feb 28th, 2006

11:09pm

holy shit, sometimes you just hit the soulseek motherlode.
a person who has a goldmine of unknown treasures and you have such a good connection to them, download speed-wise...that's it's hard not to just jump out of your seat like a greedy fat pirate and suck everything down as fast as you can.
i have mixed feelings on file sharing.
being a musician, i know that my next album i make, it will be "stolen" and downloaded (one can only hope , in a demented sort of way, because this means that at least people like what you are doing)
but i know that every download is cash out of my pocket.
it's a whole new ballgame now.
for people like me, who've really never made much money from their music, save cash advances you get from your record label in the beginning (which you then must pay back...but if you are dropped, which i was, you don't have to pay it back thank the gods, not like it was every a huuge sum of money but like 5,000 bucks is like a million dollars when you work in retail for 3 bucks an hour, at the time)
file sharing is incredible useful.
you can't lose what you never had. you have everything to gain.
you just want to the word out.

but for people like elton john or billy joel or the latest flash in the pan, it must be incredibly frustrating.

i really have to scan my record contracts sometime and show you all what is in them.
it really is disgusting. and i can't help but cheer a little when this share filing system is slowly eating away at the dinosaur.
because i know that level of non-equalness has got to change.

but it does piss me off how people think "music is free", like air, because they hear it on the radio that means that it is like air...something untangible that is just "there" that no one ever put their (literally) blood sweat and tears into.

if i really got on the illegal downloading bandwagon, for ethics and morals sake,
i think i would just end up shooting myself in the head.
because it would be just too painful to see how little people care and how entitled they feel they are.

like me eating the chicken.

it's no different. i know it's terrible terrible horribly wrong on many levels.
yet i know that if i stop and becme a vegan or a person against illegal downloading, i will, very literally, die.
because my head would explode.

so in a weird and fuct up way i eat chicken and illegally download in order to live.
which is completely illogical and nonsensical.

but it works and it keeps me alive.

and i just *surf* on that "hippy" hope that there IS enough for us all.
and when i make new music, by the grace of god go i....
and if i get eaten by a tiger then so be it.

i just...it's all about grace and thankfulness and intent, in the end for me.

for me that is.

i wrestle with this.

that wasn't very succint but what can i say?


9:39pm

mutant garlic!

that is just ONE clove of garlic!
it's as big as an onion!
i stuffed that chicken with all 3 cloves.
YUM!

 

8:58pm

did you know there is an institute for SALT?
everything you ever wanted to know about salt

clicking on the salt graphic there linked me to some weird msn thing (why??)
which linked me to this:
http://encarta.msn.com/media_461546872/Lucas_II_by_Chuck_Close.html

i found the salt place from coast to coast am site.

i am going to go bake my chicken now.

tomorrow i will bake quail eggs, i think they will look lovely on the hat.
i will somehow get them on there....using..umm...i don't know yet...

i am majorly craving salt because i have pms.

i basically just want chicken and salt.

i bought some huge garlic called "elephant garlic"
i will have to take a picture of it.
i think i will add that to the chicken.

i love to bake chicken with garlic on cold winter nights.
it's comforting.

not very comforting for the chicken, tho.

 

8:49pm

ah, i just found out how to get my quail eggs "hollow" without puncturing them and blowing out the yolks.
i knew there had to be a way.
you can bake them at a low temp of 200 degrees and the insides will just shrivel into a hard pebble.
so, pinkveneer, i think your hat shall have silk cocoons and quail eggs on it somehow :)

8:45pm

god, i want this!

8:15pm

between teeny theaters and those last 4 photos, it gives me ideas for future cam shows :)
i totally want to cut my hair somehow, but i said i would not cut it until i was 40.
how any days until i am 40?
48 days!
holy shit!
that really just snuck up on me.
i have 48 days to get my shit together to start my movie and drive to portal.
freak me right out.
48 days left of being a "30 something"
wow.
how, just how does it happen?
48 days where i have SO MUCH TO DO.
make wardrobe. map EVERYTHING out.
draw diagrams.
make a giant bono?
figure out how to get a ladder on the car or rent a u haul.
just what the fuck am i doing?

oh god, i was looking for a meat tenderizer at target (where we went food shopping...i'm still not used to these "super targets")
and i said out loud to jason (who was a bit in front of me so i said it quite loud)
"i want a big meat tenderizer so i can whack the hell out of my meat!"

