feb 12th, 2006
past anagrams	menu	utb

10:29pm

it's funny because i had just reconciled how i was going to do the show, too.
but it's ok, i can do it tomorrow.

i forgot that i downloaded the last episode of Lost off itunes and i haven't watched it yet.
i am going to watch that now, instead, and then go to bed.

10:17pm

set my alarm for 7:30am because it takes me 1 1/2 hours to wake up if i actually have to be coherent.
and as expensive as it is, i better be REALLY coherent :)

9:56pm

they called me just now to tell me that they cannot get an internet connection tonight where they are.
which is weird because this is a university. you'd think a university would have an internet connection.
so much for modern times.
how entirely backwards of this place.
how frustrating it must be for the tech people on tour to try to figure out ways to get a connection and then they can't.
but ya, the good news then is now i can go to bed early and be AWAKE for my over the phone consultaion/healing/therapy session with yuliya.
so...i let the rest of this day go.
there is nothing ore i can do.
i'm watching sex and the city and then going to BED!

i will make up not having a show tonight for ana2 members by making another show on another day or just make one go twice as long tomorrow.

*HUGE SIGH*

ok, that's it!

goodnight. c'est la via.

i send good vibes to all the other performers who are there tonight and hope that everything else goes smoothly for all of them and they get a good reception from everyone!

9:49pm

in GOOD news i sold the tree octopus hat today to a friend and so that makes up for the $ lionbrand did not pay me for the thing i made them that i was counting on.
so...THAT is good.
a very very good thing.

9:24pm

no word yet on when i go on tonight.
but i'll let you know when i hear anything.
watched a film called "the king of masks" and then a short documentary on laibach.
my stomache has been upset all day.
i'm nervous and restless and tired.
i tried to take a nap but i couldn't.
i think tonight's show will be very....i don't know.
i have a few thoughts about it swimming abut in my head.
i wasn't happy with last night's, for me.
i have NO idea what anyone else thought about it.
i'm assuming, i guess, that most people thought it was not very interesting, but i could be wrong.
i just have no idea.
so all i can is, for ME, as i sit in my silent room of no feedback is that *I* did not feel right about it.
it felt forced.
like i was just running around trying to "do stuff" for the sake of doing stuff.
and that is not very satisfying to me.
it's very challenging to be spontaneous at a certain time.
and even worse when that certain time decides IT will be spontaneous and NOT be at a certain time.
and i am left waiting trying to "hold the energy" of what i want to do until someone says "ok do it now!"
i feel like a bull in a pen or a racehorse at a track with no knowledge of when the gate will open.

i am just feeling vulnerable these days anyway and so this is mixing all in.
and in 10 hours i have to be awake again to have this session with yuliya which i am nervous about but shouldn't be, but i am because i just do not understand it all.
i feel awkward in everything right now and i would love to hide in a cardboard box.
in fact, if i had a cardboard box right now that is exactly where i would be.

my typing about it now is just a way to try and release my nervous energy but i don't know is this is helping.
i feel completely in bondage and imprisoned yet at the same time completely vulnerable and naked in the middle of desert.

i'm trying to figure out how to take this energy and flip it around and make it work for me instead of me just sitting her feeling swallowed up and controlled by it.

how do i take all this awkwardness and vulnerability and turn it to my advantage?
that is the million dollar question right now.

5:41pm

an article about the sex worker's art show

2:39pm

ok, i am going to lay down now.
i need to just rest and process.
it's difficult to take in this healing with yuliya and also keep my eye on the ball for this tour.
even tho it is not a physical tour in the normal sense of the word.
i still feel it in a physical form that is hard to express, as well as, as i said before , the emotionalness of it.
just..all of this. is a lot.
and my dreams...that was being in an intense warzone for many hours.
i need to rest.
come back together.
not fragment. feel safe.

2:02pm

also i remember talking to graham day of the prisoners in my dream.
but i don't remember more than that.

also something about being in my granfather's garden.
i wish i could remember the details of that because i know that was full of stuff i want to remember.

i can't remember if things were already harvested. or i they were about to be harvested but the garden was ruined by swamplike conditions.
or some had been harvested and some had been ruined.

i do remember bein pricked by roses at the edge of the garden.

i remember cornstalks tramped down.
i don't know if they were just ruined or trampled because they had been picked.

i wasn't to say there was a lot of gourds in there. pumpkins or melons or something.

by typing this i am trying to jarr my memory.
i remember carrots.
i think the carrots were good.
they were small but good.
i remember telling him i wish that he had planted peas because i love fresh peas.

there was a cemetary nearby connected to a huge church that was really a place where the masons met to do satanic rituals. i remember tryin to et in to get a good look. but then getting lost and not being able to find my way out. then i was in a mall. or in this place where i am always etting lost in my dreams.
this highway and exists. i don't knwo which one to take.
my path takes me to many rivers and cliffs.
everythin frightens me.
i don't know where i am going or if i will take the right exist or run into someone who will try to harm me.

i always want to go to the cliff and look at the beautiful view but i am afraid of human predators.

that's all i can remember right now.

i'm frying eggs and listening to the cocteau twins.

