march 5th , 2006
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my fave pix from last night

7:32pm

started getting all my lighting ready and all dolled up for tonight's show..but it's a no go.
so....because i am feeling drastically tired i am going to lounge in bed and watch the oscars.
i REALLY hope that they can get connected tomorrow because it's the knitting factory in NYC and i REALLY want that show to work out VERY MUCH!

 

6:09pm

i turned on the pre oscar stuff, and it's all in SPANISH.
what the hell is my tv doing lately?
1st it's describing everything for the visually impaired and now it's ALL IN SPANISH.

insane.
if the entire oscars end up being in spanish on my tv i will scream.

5:53pm

i'm back from the opera. it was mozart.
it was monotonous.
but i was glad to see my dad.
i was starving the entire time i was in there.
all i could think about was eggs, ham, or turkey.
when i came home i slushed down a cup of my soup.
i'm so tired i could go to bed right now.
i'd love to just tuck myself into bed and watch the oscars, even tho i haven't seen any of the movies, and just puff out like the pms girl bloatation device that i am right now.
somehow i have to find the energy to do a show.
i just want to collapse.
it's rain/snow mix out there.
i have a lot to say but no energy or time to say it.
i must get ready for my show.

12:07pm

a really 1/2 snow , 1/2 rain day. yuck.
i am trying to wake myself up to go to the opera with my dad in one hour.
i am so not in the mood.
drinking coffee.
must pay rent.

my dreams were, again, about flooded streets, trying to make it uphill with all these treasures on my back, wading through water and mud that felt like quicksand.

it was chaos.
i had a very tiny baby fetus about as big as a baby mouse.
a queen came up to me and BEGGED me for it because she was unable to bear herself a son, and she desperately needed to.
i agreed that the baby would live a good and happy life with her, and also solve her problems. no one would know it was not hers.
she was elated and even tho she could not produce milk, she put the baby fetus/mouse up to her breast and then dripped formula down her breast so it would drip into it's mouth and seem to come from her.
the baby took it and ate it , hungrily, and i knew the baby would live and was happy.

i then met all sorts of people on my journey through the flooding.
too much to type here as i need to get ready.

i was wearing the weirdest layering of outfits.
i remember i was completelty caked in holographic glitter as i was trying to get the part of playing a 50's cheesecake fetish film about holographic glitter. and i didn't get the part, much to my surprise.

i remember then i was maybe in something like an abandoned train car and i was being held cative by a "mad scientist" , along with several hundred other people, who ha dbeheaded us all, but was keeping our heads alive somehow.
our heads were all on the table trying to talk to each other and figure out how to get out of this mess.
the mad scientist had created another face in the back of our head that was a replica of our faces.
so we had double faces, but only one was functional, and the manufactured ones did not work uyet but the mad scientist was trying to figure how to bring both sides to life.
it was a horrible creepy feeling.

all of a sudden, i can't remember how or why, there was an upset to the balance of the car or soething, like something jerked it and all of a sudden i had my body back or realized that i had always had it but just had been under some drug induced "spell" to think i had no body at all.

other people also started to realize they had bodies, too. and we tried to devise a plan of escape.

i went over in my mind how to do it.
my 1st thought was to seduce the mad scientist, and then right when he was in the middle of pleasure, and off his guard, i would bite his balls off, causing him so much pain, that he would be unable to run after us as we fleed the car.

kind of a gross dream.

 

4:29am

ya, i am happy with my show, overall.
i think to come up with 9 images i am happy with after all the mini disasters, on the fly, within 6 minutes, is pretty fierce.
now i must fall asleep amd sleep a good sleep so i can be assembled for my dad and opera within hours will be quite another accomplishment.
*crosses fingers yet again*

*konks into the bed*

3:22am

as i watch the most recent episode of battlestar galactica i recall the 1st time i saw a person i "knew" dead, in a coffin.
i think we were in 10th or 11th grade. she was my orchestra partner (violin). we didn't have anything in common except for that one thing (that i know of), we didn't speak intimately. yet she was always there, all year, sitting beside me in orchestra.
she was a swimmer. she died one day, immediately, painlessly, from a brain anerism (spelling?)
she was just swimming in our school pool during some sort of race and then, boom, she was dead.
no explanation. no why. just was.
just dead, like that.

i don't even remember her name.
but another friend of mine who i can remember the name but maybe not the correct spelling, chris tuve, we went to the "showing" before the funeral with me. i don't know why. i don't know why we were friends or why we went together.
there was a long line to view her body.
so long it stretched from inside the morgue almost around the block from outside, it seemed.
maybe we were all just young and wanted to see what a dead body of someone we "knew" looked like.
chris tuve and i, before we could even make it into the morgue got the hugest fit of giggles we could not repress.
try as we might we would just burst into tearful laughter and then would have to go hide in the bushes until we had "regained" ourselves.
as soon as we were back in line the giggle fits would hit us again.
people looked at us quizzically. it was embarrassing and i didn't understand what was happening to me.
finally we composed ourselves enough to view the body.
it was then and there i decided i never wanted to view another dead body "in this way" ever again.
because this body was not her, it did not "represent" her.
it was "unnatural"
i was very disturbed by it.
so much so that i did not even go to any funeral of any of my relatives for decades to come because i never wanted to remember them in "that way".
i did go to my grandpa olson's because i dreamt about his death and he visited me in my dreams after his death.
but i refused to view the body.

the only body i viewed after that was sonia's.
which is funny because we both had the same view on death and not wanting to view the body.
and she is the only body i ever touched dead.
i'm glad i did it.
it brought me to another level.
i didn't giggle that time.

+++

The two tracks mixed together
that goes with my cam shows for SWAS:

http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3

Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3

+++

 

Horoscope for Aries (March 5 2006)

You can look forward to a much more enjoyable day today, without any nagging voice urging you towards chores or work. Go out bowling or swimming or whatever takes your fancy, but think before you speak, or your impulsive responses could mean a red face!

and

The thick layer of resistance begins to clear as you are released from a previous commitment. Now that you can see some free time ahead, make plans to be with your friends. But be careful not to put so many things on your schedule that you are again restrained by everything you must do. Too much social activity can be just as oppressive as too much work. Allow room for yourself with nothing to do at all.

and

Sunday
Moon void of course 00:14am PST
Venus into Aquarius 00:39am PST
Moon into Gemini 6:39pm PST

We shift into the welcome sphere of air today with the Moon moving into Gemini in the evening and the early morning the Venus energy shifting to flowing from Aquarius. It could get real chatty today, take care with blurting out what's been bottled up inside. We've usually had lots of conversations about it with ourselves that others haven't been privy to and the opportunity to start in the middle can confuse. Having Venus in the sign of revolutionary possibility will help with all the retrograde energy flying around. So a few heartfelt words can go back in time or project into the future to heal old wounds and forge fresh new and strange alliances.

She is in Aquarius for the rest of the month and early april, so the opportunity is there to apply something that make take a few weeks to sink in. Ways of beautifying and shifting the home environment and the methods of communicating with intimates can be powerfully employed now. It can have lasting effects and with a harmony at home and with our circle of loved ones the outside world can begin to evolve too.