hahaha :)
this 16 year old boy gave me the most surprised look.

i was like, uh, i didn't really intend for that to come out of my mouth like that :)

7:10pm

they cannot get connected tonight either because their cable broke so tomorrow they have to go buy a new one.
that was what was wrong last night but they didn't find out until today.
also, i guess some of my shows the refresh has been like every 1 minute because they do not have a good enough connection.
so much for my shows having any continuity whatsoever.
i wonder now even who saw what?
i should just not make any captions for my photos anymore.
because if people are only seeing every 3rd sentence, no wonder there is confusion over what i am doing sometimes.

welcome to my world of amazing technology.

if people just did would i do for a week they would understand why it is the way it is and why i do it the way i do it.
i just have to laugh when people are giving my suggestions of how i could be on a cam show exactly like the one i manufactured for this post:
http://ana.livejournal.com/1727843.html

no one understands the inner workings of my cam and the cam software and it capabilities and what one can humanly do within 20 seconds. it's comical , really.
someday i will make a movie of just how fast you have to move and then holllllllllddddddd the position.
very very fast and then very very slow.
people are like, can't you just project that behind you or print up huge banners that say these things?
ya sure, please send me a printer that prints things 4 feet in diameter or so so it EXACTLY fits into the frame.
bring someone over to EXACTLY hold it while i get into EXACT position.
what do people think i am, shiva with tons of arms and legs, multitasking capabilities of superman?
what do i have the technical crew for laurie anderson over here or even a budget for a projector or a giant printer?
try being a model, making sure each photo is lit properly and looks nice, taking our own photo and all you can see is a viewfinder.
wriing TEXT at the same tie and GUESSING where that text might look like on your photo and then post "around" text that does not even exist yet.
it's crazy.

sorry i am just PMSing over here like a madwoman.
but at least i went food shopping.
and so i have that.

i just have to get done sulking here about another night where i cannot do my show for the sex workers arts show.
it sucks sucks sucks.
SUCKS.

*MAJOR PMS SULKING ACTION*

so i may do a cam show tonight or i may not.
i'm just not sure.
my mood is not great right now.
i am very disappointed.

i'm going to watch american idol and bake a chicken.

i bought all this food for tonight's show, too.
like i bought a ton of danishes :)
i really couldn't let time go by without getting in a pointless danish/roses of the prophet mohammed boob joke, you know?
how could i not? :)

 

4:49pm

tried to take a nap but all i could do is think about is how the start of my movie is only a month and 1/2 away and how desperately behind i am in making stuff for it.
so rearranging all that in my head.
and then going over all the different ways i could do my cam show tonight.
i still am not totally happy with how to make a cam show that is only 18 photos, do every photo perfectly and make each caption fit on the page perfectly.
so every show is trial and error.
now jason is on his way home.
i squished into my jeans and i really hope the weight i have gained is just because i have major PMS right now.
because my jeans are soooo tight.
i'm too tired to go food shopping but i have to do it.
and i have to get the dogs food. they have just been eating wheat bread today (which they don't seem to mind at all).

i have 12 quail eggs. if i just let them sit out for about a year would they eventually just dry up on the inside on their own?

3:47pm

ok maybe a small nap and THEN food shopping at 4:44pm
and then take out more trash, take a bath and get ready for my show.
good lord WHY am i so tired?
i feel like i have been drugged kind of tired.

 

3:38pm

nope, i'm keep on trucking, did the credit cards. took out the trash.
must take out more trash.
then take a bath.
then i will go food shopping with jason because food is pretty important.
and then get ready for my show.
i need coffee.
i wish i had some red bulls.

3:16pm

i think taking a nap is winning out over me getting anything else done.
i can feel my body screaming at me to sleep.
so i better sleep unless i want to catch a cold that i feel on the verge on.
i refuse to get a cold.
no way.

2:52pm

ate a sardine sandwhich. at least that is a small step to getting outside and getting so many erands done.
i feel like i could go right back to sleep.
i want my house to magically clean itself, like something on the jetsons.
jason is going to go food shopping after work.
i really want to go with because i have no food except for a few more cans of sardines and some noodles.
but i'm worried about money, and i need to prepare for my show, plus i am just so stupidly tired it's ridiculous.
i think i am rundown for sure.
i will go take a vitamin.