1:36pm

i am putting at the bottom of this page what was given to me via email from yuliya.
in case you woul like to know more about her and the principles she works with.
although it is not said precisely as i believe (for one i woul not call god a he nor think of "him" as an entity...but because of other things i believe in, this seeming paradox for me, does not get in "the way" of what i believe and i can accept it in my own way)

i can't even remember what i typed to you the last few days.
everything has been a blur that i am coming out of.
but it was interesting to learn that the reason i am "attacked" is not because i make myself to "big", but because i make myself "too small".
the attacker seeks out this vulnerability. when i am as "big" as my natural state wants to be, then things will be ok. because this is a universal law that the universe supports.
i have always thought it is that when i become too big (and also i am afraid of being too big, energetically speaking, because i have been so invaded and violated, i feel like i do not want to take up any space for fear that i will perhaps hurt others in my bigness". as i have been hurt.)
so it is very comforting to me to learn this extremely logical thing.
the universe DOES want me to be truly "me", why else would i even be here then?
it is natural an right that i take up my onw space as big as i want it to be and this will NOT harm others.
because everyone else has their own space, too, naturally, that i cannot invade.
so i do not need to worry about my space invading others space.
i'm not saying this completely right, but it is something i will maybe be able to articulate better later on.


but right now i nee to go lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling and ground myself.

and for those of you who want to read the thing, it's at the very bottom of this page because it's kind of long.

but i definitely do feel as if i have been dragging this other "energy field" or whatever you want to call it, that is not mine and fighting with it, to no avail.
and so it's so cool to learn about this and see that my feelings on this ARE correct.
through my dreams and intuitions, i could feel that whatever i was battling was something that was not OF me, it wasn't mine at all.
and it was totally hindering me from being truly myself.

i have hope now and do not feel so "insane" for thinking this way.
because a lot of people like to treat the symptoms of the problem and not the problem itself.
and this gets nowhere.

i guess, again, it is "good" (but not really because it's painful as hell) to learn about this so that i can then understand energy better and how it works, which i know is my life's work.
but i certainly want to choose to learn things in a JOYFUL way from now on and not this horrible ass painful shit i have been going through and then it also effects others.
and i'm not going to get into it anymore than that now.

it's funny, too, that this women takes a kabbalistic approach and i did not even know that.

i do have one problem with the text she sent me and that is says this:

"if it were that easy to penetrate one’s energetic space with harmful intent, none of this drama around the rituals would be necessary. This is why many cultures share a belief in the following common wisdom - you are affected by a superstition, unless you did not know about it. If you did not know and therefore did not believe – the belief has no power to weaken or control. "

and then at the end for her ritual it says this:

"The following affirmation is created to enable you to reclaim the ownership of your body and your energetic space. It sounds very simple, but it is remarkably effective in utilizing the universal energies to help you gain the results you want. This is more than a typical affirmation, and it does much more than influence the thoughts that occur in your mind. When you say this affirmation, it invokes a universal principle, a major force that is a part of a dynamic universe, and it changes the nature of the physical reality of your life. Do not worry about believing or understanding how it works. It does not matter. It will work because you are connecting to something that is already there for you. Because of its universal nature - this technique is appropriate and will work for anyone.

This is truly exciting news, because the implication of this miraculous self-preserving mechanism – is that your body already knows exactly how to protect itself. You do not need to work hard to figure out how to do it. "

i will ask her about this tomorrow.

1:28pm

talkin back and forth with the audience via chat has shown not to be a viable option due to not having a wireless keyboard for the audience, etc.
but before the show i have been hanging out in efnet #anacam a bit before my show.
in case you'd like to be there tonight.
i can't promise anything over how busy i will be in getting ready or what will happen.
but just to let you know it is there.
when i am in there tonight i will make a post here about to tell you that i am in there.
you can download IRC at www.mirc.com
or www.ircle.com for mac.

