march 16th , 2006
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9:23pm

my dad wrote me an email and ended it with:

"Love to my beautiful and intelligent daughter,
DAD"

*tears* :)

poor jason has a temperature of 101 now, too :(
i feel so bad :(

 

 

+++

the email i did not send last night (and will not send, because it's just not worth it and it's way too whiney and pathetic) to the writer of that city pages "she bop" article in the local paper here.
just thought i'd stick it in here, dunno why.

 

"hello :)
i have been up all night sicker than a dog with some godawful cold thing buzzed out on cold medicine and having insomnia....
so i was perusing the internet with my low attention span because i was feeling so restless and miserable and i came upon your article she-bop.
i'm really happy to see more and more women getting into playing music as time goes on.
i remember when the go gos 1st record came out and no one could even believe they actually played their instruments.
it's a weird weird world out there for "women in rock"
anyway, not to be a sourpuss, but because i have been up all night, not being able to breathe and hacking up my lungs and i have my period on top of it and insomnia, please forgive me for having to email you about myself, because i am a sad insecure kitty cat right now who has had one too many thera flus in her bloodstream. but i really want to correct you on a few things about your article.
my band, the blue up?, did not come out of any all female band explosion around the time of babes in toyland.
we were the second all female band after tetes noirs, formed in 1985, and put out our 1st single in 1986.
then we did an EP which grant hart of husker du produced a year after that or so. then i did 2 more records, and the next one we were signed to columbia records in the early 90's. and then after that i became ana voog (long story) and was on radioactive/mca and won 2 minnesota music awards for best electronic artist and best electronic album in 1999.
sorry to toot my own horn and have a hissy fit, i just felt a little spurned when you made it sound like the blue up? sort of came out of the whole babes in toyland thing when we were around way way before them. (i don't mean that in a competitive way. i ADORE babes in toyland immensely, and kat did have an influence on me in my later songwriting for a few songs...i'm just a stickler for getting the facts correct...but of course i agree she and her band had way more of an influence on "women in rock" than my band did by FAR, absolutely. that cannot be denied! )
i know you said that you article was not comprehensive, and i understand it's hard to get everything in. but you did say you wanted to mention bands who had gotten some national/international recognition and stuff. so....i just felt compelled, because of my wounded ego and too much cold medicine and not enough sleep, to tell you of a bit of my history in the whole local "women in rock" thing. i'm also pretty sure that zu zus petals were around before babes, too. and then there was the clams and smut, too :)"

8:24pm

ogham alphabet. SO familiar to me!
the beauty of it makes my hart yearn.
i want to explore it more and more.
also fionn's whel and fionn's window.
i am 1/2 watching "american inventor" a new reality show.
kind of interesting.
i hope to go to sleep soon since i only got 4 hours of sleep.
that triple wheel thing, i've already forgotten the nae of it and cannot find it again now, but it is related.
if anyone knows the name of it let me know.
loks like the yellow plastic things you would put into 45 vinyl singles.

i can't remember my dreams except that i know it had to do with all the levels of energy in physical forms.
such as money as energy
food as energy
etc.

i want to remember.
it was so simple and perfect the way it was presented to me in my dream.

7:17pm

sorry i am not saying or do much.
i am still just really fricking sick and utterly miserable :(

6:14pm

fascinating!

http://ogham.lyberty.com/oghamintro.html

http://www.equinox-project.com/ogamscales.htm

4:06pm

didn't get to sleep until 11:30am. slept until now.
considering sleeping more or just staying up.
can't decide. i think sleep, even if this makes my schedule super whacked just because sleep is the one thing that cures me the most.
even tho i still feel heinous, i think i may be over the worst of it because i did not wake up today feeling worse like i did yesterday.
maybe in 2 more days i can be over this?
i pray this will be so.
it's all white out there from snow.
i'm really fruatrated at how i am too sick to go out there and take photos of it.
c'est la vie, i guess.

