march 22nd , 2006
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7:13pm

took, aspirin, then took tylenol, none of it worked.
my head still hurts.like the sharp pain behind the eye that goes into your jaw into your neck and into your back kind of headache.

once again, my tv cannot get UPN in. i don't know what is wrong.
so jason is taping ANTM for me at his house.
so aggravating.

i was looking online for a place that could sell miniature plastic zebras, but cannot find any.
if anyone knows of a place where i could get such a thing, let me know.
i think it would be cool for it to rain minature plastic zebras in my movie, at some point.

i don't understand this "deal or no deal" show.

i need to get up at 8am tomorrow. ouch.
that wil suck. but at least i get to see fuzzy.
and after the doctor she is going to come over to smoosh the pups.
they will be so happy :)

i guess i will go lay in bed and zone out and try to get this headache to tone down a bit.
try to get to bed early.

i can't wait for the new Lost.

 

4:55pm

my head is killing me! augh! why do i have such a headache?
i am trying so hard to stay in a positive frame of mind.
i am doing everything in my power, but my head just HURTS.
i hope a bath will help.

3:34pm

wrote a big long email to chuck statler about my movie.
i tried to call him but no answer.
i left another message on annie oakley's voice mail.
i really hope she gets in touch with me soon, i need to get paid and i want my hats and photos back.
all the bills and rent and things i need for my movie!
i drank some tea and now i am rather hyper but i still have a headache.
i'm going to go fold and hang up clothes i the thing room.
then take a bath or something.
tomorrow i will go to the bank.
also, tomorrow i see my dr. at 9:30am and fuzzy is taking me.
yay for fuzzy!

tonight a new episode of ANTM, Lost, and CSI! woo hoo!

even tho i am still sick and pretty low of energy, i am trying to push forward in whatever capacity i can.
i did an online tarot card reading about whether or not chuck would be interested in helping me with my movie, and it was a pretty positive reading (i know, i'm such a weirdo) so i went ahead and got off my ass and tried to contact him today and at least get that ball rolling, if it is even going to roll there.
i just want to keep him in the loop so he knows i am serious about this and try to get him really interested and curious as to what i am doing. i just would really value any advice he could give me.
i would be so honoured. so i really hope he will write back and say yes he would be interested in getting together with me and discussing my movie in any capacity.

my email was rather unprofessional and spastic, but that is just the way i am and i have to say SOMETHING.
so...i just let it fly the best way i know how.

it will be more professional once i get to portal and shoot footage and take photos of this and put together a portfolio of it.

1:02pm

i think i slept for 14 hours!
unbelievable! i guess all that cleaning i did yesterday really did wear me out.
now i am trying to come back to the earth plane after really deep sleep and deep dreams.
deep in a literal way as in my dream i owned a small ship and i would go scuba dive below it and then just hang out underneath my ship taking in the darkness and deepness of this river i was on.
but it was more like i was going down a well.
darkness still below me for who knows how long, and i could see my ship above me as a small black square on black water.
it was really creepy but i would do it as a dare or something.
to get a new perspective or some "time out"?
i was also a hairdresser and sexologist, but all my consultations would take place underwater or in my small ship that was also like a small submarine.
but we would be just inches below the surface. my windows would shine light on gas stations and their lights would shine into my windows and people would wave to us.
i would also wax people's eyebrows or anything they wanted waxed.
i would deal with anything that had to do with hair.
so weird.

i still feel like i am underwater. i was underwater 20 feet below the surface with an air tank and light for 2 or 3 hours and then my air started to get low so i came up.
i had 5 lights on black chains that dropped into the water around my ship and my crew brought the chain lights up when i came up but 2 got lost in the depths. one stranger retrieved one and then we had 4 and we left the 5th one at the bottom of the river, to be forever lost.

i still feel like i am down there in the cold water that was 17 degrees.

before that in my dream i was in a river and taking samples of the chemicals in the water.
i found out the water was 60% chemicals and that a loarge portion was coming from this flower store.
so i tried to tell the woman at the store that whatever she was using to grow her flowers was causing the river to become massively polluted but she didn't want to hear about it.