11:51am

the cam show from last night is in yesterday's anagram.

i took some tylenol pm before i went to sleep last night and it really zonked me out and i still feel rather spaced from it. i haven't taken that stuff for many months and now i remember how zombified i am when i wake up from it.

i hope tonight's cam show will not have all the technical difficulties that it did last night (they could not get an internet connection..but then finally in the end it worked out....i think...i hope...i am not sure...i have not heard anything from anyone about it)

i know i keep saying this, but it is just so weird to know you are playing to an audience every night but i can't see them or their reaction, how my cam is being projected, how many people are there, who are the other people i am touring "with".
on one hand, it's nice to be home, and on the other hand i knwo i am missing out on a HUGE chunk of the entire experience because i am not in the van (or bus..i don't even know what they are driving in!) riding with them. i am not eating with them or being with them in any way.
so there are good parts to this and also frustrating parts.
i wish they all had an internet connection all day so i could type to them all day about everything and just get to know everyone.

i suppose i will get used to this feeling and get the hang of it all once i keep doing this. i do have 24 to 25 shows to go!
that is surreal to me.

i don't know if i will do something different eahc night or just perfect on what i am already doing.
i suspect i will do things a little differently each night, for the sake of keeping ME interested and also for all you ana2 members who will be watching them all, either live or archived.
but some will have to be the same because otherwise that is over 4 hours of material. and that is a lot to come up with.

and it's nice to have it only be 10 minutes, but again, it's so much preparation for 10 minutes both physically, emotionally...
and right when it gets done is right when i feel i am getting into the "swing of things".
but again, i'm sure i will find a rythym to this as time goes by.
it's good to be challenged.
i just make it look easier than it actually is.

(if there are a lot of "g"s missing from my journal entries it is because the g i have to hit extra hard to make show up.
i need a new keyboard.

tomorrow i have another telephone appointment at yuliya cohen at 9am.
so for sure no tylenol pm tonight or i will not even be aware of anything as she is talking to me.
i am sure my show will go on late again tonight, and then to be awake and able to work on healing myself at 9am seems a tall order to me right now.

last night was epic nightmares, again, of course.
but there was tiny amounts of hope here and there within it...sort of.
first of all i dreamed that a nuclear bomb went off.
and it made the shape of the 2 twin towers collapsing.
just 2 pitch black pillars of smoke both falling down and also billowing up.
then right after 2 twin tornadoes came and demolished everything a few minutes later. and then i am not sure, but 2 MORE twin tonadoes might have come after that, but i guess i don't know because i was running for my life by this point.
trying to get away from the radiation.
trying to see which way the wind was blowing so i could go in the opposite way of the radioation. but i could not tell so i just ran.
i was running with a group of people and we did not know if we should just keep running or find shelter. and if shelter, then which kind?
could any kind of shelter work?
everything was completely demolished. the windows to all the skyrises were blown out.
here and there i would crawl under things that had been demolished.
and i would find dried beans.
i was wearing a dress and would put as many beans as i could in the folds of my dress.
but i knew that we would not survive if we did not find a water supply that was not contaminated. and also we needed fire to boil the water.

i was running out of energy and i could barely run anymore.
i thought maybe i should just lay down and die because there is nothing more i can do. so i laid under a demolished underpass as i tried to discern whether tornadoes were gone or if they were still happening. it did not matter too much anymore since i just could not run anymore. so whatever was going to happen.

oh, i do remember at one point in the dream being on railroad tracks and finding a big knife. i thought that would be good to protect myself with or help to cook later or make shelter.
i remember crying my heart and guts out "mommie mommie mommie..."
screaming for her to help me but she was no where to be found.
i was completely hysterical. (i don't know why it wants to be spelled with an ie and not like mommy, but that is the way i see it in the dream)

when i collapsed under the underpass i was naked and i was with bono, from U2, who was not naked.
i held on to him because he needed to be held and i also needed someone to hold me.
but it felt more like i was just holding him than it was equal.
and then he realized he was attracted to me and he asked me "does this mean we are not going to pretend i am your fraternal brother anymore?"
which i meant to mean that before we were pretending he was my real brother, or adopted brother, but in fact he was neither.
he was just a guy who was not part of my family but we had been pretending he was.
and this was good because i didn't want him to be my brother. i wanted him to be my friend.

but then he just started talking about himself and about how when he drinks he kind of goes crazy.
and i said, that is really weird because the same thing happens to me.
and we wondered about this both in our separate ways, both wondering if there was some sort of solution to this or if it should just be as it is and we will know we always have each other regardless.