9:47am

http://treetotem.com/tewillow.htm

this gives me more meaning into my dream i had the other day where someone had made a sculpture of a death scene (possible mine) out of wicker!
verrrrrry interesting!

i was listening to an archived c2c show tonight and this woman was talking about angels and her near death experiences and how she had seen this city made of light and roses and willow trees had special significance there.

i have always had a special bond with willow trees and they keep popping up in weird little places to mean things to me.
i alos had a dream about the healing powers and significance of roses. and this city of light, i know i know that, too.

anyway...i didn't not know the word wicker comes from willow.
and also is associated with death and...tada...once again hecate.

i just thought it so odd that the scultpure of my death and mutilation was made out of wicker.
i don't particularily have a fondness for wicker.
nor to i make baskets or work with wicker.
so i was like, why wicker?
and i didn't see the connection until now.
but i'll have to think on it more.

the willow is even associated with the letter S, whch, again, brings another layer of meaning to my S tattoo.

this also looks interesting. i skimmed it very fast:
http://www.logon.org/english/S/p039.html
i'll go back and read it later.

9:28am

still up still up still up.
insomnia sucksssssssss.
i wrote an email to the person who wrote that article but just saved it as a text file and did not send it.

i want to think of happy things now like crystalline cities made of light and willow trees and roses...

shifting now to there....

8:44am

still up.
augh.

7:33am

still up.
gonna drink some of this alka seltzer cold medicine and then hopefully sleep.
it's snowing outside again.
jason said goodbye to me as he left for work, he is all sick now, too.
the snow is pretty. i wish i was geting up now to watch it instead of going to sleep.
fucked up schedule now.
my nose, throat, and inner ears itch immensely.
the kind of itch that makes you want to ram a toothbrush down your ear to itch your throat.
know what i mean?
maybe not.
the cold medicine makes me sleepy but buzzy and restless.
can't concentrate on anything so youtube is a good place to kill time.
found some great stuff:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCW90kAp5Ek&search=grace%20jones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8thf7TpZYs&search=the%20normal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ENvE0BrHZ8&search=slits

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY8MUGwE9xY&search=ultravox

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g36p2IdEtqQ&search=toyah

the slits interview i can really relate to.
everything they say in it i have said to interviewers ad naseum.
ye olde question "what's it like to be a woman in rock?"
i wonder if they still ask women that question.
it's so bizarre that i lived in a time where people could just not believe that women could "rock".
it wasn't that long ago. just a few short years ago, it feels like.
i remember when the go gos "beauty and the beat" came out and there were rumours that they didn't REALLY play the intruments on the record, that it was really men who did and it was all men "behind" them pulling the strings.
it's such weird thinking.
i don't understand it.
and when bobby z became my manager and i went electronic everyone, even friends of mine, thought bobby z was "controlling" me and MADE me change my musical style. it's so insulting.
as if i have no mind of my own.
and there were rumours going around that the record company had MADE me get a boob job.
for real.
like i have no say in the matter of how i want my music and what i want to do with my body?
there has to be a man behind it all pulling the strings like i am a puppet?
people forget so easily this is not so long ago.
now is "chic" to put women rockers in commercials and as all female bands in the background of a CSI episode.
i wonder when women will stop being treated like such novelties?
i can see things progressing (and at the same time completely regressing , so it's hard to say where women are going these days)...we have such a long way to go.

and then i see grace jones and the slits and just go "ya!" and it gives me strength to carry on.

this article in our local paper here about "women in rock" bugs the shit out of me.
http://citypages.com/databank/27/1318/article14172.asp

no shit it didn't start with babes in toyland here.
did this person do ANY homework writing this article?
it mentions my band , the blue up?, in passing, as if babes in toyland started some sort of all female band explosion.
not so.
my band was around YEARS before babes in toyland.
many many years. as in from 1985.
there was one all female band before us, who were called tetes noir. (oh, i do see now that they did mention them)
and then us, and very shortly after that, the clams, and a little bit later there was smut.
and at the same time as tetes noir there was an all female cover band called the babysitters.
and then this writer completely fails to mention that i won 2 minnesota music awards in 1999 for my record.
jeez louise.

