| december
27th , 2005 |
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11:54pm
i have sucked in so much information
today!
swooooooooooosh it crashes into my vortex at the speed of something very fast
but not quite as fast as say, a galloping pookadog, but close!
i will spare you the details.
i will just try to digest what i have taken in and then talk about it later.
dragons, king arthur, noah, the essenes....
thought about making a church called
the church of imperfexion.
where the potato is the symbol, and if you get to be a higher "initiate"
we might tell you about the tomato.
i googled to see about worshiping potatoes, thinking this would be an extremely
unlikely thing, and low and behold there is already a church of the potato!
but hey, mine will be better :)
nothing in the church of imperfexion can be perfect, symmetrical, or like
geometry.
it has to be like a potato, a gourd, warty and nubbly.
ginger roots, carrots, pumpkins.
it is my answer to the cube of mecca.
screw the cube, i say! no perfect circles nor awe inspiring pyramids
the potato is where it's at.
the nubby wonderful potato, so perfect in it's ugliness and imperfection.
so versatile. so sustaining and friendly.
so useful. so mysterious.
who knows what shape a potato may make?
each time is a surprise.
4:57pm
what have i gotten done today?
relatively nothing except things in my mind. i have nothing physially to show
for it.
my horoscopes were conflicting today. it was all "get stuff done"
"get off your lazy ass and get stuff done!" "you're probably
not going to get off you lazy ass and get anything done today".
i did bathe. i did check my mail. (thanks howie! i think that was from you??)
now i must eat and then i must take out the trash as i must do every day.
and then jason will be home and he will ask me if i want to excercise and
i will probably say no because i am a lazy ass. and then i will think about
all the things i want to get done and need to get done and i will make lists
and i will prioritize and then i will say "well, it's too late to do
anything NOW" and i will watch aeon flux or something. and i will swear
to god to work twice as hard tomorrow to catch up.
let's hope i can muster up something more than that.
i dreamed i dyed my hair black and
cut it into a 20's style flapper bob.
it looked really classy.
it probably has something to do with
aeon flux.
i can't wait to see the movie :)
2:52pm
ok, i've written my thing for the
day to get it out of me.
and it's cold and grey and shall remain cold and grey all week.
i have 5 days including today to finish all my taxes.
i don't know if it is humanly possible for me to meet that goal now, and i
am disapointed in myself, but i'm trying not to beat myself up about it.
if i go a few days over the new year, i mean...at least it gets done and that's
what it the important thing.
so i'm a few days behind, what else is new?
moderated all my communities, updated
all my journals with stuff.
i also need to get to the bank to deposit the xmas cheque from my dad so that
i can pay my rent and bills.
i surely do wish i could buy that boss loop pedal with the money instead *SIGH*.
ok, it's time to stop typing and get going.
1:26pm
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interesting
the similarities between these shapes, eh?
interesting to note how these align.
strange how i keep running into this image of 2 swans
or winged heads facing each other or facing out..
i
have a drawing i must make about it.
i've been making it in my head for quite some time.
it actually is more than just a drawing because i think it has 4 layers to
it. i don't really know if i will make the layers transparencies or if i will
make it a painting on 4 layers of thin wood that will all fit together like
a puzzle.
yesterday i learned that the shechinah
(i can't decide which spelling i prefer yet) is the "feminine presence
of god" BUT that it is at the very lowest of the of the tree of life
in "malkuth" which is earth. so it is the feminine side of god dwelling
(and being a dwelling) in all earthly and physical things.
the way i imagined it was that it was the presence of god....and that's it.
god as a verb and not god as a noun.
so when you are BEING the most in the present moment, that is when you are
in "shechinah".
but it also could be the paradox that it is the physical manifestation of
god in earth.
which explains how fuct this planet is and how little we value shechinah as
we put "her" at the very lowest of the low and shit on her and treat
her like a dog.
i read some lofty explanation last night that "man" must "lift"
shechinah up to tiphareth, to be the "bride" of tiphareth.
