| feb
20th, 2006 |
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11:31pm
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i feel a lot better now. more stable.
i feel i did a good show, as short as it was.
i make my pain and awkwardness work for me and, along with humour, that is
the key, usually.
the faces of pain were real because i burnt myself on the second cigarette
and the smoke was getting in my eyes and i was coughing and it was miserable.
i wanted to stuff my mouth full of 20 cigarettes, but 2 more mor than i could
handle.
tomorrow i have another day off and then i think it's 17 shows in a row til
the end on march 11th.
next show ...new orleans...
that will be an uplifting shoe, i hope, because new orleans has already senn
anough pain. i don't want to add to it.
they need some peace.
i'm watching a show about amber on pbs.
i love amber.
8:47pm
the panic attack show
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for austin , texas
6:49pm
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5:19pm
i feel really panicky today and horrid.
yesterday was so nice because i had no show and i needed a break from that.
and today i am just feeling an all out panic attack about tonight's show.
i just feel like crying and cannot calm down. my heart is beating so fast.
it's so dumb but it's just the uncertainty of everything.
if i just knew one way or the other if i will be going on tonight and if it
will all work out and if i knew a time i would feel so much better.
it's so very difficult for me to deal with this limboland.
i want to curl up in a corner and just shut off.
i feel nauseous and dizzy.
i can't get comfortable. everything feels "wrong".
i pace around the room, my heart racing.
i just want this day to end.
3:57pm
mouseovers:
+++
The two tracks mixed together
that goes with my cam shows for SWAS:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3
Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3
+++
Horoscope for Aries (February 20 2006)
It looks like you might be in for a bit of a rough day today. An opposition between your ruling planet and the moon indicates potential conflict, most likely from someone you usually regard as a source of support and comfort. Don't be alarmed; this will right itself tomorrow evening.
and
A marvelous effect
Valid during several months: This influence arouses the creative and romantic
imagination, either giving you a greater appreciation for and sensitivity
to beauty, with a strong desire to be surrounded by it, or sending you off
into a pleasant daydream. If you experience the first response, make an effort
to expose yourself to art, music or poetry today, because they will have a
marvelous effect upon your consciousness. Aspects of reality and perception
that you are normally not aware of are yours under this influence. Even placing
yourself in beautiful surroundings, such as a pleasant country spot, a beautiful
garden or a striking landscape, will have a very powerful effect upon you.
In relationships this influence gives you an acute sensitivity to the needs
and feelings of your loved ones.
The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Venus Sextile Neptune exact at 15:52
activity period from end of November 2005 until 22 February 2006.
and
You may try to show your emotions
today, but you could easily filter out the difficult feelings by withholding
them from others. Secrets are being kept -- either by you or from you. Force
yourself to tell more than is comfortable. And if you feel like you don't
have all the facts, dig harder until you unearth everything you need to know.