we never reached a conclusion on that.
but i was glad we were at least talking and weren't going to pretend anymore.
plus i though, hey maybe i will get to be a guest singer on U2 albums now.
that is if we survive this nuclear holocaust, find drinkable water, and a safe place to live and do not die from the tornadoes.

i think this relates to the other dream i had where i was tryin to work on a new record but the person i was workin on it with was my brother and also trying to rape me whenever we were in the studio trying to record.
then there was the manager and the psychiatrist and i think these were all 4 aspects of me.
and then there was the 5th aspect which was just me watching these 4 parts of me.

and i'm not going to go into how these are fit together and how this applies to myself right now and what i am working through and why i am working with yuliya right now .

but it all fits in.
i have had this aspect of myself which is self sabotaging and pretty much completely revolves around when they guy busted in my house and sexually assaulted me and tried to rape me.
an then all these other ba experiences i ha had with men, and how this has furtherly traumatized me so that now i have post traumatic stress syndrome about it.
and i have been working this all out in some pretty weird and sefl destructive ways in hopes to get resolution on this.

i don't think i will ever have resolution.
but i do know that this guy out energy in me on that day that was been whirling around in me and twisting up my insides like an everlasting hollow point bullet.

and so we are working now on getting rid of that energy. because that energy isn't mine.
and i think that is what my dream meant when 1st it was the brother who was a rapist but was adopted...i had adopted this rapist's energy and it was sabotaging me.

and then with this dream, he became bono, someone i actually like because (and i know this sounds so cornball to say) he and i have a lot of things in common (at least in my mind). and i won't go into why because it will just sound ridiculous.

but this was my brain, anyway, showing me this side of me in a more friendly way and that i would also make no mistake that this was an aspect of me since i identify with bono in many respects.

and then furtherly good that at least we both agreed he was NOT my brother, not by blood nor adoption, to signify that even tho this energy was "me" it wasn't of my "heritage".
but i do hope it gets to a part where we are equal.
first it was not equal because he woul not try to talk to me and just try to rape me.
now he talks to me and doesn't try to rape me but doesn't give me love back, i just give him love...and then he talks about himself a lot and ignores me, and i try to be patient but i'm just needing to be held.
plus i do not like the fact that i am naked and he is not.
that shows unequalness right there.

it's complicated. and too much to go into.
exhausting.
i just want to go lay down on my bed right now.
it DOES feel like i am in a warzone right now trying to dodge radiation poisoning and tornadoes.

but the towers plus the tornadoes is:
11:11

twin towers, twin tornadoes.

11:11 is an awking or a portal.
so...something is shifting around in me for the good, i think.
but i am still exhausted as fuck from it.
and that is all i feel like typing for now.
as this gives me a panic attack just thinking about it.

+++

the soundpiece that goes along with my cam show
each night on the SWAS tour

The two tracks mixed together:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3

Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3

+++

Metaphysical definitions of the boundary

The difficulty in protecting one’s energetic space occurs because our reactions are based on trauma and conditioning. We generally lack a point of reference to a deeper way of understanding of the universal principles that determine our relationship to our own boundaries and to those of others. To gain this point of reference to the natural right we have to occupy and protect our space, we will examine the Kabbalistic interpretation of the story of creation and the concept of a Vacated Space.

Vacated Space - A Universal Principle of the Energy Field Ownership

“There is a magical and sacred song of life to be sung through the melody of our bodies.

We are each sacred vessels whose morphology bears witness to the ineffable Divine birthing itself, fleshy, incarnate, into this world. To deny the covenant spirit has made with flesh to give form to our very selves is to truncate our sense of aliveness and response-ability, our ability-to-respond, to live in the deepest sense. As we become able to listen more deeply within ourselves, as we come home to our deepest selves, we enter the very gates of the divine realms.” “Source unknown”

The Kabbalistic theory of creation reveals the notion of divine contraction of light. At the beginning of creation God, the Infinite, the Divine light, had to withdraw some of his essence in order for a finite form to be able to exist without being overwhelmed by the creator. His withdrawal created a “Vacated Space” so that the sacred seed of human life could be sowed. Our spirit, energy and power are part of the divine life force coming from that seed, the spark of God’s creation;

This contraction of the creator’s being is known as the “tzimtzum”, and it is the process of carving out an energetic space (not just a physical body) as a finite form. Various spiritual traditions use their own language to reveal the meaning of Universal truths. The Kabalistic notion of a Vacated Space is just another way of describing the demarcation of an “Energetic Boundary,” a space that is given physical proportions in Leonardo da Vinci’s Vetruvian Man. In other words, the wisdom of Kabalah reveals to us the profound meaning of the concept “ God giving birth to a form”, to which da Vinci gave an exact representation through the symbolism of a circle.