(which is harmony, in a nutshell but way more than that).
http://www.al-qiyamah.org/pdf_files/shekinah--the_divine_feminine_(jps.net).pdf
now part of me goes yes this makes sense and the other part of me is saying, fuck that. it's still putting "the feminine" in that subservient position that we somehow need "the masculine" to lift us up to make is more pure and somehow 1. we can't do this by ourselves or that 2. we aren't just fine and dandy and "pure" enough as we already are and to think we need to be lifted up into some sort of purification process is really faulty and backwards thinking.
i think once one comprehends the
tiphareth, one will see that shechinah is not about lifting "her"
up to be the "bride" of something. i mean come on already. bride
this bride that. get over it. i see this limp bride being taken to an altar
so she can be unionized to the man power and made "whole".
as if shechinah has no spine or will and is not complete "as is"
yet also she does not exist without the whole. but this whole "lifting"
and "bride" analogy business needs to be done away with. screw "exaltation".
once we put something on a "pedestal", you know what happens, we
want to knock it off and "bring it down a peg ot two", and then
that whole ridiculous cycle goes on and on and on ad nauseum. again i say
: screw "exaltation"! it's archaic and crusty or at the very least
needs radical updating as to what that word really means and needs redefining
altogether or just put into the trashbin of words to use in "worship".
in fact "worship" is rather crusty and has nasty barnacles all over
it's ship so much it cannot even effectively move through the water anymore.
lord, get out the COMET! (pun intended :)
shechinah IS. and shechinah IS your
body and IS your table and IS your toilet and IS your sunset and IS just IS.
shechinah cannot be pinned down because shechinah is the VERB of EVERYTHING
BEING.
it's always with this upwards and
downwards movement thing. lower higher.
maybe instead of shechinah being lifted up to be the bride of tiphareth man
should look down and kiss the dust on his shoes with gratefulness, thankfulness,
and delight that shechinah resides there, as WELL? i think so.
i don't need some man to come "arouse"
me and "lift me up" and marry me to tiphareth.
although thanks for the ill-informed offer. i'm sure you meant well?
but i already AM shekinah, i already AM tiphareth, maybe someday you'll KNOW-tess
this?
wake up wake up, click your heels together 3 times or something!
oh, but that's right you think it's the WORST DISHONOUR EVER to wear women's
clothing, don't you? especially if it's "gaudy" or "sparkly".
for SHAME, right?
because the WORST thing one can possible be is to be a woman.
wearing the ruby slippers is worse than DEATH to you. maybe THAT is the probem
that needs to be aDRESSed?
when you can wear those ruby slippers and feel no shame in it, when you can
look down at HONOUR that "gaudiness" and the "shock and awe"
of it and bring THAT into your heart and BEing..then we are getting somewhere.
and don't just wear them inside your house secretly. go outside with them
and make a CLACKING noise with them.
that's right. click those blood red ruby HEELS together, boy. (no, it's not
a crown, it's the dust on the soles of those fancy shoes) and BE the joy of
it. do it in public. CELEBRATE it. and not as a JOKE or a PARODY. have SERIOUS
joy.
it's like the wizard of oz again.
they just don't realize shechinah is already in your own BACKYARD.
shechinah doesn't need a wizard in a hot air balloon to lift her "home".
shechinah IS home.
home being a verb.
i've also been thinking more about the differences between men and women and our bodies and frequencies because women that are mentruating are not allowed to be near the sundance ritual because at that time their "power" will disrupt the sundance.
and some people have brought to my attention that this may not be just mysogyny but a recognition of different frequencies.
btripp said (in my lj entry about it that i since made private but now made public again because i didn't want to discuss it further since i wanted to think about it and i will put the whole lj entry right underneath all this so you can read it all in context):
"Imagine, if you will, the Sundance (or any other major spiritual event) being akin to "painting" on a plaza filled with shallow water with flower petals. Each element of the ritual adds different colors of petals to different areas of the water surface. It is an imprecise art, and much care is taken to make sure that the ultimate "picture" emerges correctly.
Add to this a "moontime" woman. The "vortex" within her starts to disturb the surface of the water, changing the geometry of the work space. If she stays within the ritual space, it becomes almost impossible to make the "picture" come out as intended.
