, gaia, gematria, gnosis, grace, haute couture, hyperreality, incense, ingwaz, isolation, jane roberts, japanese chins, jim woodring, john foxx, john galliano, jung, kabbalah, knowledge through nonsense, lesbians, lightning, lightwork, living off the grid, mannequins, mark ryden, medusa, merkabah, moog, multidimensionality, new wave, numerology, obsidian, old typewriters, owls, pajamas, peonies, photobooths, pi, pink, polaroids, portals, pyramid power, quantum physics, queerness, randomness, richard sharah, sacred geometry, sacred space, sacred whore, scissors, sewing, sex clowns, shekinah, silence, silver, sonia5, soup, stream of consciousness, string theory, stuffed animals, sushi, syd barrett, synchronicity, the sky, theoretical quantum physics, tiphereth, tree of life, ultravox, vintage clothing, vintage dolls, vintage photos, webcams, weird things, whitley strieber, wings of desire, xerox machines, yoko ono, zen, zero.

other "about me"

i am an artist. i am kind but i am volatile. i search for hidden treasure. i like to make the soup and the string. i like umbrellas, writing things in dust, and things that are round. sometimes i am small. sometimes i expand across the universe. treat me with care or i'll rip your head off.

 

10:44pm

things are better.
not out of the woods, tho.
jason and i are going to portal together.
i'm too exhausted to type another word.
i love that man more than anything.

tomorrow i see a chiropractor for the 2st time.
i hope this is helpful.
i'm pretty nervous and skeptical about it.

6:39pm

i suppose i could walk to stanley to portal.
if i walked 4 hours a day.
there are 5 towns on the way there:
lostwood, coteau, bowbells, flaxton, lignite.
the 1st town, as of 2000, only 30 people or less live there.
so i have no idea if there would be a motel at any of these.
i doubt it.
of course, i probably won't do this as it sounds like a huge pain in the ass.
but i would see the countryside and i sure would get a lot of excercise.
and i also don't know how dangerous it would be.
but i highly doubt the road from stanley to portal sees much traffic with only practically ghostowns the whole way there. in with the average age of the people in these towns in their retirment years...am i really going to run into some psycho just waiting for some person to cross paths with them?
it would seem if you were a murderer or a rapist, you'd want to live in a place that had SOME traffic.
i mean, if your town doesn't even have a gas station, a restaurant, or a motel, how much stupid would that be live there?
but then, maybe they moved there so they wouldn't murder anyone.
god, i have no idea.
i wish i had the cloak of invisibility.
i wish i wasn't a woman.
fuck, all i want to do is walk 16 miles for fuck's sake and i have to think about being chopped up into little pieces in in the middle of nowhere?
it's fucked up.
it's fucked it up makes me scared.
it's fucked i have reason to be scared.
fucking A.
i just want to walk 16 miles in nowhere.
is that too much to ask?
just to see 16 miles of road on my own goddamn planet so i can make it to portal and make the 1st scene of my movie?
is that just too much to fucking ask??

i ran into my dad at the little store as i was getting dog food.
he just happen to see my cross the street as he was going to the opera.
i wanted to burst out crying because i wanted to go to the opera with him and i felt like some sort of traitor not being able to.
i don't care about the opera. i just want to see my dad.
but fuck, he hates melodramatics.
and being at a store buying dog food is hardly the time or place to break down and sob and tell him how much i need him.
he looked so good. i love my dad. his smile is the best thing in this world.
it seemed he had lost weight.
his arms seemed so thin and fragile.
he's getting old.


5:30pm

i found that amtrak will take me as far as a place called stanley ND. and the fare is pretty cheap, just $116.
of course i would not be able to stop anywhere on the prairie like i wanted to and look at anything. i would just see it all whiz by.
but then it is still 67 more miles to get to portal.
there appears to be no way to get from stanley to portal except to drive, bike, or walk.
i figured if i walked 1 mile every 15 minutes it would take me over 16 hours to walk there :(
this sucks.

4:51pm

looking into taking an amtrak train to minot, ND, and then seeing if there is a bus from minot to portal.

3:50pm

still very depressed.
relationship troubles and other things.
and jason has decided to not go to portal with me.
just too stressful with things with us right now.
so now i do not know if i am going to be able to do my movie, and that makes me deeply depressed, as well.
and everything just seems like it is falling apart.
i'm trying to keep it together but i just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.
i'm going to try to just write in my paper journal today and see if i can get some things straightened out in me or whatever needs to be done. i feel rather lost.

my neck still hurts. i cancelled going to the opera with my dad, today.
tomorrow i am going to go see a chiropractor.
it thrills me to death to spend moeny on stuff like that.
*sarcasm*

i'm just a bundle of joy right now.
the thought of having no plans for my birthday depresses the living shit out of me.
i want to be in portal on my birthday.
i have to get there somehow.
i just don't know how.
goddamit if i am going to sit around and cry in my room on my birthday when i should be making my movie.

just fuck.
i wish i had my driver's license.
i'd just rent a car and go there myself.

i guess i could do a movie called 44 in portal.
and just work for 4 years to get there and make all the stuff for it.
fuck, i don't know.


+++

from:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/is_aries/
http://www.astro.com/
http://www.tarot.com/astrology/
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html

Healing conversation
Valid during several weeks: Under this influence all forms of healing and being healed are especially favored. This influence is also particularly suited for every type of operation on body and soul, whether you undertake this on another person or on yourself. With people who are close to you, you can have deep conversations about those sore points which we all have and which make us react very sensitively to some things. It would be only too human to avoid this situation for fear of the pain connected with it. But, of course, you should not do so, as healing and becoming whole demand certain preconditions which are not readily to be found, but which are, during this time, especially favored.


The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury Conjunction Chiron exact at 11:34
activity period from end of February 2006 until 12 April 2006.

and

Pay attention to the little things, for they can unravel your day pretty quickly if left untended. Once you are faced with a crisis, no matter how small, you may want to let other things slide until the brushfire is contained. Work hard in the morning and everything should flow easier later in the day.

and

The Moon shifts from timid Virgo to socially savvy Libra at 1:46 pm EDT, refreshing our day with a second wind. Our morning concerns may transform into afternoon conversations. We become more inclined to engage with others during the pleasant Libra Moon. But a long-lasting biseptile between the regulators -- Jupiter and Saturn -- is activated today by both the Sun and the Moon, marking four points on a seven-pointed star. The rare configuration of strange septiles can indicate fateful surprises that crash into our world.

and

Tuesday
Moon Void of Course 7:59am PDT
Moon into Libra 10:47am PDT
The Moon goes into Libra today and the momentum is building towards its opposition to the Sun and a full moon on Thursday. There can be some heavy diplomacy here. That static relationship can be shifted whether it's boardroom, family room or bedroom style. There is an atmosphere where all can peek around their judgments and prejudices and see that something needs to change. Getting all parties to realize this is the first step, from here we can see options, all giving and taking. Just a concentrated single conversation can inspire action that washes away months or years of repetitive behavior.

The early part of the day can have a bit of aggressive sizzle and focusing this on a desire for harmony rather then trying to beat people verbally into submission gives best results. When you are the receiver of the blunt verbal thrashing realize you can change the conversation easily in airy Libra. "Where did you get those shoes", "did you eat already," simple questions that can take the heat off and get a restart. The temptation is to join the person in the agitated conversation at their fever pitch; you can just as easily and with better results tune it to your preferred level.