As God withdrew, that space was vacated exclusively to the seeded human life. A human being still connected to the divine light that sparked his life, now also has autonomy over his/her acquired energetic space. Next to God, one has ultimate right and control over one’s own space, over one’s choices in life, while remaining part of God’s bigger universal whole. This is the foundation of the law of self-determination in relationship to ones own space, (along with the karmic consequence of ones action in relationship to the larger Universe/God).

In the context of energetic boundaries, the “Vacated Space” is a metaphor that tells us about the exclusivity of our own energetic space – that there is no other force in the Universe that can inherently have more power over the energetic space of the person, then the person him/herself. This theory gives us further understanding of the metaphysical aspect of human dimension - it is an analogy that helps us comprehend how an infinite God could create a finite universe and a physical human form, and the metaphysical principles that control how human beings interact with God and the universe.

This fundamental Universal Law stating primacy of one’s ownership of the body and energetic space one inhibits, underlies all other traditions and explains inner workings of many healing as well as black magic practices.

For example, from what I learned about black magic rituals in Russian folk practices, it is considered very difficult to directly affect another person in a negative way. In order to make another person sick, one had to look for a pre-existing condition, some present energetic or physical weakness, some place where there was already a susceptibility, and then try to magnify what already was taking place. Barging into someone’s space and creating a sickness where there was none before was not considered a feasible option. The reason that importing and manipulating intruding energy to aggravate an existing weakness may work is that we often identify our physical afflictions as parts of ourselves, rather then something that is fundamentally external to our state of inner wellness. This perception makes it possible to mask through a ritual something external as your own.

In general, much can be learned about deeper workings of rituals from popular media. One simply needs to watch carefully for significant information. For instance, in the movies about voodoo ritual connected with revenge, harm & hate, the chosen victim is typically subjected to a series of psychological attacks. They find themselves surrounded by various objects and signs that let them know of imminent harm – blood markings on the door post, decapitated chickens, and written foreboding messages. All of these forms of shared symbolism surrounding legends and superstitions are aimed at frightening and weakening a person. The shared cultural belief in power of the rituals makes the person even more scared and energetically diminished. They lose a sense of ownership of their body and energy field, and ultimately becoming very susceptible to harmful energetic intrusion. This is a powerful illustration of universal ownership principle – if it were that easy to penetrate one’s energetic space with harmful intent, none of this drama around the rituals would be necessary. This is why many cultures share a belief in the following common wisdom - you are affected by a superstition, unless you did not know about it. If you did not know and therefore did not believe – the belief has no power to weaken or control.

Another demonstration of the power held by the universal ownership principle can be found in scenes of movies portraying Catholic exorcism. During a ritual, a priest would raise a cross and announce: “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, I challenge that this is not your body. Leave!” After that pronunciation, the possessing entity proceeds immediately to leave the body, usually accompanied by various dramatic sound and visual effects of rising smoke, and shaking or convulsing, as well as unusual sounds. This exorcism ritual is possible precisely because of the universal principle of Vacated Space and spatial autonomy. It is so fundamentally powerful, that you only need to invoke the principle, and the Universe does the rest of the work. The only requirement is that you live the principle, that you mean it, not just say it. So, in the movie, which is a metaphor for conveying how the Law really works, the priest who is performing the exorcism is usually an older man, who has lost touch with his deeper connection to what makes the principle work, and is just going through the motions of saying the right things. Therefore, before he knows it, he is assaulted by the entity he just challenged, who tests if he really meant what he said. The struggle ensues and he falls – overcome by the possessing force.

Scene number two in the movie is when another priest is called to rescue the situation. He is usually a younger priest, whose heart is pure and who is authentically on a mission to serve God. He definitely lives the principles he professes, so when he challenges the possessing entity, he comes out victorious.