2:08pm

1:48pm

submitted photos to self portraits, photography and gothic babes.
hope to get some more traffic.
when i deleted everyone off my friends list last month in a fury, and unjoined all communities, i've been slowly joining them back again.
weird tho because you have to be approved to join show your pussy and i was denied. wtf?
also i am banned from show your boobs because i went off on some guy for showing pictures of his hard penis in that community, and i did not think that was appropriate for a show your boobs community.
and that got me banned. oh well.
that is the only community i have ever been banned from and how ironic that it is THAT one of all places.
sent off pix to my yahoo group begging for people to join.
please please please dear universe let today be the day that any people join, i must pay rent!
and please please please will lionbrand please send me the cheque they owe me!
gah!

*wheels and deals*

i must get off my ass today and somehow either make it to the bank or the p.o. or both.
i just have to DO IT.

yay, one person joined so far!
go universe go!
woo hoo!


1:11pm

tonight i play in baltimore, maryland...
that is if they can get connected to the internet.
i feel a bit rundown.

mouseovers:


 

12:53pm

"perfect in any weather"

http://www.alhannah.com/cgi-bin/avg?a;niqab

i really want one for my cam shows.
and then you are supposed to wear a hijab underneath it, TOO?

then i need this , as well:

http://www.alhannah.com/cgi-bin/avg?a;niqab

interesting read:

http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0110/p1s4-wosc.html

"After a few hours beneath the burqa, my sight has adjusted and my feet seem to have grown eyes. But my shoulders are sore from the dozens of men who have bumped into me full force. After two weeks as a foreign woman in Afghanistan, no man has ever bumped into me before. Now, in my burqa, I cannot pass five minutes without being plowed into. Does this mean, as I suspected, that women here, faceless under the burqa, may as well be invisible? Or is this just bodychecking for fun?

Marzia insists that it is the latter. "It's true," she says. "Men like to bump into women in the market a lot." It is the only way, she explains, they can touch women to whom they are not related."


12:25pm


akachan!

interesting links found today:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/metamorphosis_gallery/
http://www.orlan.net/
http://www.titletrader.com

 

 


+++

The two tracks mixed together
that goes with my cam shows for SWAS:

http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3

Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3

+++

Horoscope for Aries (February 28 2006)

Flexibility, when it comes to relationships, is not one of your strongest points but it will definitely be required today. There is a strong possibility that some of your close friends will get stressed out today and you will be called upon to be the voice of reason.

and

Stormy weather
Weak, transient effect: This morning you will have to be quite careful, because you are emotionally excitable and impulsive. In your contacts with others you will seek excitement and stimulation, and thus you may attract people who are quite different from your usual crowd. You may even be quite upset by these new people, but you should realize that they are filling a real need in your life now. Or you may act disruptively in your current relationships. It is not exactly that you are trying to start a fight, but in talking with someone you may stir up feelings that cause a fight to begin unintentionally. Consequently this can be a stormy period in relationships. If anyone tries to restrict you, your reaction will be very negative, even if the restrictions are in your best interests.

and

Although you appear direct, there's much now that goes on beneath the surface. It may be time to look at what motivates you to keep secrets from others. Or perhaps it is someone else who is hiding from you. Either way, it's more important to acknowledge the situation than it is to expose everything.

and

Tuesday
Mercury square Pluto 6:39am PST
Mars sextile Saturn GEMINI-LEO 10:21am PST
Mercury sextile Venus PISCES'CAPRICORN 2:06pm PST
Moon void of course 8:41pm PST


This is a busy day. We put down the numbers 'cause the satellites make is so but with outer planet aspects is even more a field of energy then a moment. Along with the listed aspects the moon makes four other touches with a direct conjunction Mercury who is also in Pisces. So it is the season of intuition, a of visionary and fantasy. It can give some emotional or mental whiplash as we are always flavored by the last talisman you found on the street, intimate thing you discovered about your emotional make up, or one of many varieties of the depth and swiftness of the waters of Pisces. The day is begun with the hard aspect of Pluto squaring Mercury.

This could be a day that some locked up international secrets hit the press. It doesn't have to be dirty laundry could be fresh as by afternoon PST it's Mercury and Venus so it could also be of the compassionate progressive for the overall good too. The flavor of the 12th house is deep though. You can say Pisces smishies but if you're open to it you can get a lot of revelation in an instant.