It's not a "judgemental" issue ... in some "spiritual plane" aspect it really is "just physics"!
and since then i have been thinking
about it all. and thinking about how many churches separate men and women
as they get together to worship and pray.
and then i think..ok, maybe that makes sense, maybe there is something 2 that..
like creating 2 sides of something to make a battery or a charge.
but then i think...things are not
so black and white as that.
some women are more "manly" then men are and vice versa.
some people are purely androgynous.
some people are both man and women as they are hermaphrodites.
where do THEY fit into "the equation"?
where do the men who feel they are in the wrong body go and vice versa?
and i, myself, feel very manyly some days and some days i am definitely of
"all woman" energy.
i slide around the scale of masculine/feminine constantly.
and as we get older women become more masculine and men become more feminie
as our hormones change.
so where does all this fit in to it?
what i am saying it, i think these
rituals served a purpose at the time.
and i think they can still serve a purpose now.
but i think they need UPDATING.
we, as beings, are always constantly evolving, so why should our rituals and worship and magick remain rigidly the same for thousands of years?
we should we continue to wear the same old clothes that we wore when we were 6 now that we are 60?
and doesn't your favourite colour
change throughout the years, usually, as well?
i know when i was little my favourite colour was sky blue and then it was
turquoise, and then it was pink and then red and then silver, and then combinations
of it all.
i think rituals need updating and
that "the menstruation hut" may be a fine CHOICE for some women,
even now.
but a CHOICE is what it should be and not a prerequisite.
what if i don't WANT to "reflect" during my period and let my "precious
moon blood" flow into the earth that month?
what if i'd rather go for a motorcycle ride or take my blood and paint with
it or maybe i'd just like to get on with things as usual?
things are too black and white and need updating, imo.
it's nice that we figured out that
women have, in general, a different frequency then men do.
and then a greater still evolvement that we were able to grasp that frequencies
change in people in cycles...like, women having their periods.
ya for that acKNOWledgement.
but then where did it evolve from
there?
it's been hundreds if not thousands of years now and i think it's time that
things get updated for NOW.
for instance, i think we are really
stuck in a "blood sacrifice" rut.
whether it's sacrificing a goat or chicken to the gods, our menstrual blood
to the earth, circumcision to "god",
or doing a sundance and many other rituals which include blood/sacrifice/flesh....
this blood scarifice thing has become
so twisted and deluded that the government is now using using "operation
shekinah" for it's "war on terra". it's the
most backwards and twisted thing i have ever seen.
using god to kill god? using earth to destroy earth? how ridiculous and just
WHY?
i think there will come a time when
we do not need to express ourselves in this "raw" form anymore.
i think we can still honour it and see value in it. but i think we need to
evolve from this now.
sure, we are are still flesh creatures and so the want and need to express
things through flesh is natural.
i'm not saying stop it altogether. but i'm saying, maybe it needs some updating
and some evolving and we need to understand that our flesh does not NEED "purification".
and that following "bloodlines" such as the royalty are doing is
positively archaic at this point. we need to update out software and our hardware.
we need to realize that shechinah
does not need to be the bride of anything.
and shechinah does not need to be "lifted" or "exhalted"
or "purified".
shechinah , which is our BEING is already "there".
the trick to bending the
spoon isn't that there is no spoon.
it's that the spoon doesn't NEED bending.
just acKNOWledge.
---
the post about the sundance:
http://ana.livejournal.com/1694602.html
+++
intriguing images:
11.20.2005
anagram
+++
Horoscope for Aries (December 27 2005)
This is not the time to sit back when there is so much you can accomplish. Get yourself geared up for the future and put all efforts into what you need to do to secure a brighter and better year ahead.
and
Drifting off
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day your sensitivity to your surroundings
is greatly increased, as is your empathy with those around you. At this time
you may listen to a friend's problems, or you may discuss your own problems
with a friend. You will be likely to pick up the mood of the people around
you, as if you were an emotional "sponge." Therefore you should
be careful about being with negative people who are not willing to discuss
their emotional problems in a rational manner. On another level, this influence
can stimulate your fantasies amazingly. You may feel like just sitting down
and drifting off into your own private world.
and
It may be difficult to get anything
started today, especially creative tasks that have already been delayed. You
might feel as if you've waited too long, but there's nothing to be gained
by beating yourself up. Be satisfied with whatever you get accomplished, even
if it's not enough. You'll be able to pick up the pace tomorrow once your
key planet, Mars, is freed from the grips of Saturn.