jan 29th, 2006
past anagrams	menu	utb

10:17pm

 

7:22pm

i'm all clean.
this is good.
now it's time to lay low and watch battlestar galactica.

6:33pm

water it is then.
i'm done cleaning for now.
now a bath and then more rest so i feel better.
i am the crankster.

5:33pm

i'm making some progress.
my desk is cleaned off, which is a relief.
still more to do, at least a little bit.
i'm trying to decide now if i should go to the store in the dark cold rain for cokes or just drink tap water tonight.

still listening to bjork.

3:30pm

 

"we live on a mountain
right at the top
there's a beautiful view
from the top of the mountain
every morning I walk towards the edge
and throw little things off
like:
car parts, bottles and cutlery
or whatever I find lying around

it's become a habit
A way
to start the day

i go through all this
before you wake up
so I can feel happier
to be safe up here with you

it's early morning
no one is awake
i'm back at my cliff
still throwing things off
i listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
i follow with my eyes 'til they crash
i imagine what my body would sound like
slamming against those rocks

and when it lands
will my eyes
be closed or open?

i go through all this
before you wake up
so I can feel happier
to be safe again with you "

---bjork

 

weather report: light snow.

 

3:02pm

2:56pm

i accidentally deleted the "show desktop" button.
suckfest.
i wish i could get rid of this MASSIVE aggravation i feel.
if i just put in all my aggravated energy into cleaning, i think this will be good and therapeutic.
PMS!

all obstacles must be removed.
i need a bath and cokes.
1st cokes, then cleaning like the wind, and then a bath.
and then battlestar galactica and then writing out my wordpiece.

listening to bjork.

i wish lionbrand would tell me if they liked the 2nd thing i made them or not.

the only part of my dream i can remember is that i found a chapter about me in debbie stoller's stitch and bitch book where she conceded that the reason she did not put my crochet in her book is because it would turn the entire crochet world "upside down" if people were to view my pieces.
i took that as a complement :)

 

2:33pm

cleaning cleaning.
grey day.
gonna eat some rice.
then feng shui!

1:14pm

now to turn all my attention to the sex worker's art show and making my thing for that.
getting them hats and photos and making the soundpiece.
so i have a lot on my plate.
but 1st i need to clean my house a bit and just get that out of the way so i can do this.

and sidenote: i do not put the horoscope up thinking that any of you would be interested in it.
i put it up for ME. just to be clear.

and sorry there has not been nude photos for a bit.
but that is life. i am very busy with things.
things go in cycles and stages and waves.
that is the way things are.

and to the "friend" in ana2 who told me today they are "bored shitless" of me because i do not show my breasts and i talk too much about multidimensionaluty...geez, thanks a lot buddy. nice thing to wake up to after 2 days of being ILL, "friend".

i'm not a frickin' wind up toy for your amusement. this is my LIFE.
and if you are "bored shitless" by it, then c'est la vie.

here was the sweet email *sarcasm*

"Ana, at the conclusion of the current billing period, please remove me from membership with your site. I no longer find the content of your site appealing to me. I’m not sure what’s up with you but each day there is less you. All of these old pictures are getting boring, and the horoscope thing well not appealing. I joined your site because I liked you, and the often crazy (good thing) things you do. You used to analyze the worlds activities in a way that only you can do it. You used to be out with camera’s taking pictures of life around you. The thing you are having with your mother is really working on your brain. Unfortunately you are letting an outside entity get the best of you, and I’m sure you are better that that. Let it go and move on. You are an intelligent beautiful woman, you have talent that the rest of us can only wish they had. How many people could have built the Ana Voog website, and maintained it for as long as you have. You are the longest running woman on the web; you have created this vision in many of people’s mind of this loveable woman, who has chosen to share her world with us. What you created was an outlet to satisfy the many fetishes of us weird people. The nudes, the hair, masturbating at night, those crazy titties, the ranting, your music, your art, I miss. Don’t get me twisted, I’m not here for just the erotic side of you, but that was a side of you. Now you sleep most of the day, go off on those dimension things, and keep putting up all those old pictures. I kind of feel like I lost my friend and you were a friend in my head. I will miss you but, but I am tired of being bored shitless."