To summarize, the energetic space was carved out by God for the soul that inhibits it, to hold all the energy that that the soul emanates, and all the beneficial energies it gathers for its advancement. Your energetic space was not inherently created to hold someone else or energies that do not benefit you. Based on this, one might assume that we are all born “in” our bodies and our energetic space, but in reality, we have learned that how consciously and fully we manifest our physicality depends on many factors: how we’re born and the atmosphere we’re born into; how we’re touched, held, and played with as children; how the people in our lives inhabit their bodies; how safe it is to move in public; how connected we feel to nature. There is no easy way into someone else’s field when it is intact, but it can be broken down by social conditioning, or occurrences of trauma and abuse in our lives. Consequently, many of us are broken and contaminated by the energies that do not benefit us, so we “have” a body that we drag around and struggle with.

Everyone should be dwelling in their own energetic spaces, and any invasion of your field is a violation of a higher principle. It is equivalent to breaking a law, with appropriate karmic consequences to the invader. Karma is a Sanskrit word simply (that simple means) meaning 'action'. It is a component of the cosmic philosophy of various forms of Ancient Hinduism, Buddhism, as well as Kabalistic teachings. These teach us that when we act, the force of an action will cause a wave of consequence directed back at us that equals or exceeds up to three fold the force of the original action. In other words, when you violate the energetic space of another, you are violating an energetic law; then something as strong will come back and create resultant consequences in your life. You can see why violating the energetic space of a child (a smaller, more vulnerable energy) becomes a much bigger transgression than that of an adult, and comes with greater karmic consequences. It is interesting that we subconsciously understand these principles – it is well-known that in prisons child molesters are treated with greater severity by the inmates.

Conversely, if you live out of a compromised space, you are not living out of your whole self, so things that you try to do in your life will not work right until your autonomy and wholeness is restored.

The following affirmation is created to enable you to reclaim the ownership of your body and your energetic space. It sounds very simple, but it is remarkably effective in utilizing the universal energies to help you gain the results you want. This is more than a typical affirmation, and it does much more than influence the thoughts that occur in your mind. When you say this affirmation, it invokes a universal principle, a major force that is a part of a dynamic universe, and it changes the nature of the physical reality of your life. Do not worry about believing or understanding how it works. It does not matter. It will work because you are connecting to something that is already there for you. Because of its universal nature - this technique is appropriate and will work for anyone.

This is truly exciting news, because the implication of this miraculous self-preserving mechanism – is that your body already knows exactly how to protect itself. You do not need to work hard to figure out how to do it.

This affirmation is easy to say and can be done anywhere, in any situation when you encounter a need. You may say it either aloud or silently. But first, in order to activate your connection to the major force behind this principle, you will need it to repeat it to yourself three times and aloud.

Reclaiming Ones Energy Field – Affirmation

According to the universal law of creation,

My body and my energy field were given to me and only to me,

To hold only all that is me, all of my energy, all of my power and all that benefit me.

My body and my energy field inherently are not designed

To hold anything that is not me or does not benefit me.

Anything that is not me or may be harmful to me,

Is automatically rejected by my energy field.

I have ultimate control over what my energy field holds.

+++

 

Horoscope for Aries (February 12 2006)

Sunday will see you seeking out some time to yourself, particularly by the afternoon. The recent influences affecting your ruling planet have drained your energy reserves, which means that you'll feel tired and prone to bursts of irritability. Plan a long soothing bath and book yourself a massage to ease that tension.

and

Favors granted
Today you will focus your attention on getting ahead in some way. You feel strong, vigorous and confident. Your relationship with your superiors is good, and they may grant you some favor that will assist you in your efforts. Nevertheless you do not feel dependent upon anyone now, nor do you feel that you need recognition from others. Instead you draw satisfaction from knowing inside yourself what you can do. You have a good understanding of yourself, and the calmness that usually goes along with this influence enables you to plan with a cool head. Your personal and family life are also benefited by this influence, because your personal strength is coupled with a sense of responsibility and the knowledge that you don't have to take away anything from your loved ones in order to get ahead.

and

Creativity is emphasized today, whether or not you are artistically inclined. You act more spontaneously than usual -- as if that was even possible. Counting from one to ten before doing or saying anything rash is highly advisable. Although you may know what you want (and you want it now), it's not a good idea to push for it at all costs.

and

The Full Moon in dramatic Leo is at 11:44 pm EST, opposite the Sun in eccentric Aquarius. This highly subjective Moon asks us to share our feelings and needs, but the Sun is rather detached from Leo's warm and romantic attractions. We intuitively respond to situations now in a personal and dramatic manner, but also must face the reality of the larger community. The Full Moon receives powerful support from a trine to intense Pluto. But with an irritating aspect between mental Mercury and restrictive Saturn it gets complicated, for we may lack much-needed self-discipline.