march 4th , 2006
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2:09am

ok, here's the show, 19 of these pix were shown. i do not know which 19. (the 1st 4 i just sort of hold the 1st pose for awhile because i do not know which one "goes through" first.

i really love the detail and ambiance of that shot, but it was probably lost in translation from minneapolis to boston , projected onto a wall by an old projector.
it's my favourite , for some reason, right now at this very minute.

 

2:05pm

i can't get back that cool transparent logo effect i had ever since i rebooted my computer.
grrrrr.
i am downloading the new battle galactica so i can watch that before i go to bed.
i need it.
i've decided i'm siding with the cyclons, is that bad? :)

1:34am

my preshow duct taping of the mirror that fell down and cracked into pieces (you can't really see the cracks until later.)

	vacuum up the splinters
	trying to figure out the box thing
	a telephone? nope.		here i am on the phone with swas discussing my lighting. IN A CARDBOARD BOX
			wha?
is this colour better?		testing out to make sure the names of my friends stand out
		lighting candles burning myself on the wax what am i doing?
talking on the phone to swas. is THIS better?
how about green? better? nope.	it is what it is,

i'll post the actual show tomorrow when i get back from the opera.
goddamn i have a weird life.
i wouldn't trade it in for anything.
well, ya, except probably to be david bowie.
i would like to be him for awhile.
or maybe being bowie is not all it's cracked up to be.
cracked up.
no pun intended.
the mirror..ha!
yuliya and linda, i hope you had a marvelous time at the show.
i hope that all the performers tickled you pink.
i wish i could have been there, like a doppleganger watching it with you.
xox to everyone :)

 

1:05am

i don't know what the hell that was!
looking over the pix now to discern.
in the middle of me picking broken glass off the floor, trying to rethink my entire plan,
light everything, plan what to rewear , or UNwear....
i would get calls from swas saying could i turn up the lighting because their projector was old and dull.
i have like 600 lights on me (of course i exagerrate) and i have the contrast way up like they told me they would like.
i don't know what else to do.
i'm changing from brown to green to see which one they prefer minutes before i am on.
i'm sitting in a carboard box trying to light the damn thing like i envisioned it.
nothing is working. i don't think anyone realized i wqas in a cardboard box.
something to work on. later.
i put the other mirror on the ground to reflect the fractured mirror, hoping i do not break that one as well.
my only way to see what i am doing is to look into the SHATTERED mirror and see the reflection of the viewfinder of the camcorder.
it's a bloody miracle i was able to do this.
but between boston, and old projector, me looking at my reflection in a viewfinder in broken mirror...
well who knows what to god it was.
i DID write yuliya + linda on my hand for my friends who said they would be there, but because mercury is in retrograde who knows if they were! or if my picture made it through.
so anyway hi!
i'm piecing through it , literally.
it's rather poetic actually how my mirror breaks before yuliya and linda see my show because they are the ones, in large part, piecing me back together.
i hope they know and realize this.
meow to you both.
i hope you saw you names written on my hand for you.
i will email it to you.
what a night!

and in 12 hours OPERA with my dad, and then another show.
good lord.
like i need OPERA on top of this.

and i was totally on a roll making more pix after the show was done, and then my computer froze and i had to reboot!

11:29pm

jesus christ. 1 1/2 hours before my show (i am on in an hour now)
my big mirror gets toppled over because i bumped it being in a rush and it shatters into a million pieces also crushing my xmas tree lights at the same time!
now i am glad i do not believe in the 7 years bad luck thing if you break a mirror, but FUCK!
it took me 1/2 an hour to duct tape it back together from the back.
i am a sweaty mess.
everything i was planning on doing has to be rethunk.
it's insane.
i think i got up all the little pieces of glass so that i and the dogs do not get cut.

FUCK.
i am shaking, adrenalin coursing through my veins.
playing david bowie's heathen.

pray i can get my shit together in an hour.

tonight's theme?
"shattered"

2:57pm

i just want to tell you again, about bill nelson, and how fucking fabulous he is.
this album here


called "the love that whirls", which i actually stole back in the early 80's when it came out (it even came with a bonus album of experimental instruumental electronica for Belle et la Bête), it the best thing i have ever stolen. just one of the teenage kleptomania phases, which i very much regret, EXCEPT for the fact that i am really glad i stole this record because it just changed my life, and continues to change my life to this day.
this is an absolute masterpiece from beginning to end and should be up there with sgt. pepper, as far as i am concerned, with greatest albums of all time.
still to this day, it sounds like it could have just come out, he is so ahead of his time.
it is the one of the most deeply erotic, sensual, intricate, delicate, whirling pieces of sound ever created.
and if i ever met bill nelson i would probably weep at his feet for creating it.
it is a cathedral of sound which expresses everything achingly beautiful.
if i could somehow EAT this record, i would.
i want to eat it, lick, it and bite it.
i want to roll around like a stuffed pig in pile of autumn leaves in it.
i want to die in this record and be buried there.