i don't know if you have just not been paying attention, but i am still doing good and crazy things.
like hello, i am making a FILM, i am working on the sex worker's art show! i am going to record a new record? wtf are you talking about when you say i USED to analyze the world around me?
i don't analyze the world?? do you even READ my journal entries?
about taking pictures outside it's WINTER, i don't know if i had clued you in on that or not. there isn't even SNOW out there to take pictures of. if you would like some photos of grey skies, dead plants in 30 degree weather, then fine. but that doesn't exactly "inspire me".
yes, the past 2 days were warm out but i had 7,000 errands to do on those days plus i was SICK on top of it with a temperature.
sorry i talk about my mother because i get a RESTRAINING ORDER on her. don't tell me how to grieve and when to get over it. i will do that in MY time because it's MY life. *I* am not YOU.
and fine that YOU think i created anacam as an "outlet" for your "weird fetishes"
but you know what, that is NOT why *I* made it and i will not cater to YOUR fetishes.
i'll do what i want when i damn well please because this is my site about MY life.
i sleep in the day because i am UP ALL NIGHT working on things like crocheting my ass off to make money to pay RENT.
you have not lost me as a friend because obviously you do not even care for me as a friend.

so see ya!

it's your perogative to go.
i have no qualms with people leaving. nor i have no qualms about people being bored shitless.
i am not everyone's cup of a tea and that is fine.

but to send me this nasty email with a few "niceties" thrown in to mask your selfishness makes me mad.

you have no right to tell me how to live my life.
do you think i am going to stay the same FOREVER?
that my interests will NEVER change?
i don't live in a VACUUM.
i am a real living human being who grows and changes and evolves.
and that is FINE if you do not grow in the way that *I* do.

but don't tell me what to do to fulfill your little fetishes and try to SHAME me for living my life in MY way.
what are you going to do when i'm 60 years old?
try to shame me for not turning you on anymore because i have wrinkles? fuck that noise.

that is SELFISH and a shitty thing to say to me.

if you want to unsubscribe then fine.
but way to go to try and jab a knife in my side after all i give you over the last few years.
if you go over the last year of everything that is in there, it is A LOT. i put huge effort into this site pretty much 350 days a year.
you have NO CLUE, obviously, what it is i do.
i don't work 9-5. i don;'t take weekends off. fuck, i never even have a vacation.
so SORRY if for a few months during WINTER i work really hard on a FILM and a new record and the sex workers art show and getting hats to huge companies, and figure out the universe and don't feel like posing like a playboy model 24 hours a day for your little wank off sessions.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (January 29 2006)

You will meet some interesting people today but don't let anyone cause you grief. Stick to your beliefs and avoid anyone who is the least bit aggressive or argumentative.

and

Hemmed in ***
Valid during many months: During this time you are particularly sensitive to the suffering of others and want to help them with all the resources at your disposal.
Of course you will concentrate most on the members of your immediate circle and try to be there for them. If you are in a healing or helping profession, you will not want to have to deal with material or administrative tasks under this influence, but rather directly help those for whom you are responsible.

Whether on the private or professional level your whole motivation, your actions and decisions, are dictated by compassion and sympathy for others, as you can often recognize yourself in the suffering you see in others. This is also why, at this time, you will hardly ever be wrong in these matters: What you feel in others you know only too well from your own experience.

Nevertheless, when someone does not want to be helped, you should respect their wish. If you impose yourself on them, their defensive reaction can be unpleasant or hurtful - even if you are acting from only the best motives.

and

The Aquarian New Moon at 9:14 am EST marks the beginning of a new emotional cycle. This initiation in freedom-loving Aquarius is opposite Saturn in heartfelt Leo, bringing up issues about commitment. The obstacles are very real, but can be overcome through hard work, determination and patience. It's time for each of us to plant our own seeds of intention which can grow to fruition as the Moon waxes full for the next two weeks. We have the opportunity to manifest what is now only a wish.

and

Sunday
Moon opposite Sun 6:15am AQUARIUS
Saturn sits opposite this new moon, the monthly joining of the Solar and Lunar energies, Mercury is also tight in this orb. Sending some internal advertising deep in your being can sell the product of vibrancy, creativity and contentment to the inner being. Then the thoughts feeling and reactions to stress can move towards an alignment of our highest desires. The possibility to align our most vigorous and transformative energies with a purpose that challenges us to be the best being we can be. If you're not pointed that way then you're just wasting breath. This moon gives us all a chance to piece the mundane with the simple exquisite sense of union with the divine pulse.