sorry to be such a crank today. but fuck it , i am sicker than a dog and i really hate being glossed over in my local paper after having a musical career here for well over a decade, winning minnesota music awards and being signed to major labels, which doesn't just happen every day, you know.

sorry to be a bitchy diva whiney poodle with a sneezing fit about it.
but just what the fuck?

yes, i feel spurned, and yes i am feeling insecure.
and yes i am still quite bitter about every "women in rock" book that ever came out never mentioned the blue up?
yes, i am having a hissy fit.
yes, i need my ego stroked.
yes, i'd like a little recognition around here.
and yes, i would like my head patted and have some chicken noodle soup with that, as well.
with pink bunny slippers and a shot of morphine, please.

i don't want to be some tragic undiscovered cult status figure sometimes.
god, i sound so completely ungrateful.
and i'm sorry.
pride, one of the deadly sins?
definitely.
it's not pretty to lick ones bitter wounds in public.

detach detach detach.
pride and vanity in this way is not a healthy thing.
i should just go back and delete all of this.
but i won't.
i'll keep it here to remind myself not to be such a silly sourpuss.

i'm just sick is all and feeling awfully sorry for myself.
any little thing can send me off into a little crying fit like a puppy with a stubbed toe.
i do apologize for my diva behaviour
*throws champagne glass dramatically at the wall and shatters it in slow motion*

i also do not like how this writer calls wendy and lisa "prince's girls" and lumps them in with vanity and apollonia. as if.
wendy and lisa had just as much musical influence on prince as he did on them. and he didn't OWN them and calling them "girls" in that context rubs me the wrong way.
and they are not even from here! they are from california!
do they ever call any of the men in prince's band "prince's boys"? no.

ok, i'll just end it here, i could go on a tirade about this forever.
and i've been up all night.

3:59am

insomnia.
my fever seems to have broken finally, tho.
cold sweat and now my temperature is below normal.
weird.

 

 

march 15th , 2006

6:58pm

jason is going to tape ANTM for me. yay :)
but now he thinks he has caught what i have so he is off to the drugstore to buy us both more cold medicine.
poor guy, i feel so guilty for making him sick, too :(
and he is not having a very good day either :(

6:21pm

sorry to be so whiney, but to make matters worse i just opened the back of a package that had a bottle of superglue in it because i wanted to fix a ring i have. and i cut the entire bottle open by mistake, too.
and while i was cutting , not realizing this, i DIPPED 4 of my fingers straight into the super glue.
and so my finger tips now have a big fat coating of the stuff, dried on.
it's going to take FOREVER for that shit to wear off.
fffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkk.
*crawls into a corner*

6:04pm

this day sucks so hardcore.
i feel so awful i just want to cry, but i don't have the energy to.
and, again, for no reason i can see, i cannot get UPN in again.
(to watch ANTM)
it's just a huge noise with a big fat white line across it.
wtf is the deal?
all day i have had to deal with horrible daytime tv and repeats of oprah and it's excruciating.
but to have nothing to look at is MORE excruciating, so i sort of 1/2 watch it just so i can TRY to get my mind off of how fucking shitty i feel.
my eyes burn, my nose burns, i have no appetite, i ache all over, this goddamn cough, my lungs filled with gunk, my nose running, i have a headache and a temperature.
i feel so disgusting.
i'm really glad i didn't have this while the SWAS tour was on, at least.
the whiskey cure was good last night, but the effects do not last, sadly.
when i 1st had a drink of a shot of hot whiskey with water and lemon, my throat felt immediately better and it was such a sweet relief. but then after 20 minutes it just wore off.
and i can't just sit here doing shots of whiskey all day and night so fuck that.
i just have to tough it out.
all bleared out on crappy cold medicine that sort of 1/2 works.
i am downloading some more project runway on itunes but i don't want to sit at my desk to watch them, i want to watch them in my bed.
i wish i had a laptop and i could watch them in bed.