so today, to repay my karmic debt for stealing this record. i am going to go buy this newly remasterd cd of it from amazon. because the time has come that i should fucking PAY for a thing that has given me such tortorous pleasure and pleasureable torture for all of these decades.
it's truly disgusting that i have never paid for this record.
i hope that the karma gods see that i am repaying back my karmic debt to bill belson, and send me his email, because goddammit i just want to thank that charming bastard.

2:25pm

jason made a javascript programme that can play for swas when they cannot get connected to the internet.
i hope the file was not to big for her juno email.
*crosses fingers*
but if they cannot get connected to the internet, then she probably cannot check her email either , so...

trimmed sebastian's fur around his face so he could see better.
he really needs a haircut all over.

cooked more things and added them to my neverending soup.
i think i'll go freeze some.

i'm downloading some bill nelson that i have on vinyl.

and then i think i will just listen to bill nelson and try to get all the dog hair off the carpet, at least in my bedroom.
joy of joys.
or actually i am playing his band Be Bop Deluxe from the early days.
i never much appreciated be bop deluxe, but i really like it more today.
i'm playing the album "quit dreaming and get on the beam"

fitting.

i am PMS girl times infinity. i wish i would get my fucking period already.
and nothing can satiate my hunger.
i could just eat and eat and eat.

my hair is finally long enough for me to stick it in a bun on the top of my head and have it all stay and not fall down here and there.
i have been waiting for that moment for a long time!
i stuck one of my fancy ebony crochet hooks through it.
now if i just had some glasses i could look like a strict schoolteacher.

i'm wearing men's pajamas and it's cold and grey.

tomorrow afternoon i go to the opera with my dad.

12:29pm

i am in love with that green dress.

today i am going to clean like the wind.

my show tonight, if they can get connected, is in
boaston, mass. and not starting until somewhere around midnight.

12:18pm

i had dreams about portal and everything being flooded there.
and a dream about trying to make a mobile home habitibal but it was on uneven ground.
lots of dreams of trains and train tracks and bridges.

+++

The two tracks mixed together
that goes with my cam shows for SWAS:

http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3

Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3

+++

Horoscope for Aries (March 4 2006)

http://my.horoscope.com/gethoroscope.asp?day=4&month=3&year=2006&sign=1

Thanks to both Uranus and Saturn you might find that you'll be torn between doing what you want and what needs doing. So get those outstanding chores out of the way in the morning, which will clear your mind enough, which will enable you to enjoy the rest of the day your way!

and

Weak, transient effect: Tonight you are very sensitive emotionally, but the impressions you receive through your sensitivity may not be very accurate. You have vague feelings about the circumstances and people around you, and you may feel very confused, because you aren't sure whether you are being realistic or unduly suspicious and fearful. Misunderstandings with others are very likely, because you tend to feel that others have unfairly criticized or hurt you, although they have done nothing of the sort. Or you may feel that someone dislikes you for the flimsiest reasons. The reason is that this influence activates your subconscious complexes, which take over your moods and perceptions. Instead of reacting to the reality of what you see, you react automatically to the subconscious process set off by what you see.

and

You may be trying to demonstrate to others how forthcoming you are, but you could benefit by looking at what you aren't saying. Old fears fuel current insecurities, but it's important to note how different things are now. You are safe even if you show someone your vulnerability -- you really are. Remember, you won't dispel the tension unless you risk the consequences of disclosure.

and

Saturday
Jupiter Retrograde 10:02am PST
Mercury square Pluto 2:30pm PST

Jupiter joins Saturn and Mercury in going Retrograde. It lasts longer with outer planets, we're in the middle of a long Saturn phase and Jupiter's won't end until the middle of summer. You can bitch about the flow and current of the river or the lack of wind or you can adjust your craft and sails to it. There is always a time of gestation, does the butterfly thinks it's weaving a coffin or a cocoon. In reality at times of great transformation the saints, savants and samedhi's say it seems like they're dyeing.

Under the waxing Taurus moon and in the beginning of these two retrograde cycles we can look at our life without judgment. In the areas that seem the most infected, crusted, where is the hint of transformation, what is the cocoon or skin that is to be shed. Again these kind of aspects aren't the times listed, they are more accurate beyond exact time, they flavors for awile. A lot of it can be subconscious advertising and take place with little effort, must of the crisis in our lives are at this level anyway.