feb 10th, 2006
past anagrams	menu	utb

The two tracks mixed together:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/anavoog.mp3

Individual tracks:
http://www.anacam.com/swas/music.mp3
http://www.anacam.com/swas/talking.mp3

8:12pm

join #anacam on efnet so i can see if this works
www.mirc.com

1:25pm

she is just running late with another patient.
so cool to know that.
but i must leave at 2:55pm to make it to my next appointment.

1:11pm

this woman is in boston.
i am clueless when it comes to timezones but when she said we will have out session at 2pm her time, she told me twice that is 1pm my time. (i called her again, today, to confirm this)
but maybe we are both bad at the time zone thing.
ha.
help me out.
time zones . hate them!
*confusion*

i must call her 2pm her time (boston)
i am in minneapolis, so what time to i call her?

1:02pm

i called yuliya 2 times on both of her numbers.
just got voicemail.
i did speak to her an hour ago so i know she wanted me to call now.
hope she is just running late and will call me so i can call her back.
i'm nervous about this. i've never done anythin like this before and don't know what to expect.

12:44pm

thank you everyone for your support.
it means so much to me.
it is really hard for me to as for support because i like to think i can handle everything on my own like some sort of stupid machoness.
and i will tell you all what was going on with me (and still going on) when i have the strength.
today i have a phone thing with an energy worker at 1pm and at 3pm i made an appointment to see a psychologist.
and i am going to work very hard to get this settled out of me because i cannot go on this way.
basically, in a nutshell. i think what i am going through, in part , is post traumatic stress syndrome and the littlest of things can trigger it and then i just lose it like some sort of animal in a cage.
it's more complicated than that, but that is a big part of it.
i can be all "la de da" everything is fine and then something triggers me and i flip out.

so...i don't know what to say. this is embarassing for me because i hate to admit how fragile and weird i can be.
but i am going to work really hard to rectify this and heal.
and thank you everyone for your support.

i don't have words to say how touched and deeply moved i am by your support.

thank you thank you thank you.

11:45am

it has been so intense for me lately.
just having breakdowns.
nothing to do with my shows for sex workers art show.
way more personal stuff that keep bubbling to the surface.
like post traumatic stress syndrome.
i will write about it in more detail later.

but today i have a phone appointment at 1pm with this person:
http://www.yuliyacohen.com/MainPages/energyrestruct.html
thanks to my sweet, kind, and generous friend pinkveneer.
the support i have been getting has been overwhelming and i can't even type about it right now or i wil start to cry about it. because i am just so grateful and it's really hard for me to ask for support and receive it.
i like to think i can do it all on my own, because one of my worst fears is to be a burden on anyone and all that.

then at 3pm i go and see this psychologist woman who lives right by me.

and then sometime around 9pm CST is my very 1st show (in portland oregon) for sexworkersartshow.

so my day is filled to the brim with massive intensity.
as soon as i know the exact time i will be on cam for the show, i will let you know.

anyway, i am going to work really hard on getting myself ina better headspace than i am right now.
i'm sick of old energy resurfacing at the weirdest times and just fucking with my head.
all it takes is a little trigger, like a vietnam vet, just something that triggers my past trauma and i just lose it.
i can't go on like this.
so i am going to do everything in my power to get healed.
*tears*

here is a bit about "energy restructuring"

Energy Restructuring is a pioneering methodology in the emerging field of Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine. It draws on universal laws underlying energetic, metaphysical and scientific principles to redefine, refine and stretch out the limits of what is truly possible in the existing psychological, medical and healing modalities. The system draws on and synthesizes an array of teachings from the West and the East, science and mysticism, religion and psychology. It is grounded in more than 20 years of personal and professional research into growth and transformation.

Energy Restructuring is based on the principle that traumatic stories or symptoms actually affect the body on the physical and energetic levels. It is a system that allows us to view illness and trauma in relation to a specific set of energetic structures in the body. By listening deeply within the body and with the knowledge of the laws of cause and effect that govern those structures, the presenting problem can be matched directly to structural changes and immediately corrected.

Just as there are perfect antidotes in the natural world to many of the human afflictions, this system seeks to uncover the universal laws that make the undoing of a particular condition a natural and effortless process. Once diagnosed, the energetic change in the body can be instant and permanent, tempered only by the emotional limitation of the body to process so much change at once. This work recalls the Principle of Osiris, whose severed parts were gathered to recollect the diverse aspects of himself into a unified whole.

This process offers a truly healing experience. The client does not have to work and bear all of the burden for figuring out and dealing with the entire history of their problems. Living with trauma and illness is burden enough. The true healing that emerges from the basic universal principles and laws allows for the issues to be resolved effortlessly and gracefully without incurring additional stress on the client or the body. Each treatment program is tailored to the unique and specific needs of the individual. It has been proven to be highly successful for many of those who have failed and lost hope for recovery using other modalities.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (February 10 2006)

To sum up your focus in one word today is driven. You will be driven to achieve at work or school almost to the exclusion of all else. Success looks likely. Just make sure that you invite your mates out for a relaxing evening afterwards, for your sake and for theirs!

and

The world as it is
Today feelings of inadequacy or futility may tempt you to avoid direct confrontations with people and even to take more devious courses of action than usual. The responsibility for such tactics lies directly on your head, so don't be surprised if they work against your best interests. It is possible that this influence will stimulate your innate idealism, which is by no means bad and could produce a beautiful moment in your life today. But it could also make you want to reach for unrealizable goals, which is particularly discouraging in view of the low energies you probably feel. Use your common sense even about ideals, and above all, deal with the real world as it is, not as you would like it to be. You can work to make it what you want, but don't assume that it already is.

and

Your emotional needs may go unfulfilled today, but you can still have fun if you are willing to be flexible. If you overcompensate by pretending that all is okay, you might have to face a different set of problems. Set yourself up for success by sharing your desires. Others can meet you halfway, but only if they know what you want.