and then the dream before that which is really far away now in my mind is a government dream and george bush giving some dumb speech and the military faking this explosion in this abandoned building.
but when i went to check up on what was left, there had been no explosion, it had all been faked and inside there were hundreds of containers of dried beans and rice, a cardboard tub, and a bunch of neatly folded blankets.

i immediately told all the homeless people about this and they came from the cliffs for free food and maybe to stay in this very well built abandoned building.
but i didn't know if it was all a trap or what to bring attention to this building or get all the homeless people to come out of hiding.

right next to this building was another building that was even more sturdy and was completely boarded up and cemented shut and the letters has been torn off the building but you could still read the imprint of what the letters had said and it said "HEBREW".
i knew inside that building was a huge library and i wanted to get in there.

i feel completely spaced out like i am 20 leagues under the sea.
i wanted to get to the bank today.
it's sunny and 38 degrees.
but in my mind i am down a cold deep dark well with scuba gear, zoming out on the darkness. it was meditative. but i am glad to be up here on dry land now.
it was so completely real. i really feel like i was there and i am having a hard time adjusting to life back in my bedroom.

it felt good to own something in my dream.
usually in my dreams i do not have anywhere to go.
i am always looking for my house, trying to get home somehow,
being in someone else's house, trying to build a house,
it always revolved around me never having a home and trying to get one.

but in this dream i owned a little ship that was my home.
even tho i did not have anywhere to really dock it, and i dodn't knwo where i was going, i did have a ship to come back to after being in the water. i could look up at it even when i was far below it and know it was there. i could be an explorer of dark water and still look up and see MY ship, a little square on the water.
and i even had a crew.

i think this is a good sign.
the symbolism of having 5 lights but losing one, i think means 5 is the number of socialness and my dream was saying i was not prepared for that stage yet, but i had 4 lights, and 4 is the number of a stable foundation.
so i have a stable foundation on which to create on now.
the 4 corners are there.

i think it's about making my movie.
i'm driving to portal is like being in a little ship.

i have a small amount of scuba gear, and i can't go really far, but it is enough.
but i didn't have the guts to get that 5th light at the bottom of the river because i did not know how deep it was or what was down there and i was afraid to find out partially because i just did not know if my scuba gear could handle it, because it was all unknown.
i just thought, i can work with 4, 4 is enough. i can go buy a 5th light somewhere else again.

anyway...i wish i had some coffee or something to wake myself up.
just feel floaty.




+++

from:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/is_aries/
http://www.astro.com/
http://www.tarot.com/astrology/
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html

Horoscope for Aries (March 22 2006)

It is possible that you will feel torn in two opposing directions today, thanks to a challenging aspect between the sun and the moon. This internal conflict is likely to become apparent at work or school. What you want and what's expected of you might be too entirely different things.

and

Asserting your freedom
Weak, transient effect: This influence stimulates your drive for personal freedom, and if you feel free and unencumbered, you will probably behave quite irresponsibly in other people's eyes. The more you feel that people are trying to hold you back or make you toe the line, the more you will resist. The same applies to relationships. If your partner in a love relationship tries to be possessive or limit your freedom, you will resist. And a dispute could arise from your assertion of freedom. On a very different level, this influence can manifest itself as a feeling of spiritual disquiet, a mood in which you question your fundamental goals and aspirations. And, indeed this is a good time to look at your life in this way. What you learn will be very important to you.

and

It might feel as if the world is raining on your parade today, but you must change your attitude and take your problems in stride. You can overcome obstacles, but you may need to get a bit more serious than you've been for the past few days. Hard work now will allow the fun to return over the weekend.

and

Wednesday
Moon void of course 1:47am PST
Moon into Capricorn 7:36am PST
Moon square Sun 11:10am PST
There can be a dryness to a one pointed focus. There is a fine line between the actions that are one pointed and just blindly heading forward. Also a possibility that one doesn't hear out others with alternate viewpoints. Scenarios like missing the beauty of the forest because you are analyzing the placement of the trees can be cured by just observing for the state of mind of those surrounding you. Casual acquaintances and seemingly banal interactions can change personal trajectory without you noticing.