jan 31st, 2006
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9:58pm

 

 

5:33pm

ok, my mood has vastly improved!
jason came home and i vented and got my sense of humour back.
so, yay :)

sense of humour is KEY.

also the new black cherry vanilla coke might have something to do with the improvement in my mood (and maybe the handful of prozac).

who knows.

i am actually looking FORWARD to seeing this state of the union address which is just ODD.
i have never looked forward to this kind of thing.
but god, i know that it is going to be the most morbidly hilarious thing EVER.

i wonder how many people will view it?

i'd love to be in some pub in australia watching it.
throwing beers at the television and laughing.

and then go take a nice swim in the ocean afterwards
(yes, i have given into the water now. "go with the flow" yep. sure is better here than going against the flow).

 

3:40pm

took a long bath in trying to make myself not so irritated. but it did not work.
at least i am clean.

trying to get payment from lionbrand. they want an invoice from me and all this information.
i did not know it was going to be such an ordeal.
i just sent them the information in textpad. i hope that will be good enough.

i think all the negative energy i feel today is just being boomeranged right back at me.
i need to get out of this cycle.

2:02pm

godamn moon in pisces today.
for a triple fire sign it's like a massive wet blanket on me today.
get this wet blanket OFF of me. ARGH!
i want to light a bonfire in the middle of my room just to ward off this wishy washy watery stuff.
i'm in no friggin mood this kind of thing right now.
everyone is all ultrasensitive today and so i am, pmsing out of my mind.
i made some friggin woman CRY because i rejected her photo from photocontest for not really being on theme at ALL.
the theme is father and she tries to submit a photo of CHILDREN.
some other person is pissed off at me because i wouldn't let the theme be "father gnome". the theme is not father GNOME, it's just FATHER. all they had to do is take the word "gnome" out of their title but noooooooo, i'm hitler so they just left the community.
good riddance.
jesus h. christ.
i feel really militant today and i don't feel like being empathetic.
i just want people to get a grip on shit and stay the hell out of my way.

everything feels brutal today.
i hate it.
i feel unfocused and foggy.
it doesn't help that it is cold and grey on top of it.
i feel like punching through walls in order to survive.
i just want everyone and everything to stay out of my way today.
i feel boxed in and i want to scream.
and i don't need anyone to empathize with me either about that.

i just want everyone to leave me alone so i can get a grip on what *I* need to get a grip on.
i feel like hands all are over me trying to pull me down into some murky muddy waters.
and i'm not going to let them.

i know this is probably the wrong approach.
i know i should probably "go with the flow"

but my stubborn firey ram and lion self is huffing and puffing and i really dislike it.
i need to change.
because being like this is not working for me maybe.
man, i don't even know WHAT is working for me.
that is SO pisces.
fucking pisces.
argh.

and it's farging february tomorrow already!

1:43pm

it's what you need

1:19pm

ok, i think some concrete ideas are finally starting to arrive in my head on how to go about doing this soundpiece.
thank the gods.
i need to go into the thing room today and hook up all my instruments, at least. although i think it will take only one synth.
and then the other 3 tracks will be words.
or something...
i was wanting to do something really minimalistic, but i have just too much to say. so i think it will be more like a word assault of sorts.
i guess i won't really know until it's done.

1:00pm

a great comedy tonight!

or tragedy, depending on how you look at it.

i usually avoid president bush's state of the union speeches at all costs because they make me so mad i could spit a mile.
but now it's all gotten so bad all i can really do at this point is laugh.
all he ever does is repeat himself over and over. "we have a plan.. a plan to succeed...over the evildoers..because..we're...we're do gooders. we do good. and i'm proud of that fact. so...let me tell you, i don't read the internets, but but i hear...uh let me just say this....we're going to work hard. we're making great progress. we're going to do good because we're do gooders...."

i saw him on the news being interviewed the other day by i can't remember who, and bush was just more unhinged and befuddled than i have ever seen him. and that is saying a lot because how more STUPID can the guy appear? his "condition" seems to be worsening.

so tonight i may watch in eager anticipation of his head splitting open and tiny bats flying out of his skull.
reality tv at it's finest.

---

the wind is whipping around. i have my heat on full blast.
cold and grey. worked on pinkveneer's hat last night.

had nightmares of women getting their arms and legs chopped off and then strung up on meat hooks.

lovely.

i'm going over and over every possible scenario about how to do this soundpiece for my cam show.
and how to work it all and just...so many ways to go about this.
it's giving me a stomache ache because i need to finish this ASAP.
i wish everyone , me especially, had unlimited technology so this would all be a piece of cake.

1:00am

mouseovers:

Your Horoscope for January 31 , 2006

You can reach your goals if you are careful in how you present things. You will have stamina and discipline and will know what will interest the people you are dealing with. You can make financial gains if you are smart.

and

Brilliant strokes of genius are right up your alley. You love it when you're able to figure out totally new solutions to problems that have you and your associates stuck. But just because you can see the light, don't assume you can make everyone else see things from your point of view. Patience isn't your strongest suit, but it's still a sensible strategy for now.

and

The Moon is in diffusive Pisces today, softening the edges between fact and fiction. Truth is more difficult to ascertain now as our fantasies become more vivid. We see what we believe; reality conforms to our imagination. This is a great time for artistic, poetic and musical endeavors, but we may face difficulty if we must be precise in our communication. It's helpful to give ourselves permission to escape into our dreams as long as we don't totally forget about our responsibilities.

and

Tuesday
Moon in Pisces

This day is all Pisces. The fresh new Moon makes her monthly pass over Uranus in Pisces, this revolutionary social planet is parked in the sign of the fish for a few years, broadcasting potential alternate ways of thinking to all who wish to pick up on it. Especially the water signs should take note of this rhythm and begin to tune to it. The areas that you are stymied in can be examined free of conceptions and we can employ novel ways of thinking about them.

Using this vision we can see how social conventions influence the way we arrange our personal life. No doubt social conventions serve a purpose, though when they are not consciously accepted they can be repressive. We often forget we are in control of them and if we want them to change the only way is to alter ourselves.

and

This influence intensifies your emotional expression throughout the day and makes your relationships more intense. You will feel your love for someone quite strongly today, and you will be able to express it meaningfully to your loved one.