2:44pm

still sick.
feeling totally worse.
temperature still at 100 :(

9:44am

of course!
this is the day they decide to check all the fire alarms.
the dogs go nuts.
i just rubbed vick's vaporrub on my chest and was about to go to the land of nod.
but no...not only firealarms but police sirens.
yippee yippee yay.
pat me on the head.
sad cat, indeed.
i will wear my gun silencer earmuff things.

7:40am

by spiky me	spikyme
sebastian and his favourite toy. "the jack"

wokeup for a sec 'cause i went over to jason's to sleep a bit because i was missing him when i feel sickly.
now i'm home 'cause jason woke up, then i woke up, then i just decided to come home and check in with the pupsters.
all is well.
put my clothes in the dryer.
getting ready to go back to sleep.
i'm still sick as all get out.
this damn exhausting cough.
my lungs are full of crap.
but at least my temp is back to normal.
i'm wearing my pajamas with clouds on them,
i have no plans today except to sleep as much as possible to get well.
Lost is a repeat again tonight. wtf???
grrr.
good old tyme recipe for coughs:
one shot of southern comfort, 1/2 a lemon and 1/2 water. nuke until hot.
it's the only thing i have found, thus far, which brings me instant relief from my coughing spasms long enough that i can fall asleep.
warning: 3 shots will make you so happy that you will propose marriage to your mate.
he declined , of course, because i did not buy him a diamond ring and he was trying to sleep.
understandable.
sorry jason, but i love you more than anything, you are my creature.:) and it was the full moon!
( but my offer still stands :)
and i'm a sick kitty kat.
*meow meow*
i wish i could remember where i found those pix of the weird crocheted things.

http://www.ana2.com/private/swasslideshow/

+++

Horoscope for Aries (March 15 2006)

A strong and challenging influence from Mercury will scatter both your thoughts and your energies today. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as it will temper your more assertive side, which will prove useful this evening when a development in your love life takes a turn for the better!

and

Sharing the day
This is an extremely favorable influence for close relationships and one-to-one encounters of any sort. A marriage or love relationship should go smoothly today, with both of you showing a great deal of affection. If there are any difficulties between you, smooth them out today, because neither of you will want to argue. You will both be much more interested in making peace. This is also an excellent time to make an agreeable impression on someone new. If you have to work within a partnership, where keeping the peace is an important factor in your success, this is an excellent day. Any persons who are normally difficult to deal with will be easy to handle today. This is not a good time to be alone. You are in the mood for relating, and the day will not be complete in any way unless you share it.

and

Lift your head up from your work long enough to see the big picture. You have been so engrossed in details that you are spending too much time on one task that may not ultimately prove to be very important. Take a step back to broaden your perspective and see if you're missing anything significant.

and

Wednesday
Jupiter square Neptune SCORPIO-AQUARIUS 11:01pm PST
Moon into Libra 3:12am PST

First day of the eclipse cycle and Jupiter and Neptune tangle in a square. Truly the things driving us that are out of our control; addictions, habits and mental drives can be exposed and adjusted. With Jupiter and Neptune grappling they will certainly come up. We can just cruise on oblivious and say, "that's just the way I am" or dive into the roots and see if it's really the way we want to be. Often the addiction or action is just a blinking light on the dashboard and not the root or cause. So as the passions flow and the animal comes out take a peek and see what and why it's attracted to consuming certain things and taking certain actions. Comfort or security is the primary motivation even if it appears totally opposite to the condition. It's not drastic adjustments that are effective but slow deliberate and conscious awareness. With this often the things we call 'bad habits' transform themselves instantaneously