march 27th , 2006
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11:28pm

from this diary entry here:

http://www.anacam.com/analog/analog041499.html

(the very last line)

at the very end i describe a dream, briefly, where i ask "who is pam arcand?"

anyway, pam arcand has now contacted me!
i have no idea why i would dream about a person named that or anything.
but here she is, 7 years later :)

weird :)

that entry has such pertinance to me now.
i'm glad it was pointed out to me!

also for the last week i have been seeing a lot of 444, 555, and 11:11 again.
i take this as a good omen.

i told pam arcand we should get together for coffee as we leave in the same vicinity.
i wonder what the deal is with that?
maybe nothing.
but weird nonetheless i would have a dream about her name and she would contact me 7 years later.

===

"tacmars" (tactical markers)

http://web.archive.org/web/20050216042516/http://www.tackamarks.freeservers.com/index.html
http://web.archive.org/web/20041010160149/tackamarks.freeservers.com/photo3.html
http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.tackamarks.freeservers.com/

hadn't heard of this until today. worth looking into!
too bad this site only exists on the wayback machine.

but why is it so often that these kind of sites are always brought to us courtesy of freaky christians?
http://www.tackamarks.freeservers.com/

gah.
anyway, it's still worth looking into, regardless of the messenger.
these weird signs are everywhere, and that is what this is about.
not whether or not the second coming of christ is right around the corner.

a discussion of people both for and against these theories:
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread8752/pg17

 

 

10:53pm

a made a friends only rant, and then i took it down.

then i did an email instead:

email:

"hello :)
this is my 2nd time emailing you (spread mag and sexworkmatters)

as you know , the premiere for your fundraiser is only 2 days away, and i am part of your exhibition for your premiere to help raise you money and i am working for free.

so i would REALLY appreciate it if on your sites you would link back to my site:
http://www.anacam.com

here:
http://sexworkervisions.blogspot.com/
http://www.spreadmagazine.org/index.html
http://www.sexworkmatters.net/events.htm

and anywhere else you have written about it.

for my hours worth of service, that night and the days worth of preparation and money from my own pocket, all i ask for is for a link.
please link to my site at your sites and email back so that i feel acknowledged for donating my services to you.
because sexwork matters.

we, (melissa, kristie, and i) have a VERY exciting, unique and special presentation worked out for your event.
and i am very honoured to be a part of it. and i would really APPRECIATE a link back to my site in return for all my work.

thank you! :)

kind regards,
ana voog"

4:48pm

still not 100% well, but each day i get about 3% better.
all i have left is the cough and my nergy levels are still low.
but each day a bit better, so yay for that :)
it's hard to believe march is almost over!
life has either been very monotonous, just maintaining, but my brain is always very full
of ideas and plans and how to make these plans come to reality.
my dreams are laborious.
always involving trying to find home, navigate water, or make sure all my doors are locked and windows closed so that rapists that are lurking outside cannot get in.
jason's friend paul, who was in ousia with him, and also was in the local band here called shapeshifter, which my band, the bue up? played with several times, wants to start a band with me on vocals, jason on synth, paul on guitar, and then we need a bass player and a drummer.
i recommended freddy votel of tvbc (and i think he was in the cows, too?)
although we have not asked him yet and so i have no idea if he would be up for it.
i said yes, i'd be willing to try it out and see what it might be. i think it could be very cool.
it would be nice to be in a band where i am not the leader and everything is not riding on me.
i've never been in a band that was not mine or a band where there was collaboration.
i would like to try it out.
and i will still do my music, of course, too.
it's just rather expensive to get a practice space.
i've been also dealing with the slippery slope of "family" lately.
rather missing my family in canada and trying to get in touch with some of them.
i got a hold of one of my aunts but she was, sadly, very very cold to me.
and i got in touch with my uncle, who is my godfather, and that went better.
although they always have to get in that "i don't approve of everything you do" statement, which i don't knwo why they feel that necessary to say to me, i mean, duh, if i haven't been clued in to that fact by now, i would be brain dead. so yay for reiterating the obvious *sarcasm*
so...i don't know how any of this will go. it's all very awkward and i feel scared because i have been so hurt.
and i don't want to open myself to more hurt, but at the same time, they are my family, and i miss them.
and it just seems really tragic to never speak to any of them again.
i don't think i can maybe have any relationships with any of my mom's sisters ever again.
they have all pretty much written me off due to my mom's propoganda.
but there may be hope that i could have some sort of small relationships with a few of my uncles.
i don't know, but i guess i am giving it a try.
i miss them more than i had expected to. and it's been hard to just not talk to 1/2 of my entire family, who i was really fond of. and they all had such a good positive influence on me as a child.
i just hope they can meet me on equal ground as adults now.
we'll see. it's scary. i feel very emotional about it.
i wrote my mom's husband and apologized to him for waking him up in the middle of the night a few week's ago and giving him a piece of my mind. long story i don't want to get in to.
he wrote me back a very sweet email, acknlowedging that he had judged and condemned me for years with his silence, and how wrong that was of him. and so the 2 of us have come to a peaceful meeting ground of forgiveness from both sides. and that is good.
i don't feel like getting into it much more than that.
i'm just sort of tip toeing my way through a minefield, it feels like to me, but so far so good.
although the extreme coldness from one of my favourite aunts was very very hurtful.
but that is the price you sometimes have to pay for taking a chance and trying to reach out.
so i've gotten some good things back, and i've gotten some bad things.
it's all a lot to sort through, even they are small little emotional dealings, they are potent.

+++

from:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/is_aries/
http://www.astro.com/
http://www.tarot.com/astrology/
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html

Horoscope for Aries (March 27 2006)

A challenging aspect between your ruling planet and the moon, which is now in Pisces, you will be feeling more prone to emotional upsets than normal. Attached Aries people should take comfort from their partners today, while single Aries people will be able to rely on a close friend for support.

and

The Moon is in compassionate Pisces today, but we may not feel the softer side of the Fish today. Instead of diffusing logic, the Moon's wiry conjunction midday with both electrical Uranus and intellectual Mercury adds a sharper edge to this normally adaptable phase. Increased awareness may arrive with a strike, like a sudden wake-up call from a very dreamy weekend. Whatever we can learn at this time will ease tensions and lessen the surprises that may come from the all-too-exciting New Moon Eclipse on Wednesday.