feb 17th, 2006
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10:42pm

my show was cut down to 5 1/2 minutes.
i was told this 7 minutes before i went on that this was done.
i said ok take 2 or 3 minutes out like we discussed. but take out FIVE minutes of my show?
that is 1/2 my show!
so that is like 15 pictures now.
i don't know which 15 pictures made it to them.
here is just my favourites from what i did.
i'm a little depressed.
i know people have short attention spans, and i am not the coordinator or boss or anything of this tour.
it's annie's tour and i accept that.
what she says goes and is ultimately up to her.
i understand she has to do what she has to do.
i would probably do the same thing in her position, because she is the one who ultimately oversees everything.
and it is up to her how things should be presented.
i understand all that and i support her vision. and i am happy to be on this tour in any capacity.
i am grateful.
but damn, i just have to say that hurts a little and i am trying to adjust to this.
i know i am not everyone's cup of tea and as i have gotten older i have gotten more "difficult" in my art.
it was easier when i was younger and things i made were more understandable.
but now i like to challenge myself and my viewers quite a bit more.
it's not about the quick "fix" but about the process, as long and arduous as it may be (and if you think 10 minutes is arduous, i must laugh).
it's weird. at one level i feel challenged, and this keeps me going on another level i feel...just....
trying to grasp what is going on, feeling completely blind about all of it, because how can i know?
i am not there.
this both intrigues me and also frustrates me.
i have a lot more to say but i will stop here.
i'll be better in the morning.
i'm just having a sulky diva hissy fit right now.
all is well.
i will adjust.

 

9:37pm

i think my show will be going on in about 1/2 an hour.
it's going to be a more relaxed one, in the bath.
all the cams will be going because in the bathroom i cannot hear the chillcam "ding" when i picture is taken.
so it makes no snese to turn off any so i only hear one ding (hard to explain what it is i exactly do and listen for).
there won't be any text or "message" to it. it's just going to be relaxed and dreamy and hopefully pretty :)
i need to do a relaxed one after last night's intense one.
it'll also probably go on for longer than 10 minutes because i'd just like to soak in the tub and relax.
so it won't really have a definitive ending to it.

i forgot also, that on the cam i can get into the bathroom, the viewfinder is broken and so i won't really be able to tell what i am doing either.
so all of it is just going to be based on luck and chance.

6:21pm

woa..went outside! i forgot how cold below zero feels!
your ears, fingers, nose, everything just turns immediately almost frostbitten.
the hairs in your nose freeze! it's hard to breathe because the air is such a shock to the lungs.
you shake all over. people are RUNNING not walking to get the heck to whereever they are going.
sooooooooo cold!!!!!!!

4:59pm

it's so cold out. it's 6 below zero right now.
windchill minus 34.
it's going to get colder than that, too!
frost is forming on my windows.

i'm going to do a really low key show tonight.
something opposite of last night.
like a coloured bath with red rose pedals.

1:32pm

i put SO much energy in last night's show that today i must just rest until i have another one tonight.
the one tonight should be even earlier because i am only 1 hour later than they are instead of 2 and the show starts at 7.
so i am thinking i may be on about 9pm CST, or somewhere around there.

+++

The two tracks mixed together
that goes with my cam shows for SWAS:

http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3

Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3

+++

Horoscope for Aries (February 17 2006)

You will feel the effects of your ruling planet in your second house when money issues take center stage today: there's a danger that you could become a little too cash focused in your attempt to gain more. However it looks like you'll get what you want; although there's a risk you'll upset a couple of people.

and

In the background
Valid during several weeks: Fortunately, with this transit you will have a strong desire to experience life on a feeling level, and this is just what you need. One very real possibility at this time is that an encounter with someone will produce the need for very searching psychological self- inquiry or will force very powerful changes in your life. This person may challenge your value structure, or there may be a powerful intermeshing of your personalities. On the material plane, this transit can be a time of great concern about finances or resources held jointly with another person, such as a spouse or business partner. By itself, this is neither a good nor a bad indication; it simply makes the issue important. You may also be worried about trying to borrow money or get financial backing from a bank.

and

You are typically headstrong and in the coming weeks it may feel as if several heads are driving you in different directions. You may be selling your ideas so hard that others think something is out of balance. If your energy is scrambled, it can surely interfere with your work unless you find a way to focus. Enjoy the newfound freedom, but don't fritter away what is most important.

and

Friday
Moon in Libra
Mars into Gemini 2:44pm PST

Now in the end of Libra the moon aspects Neptune and Venus. We have visions of wild ways to bring beauty into our lives, through people, events and things. The simpler the better; a joyous meal isn't hinged on the expense laid out on the table spread but the people that sit at the table, the hearts and minds that mingle. Mars changes signs this afternoon. After giving us a review on the areas of our bodies that are sensitive and causing quite a few some minor but painful energies now the shift of the most forceful of planets is into Gemini the rhelm of speech and communication. So if you've been sitting on anything now is the time to stand up and let it free. Writers, poets and artist take heed and use this energy to move projects forward and bring them from the mind/soul into the physical rhelm. It's such a vibrant energy that you can ride it to overcome that internal critic that likes to serve up opinions even before the piece has begun. Just create, regardless of where it will be published, hung or viewed, that is all in the future. Stay gripped on this Martian energy in the present and just see how much can be crammed into it. Mars is in Gemini until the middle of April.